الفصل الفصل 34 · 第34章

I expected, as is usually the case among such people, that the servant

she sent me would have been some imprudent brazen wench of Drury Lane

breeding, and I was very uneasy at having her with me upon that

account; so I would not let her lie in that house the first night by

any means, but had my eyes about me as narrowly as if she had been a

public thief.

My gentlewoman guessed presently what was the matter, and sent her back

with a short note, that I might depend upon the honesty of her maid;

that she would be answerable for her upon all accounts; and that she

took no servants into her house without very good security for their

fidelity. I was then perfectly easy; and indeed the maid’s behaviour

spoke for itself, for a modester, quieter, soberer girl never came into

anybody’s family, and I found her so afterwards.

As soon as I was well enough to go abroad, I went with the maid to see

the house, and to see the apartment I was to have; and everything was

so handsome and so clean and well, that, in short, I had nothing to

say, but was wonderfully pleased and satisfied with what I had met

with, which, considering the melancholy circumstances I was in, was far

beyond what I looked for.

It might be expected that I should give some account of the nature of

the wicked practices of this woman, in whose hands I was now fallen;

but it would be too much encouragement to the vice, to let the world

see what easy measures were here taken to rid the women’s unwelcome

burthen of a child clandestinely gotten. This grave matron had several

sorts of practice, and this was one particular, that if a child was

born, though not in her house (for she had occasion to be called to

many private labours), she had people at hand, who for a piece of money

would take the child off their hands, and off from the hands of the

parish too; and those children, as she said, were honestly provided for

and taken care of. What should become of them all, considering so many,

as by her account she was concerned with, I cannot conceive.

I had many times discourses upon that subject with her; but she was

full of this argument, that she save the life of many an innocent lamb,

as she called them, which would otherwise perhaps have been murdered;

and of many women who, made desperate by the misfortune, would

otherwise be tempted to destroy their children, and bring themselves to

the gallows. I granted her that this was true, and a very commendable

thing, provided the poor children fell into good hands afterwards, and

were not abused, starved, and neglected by the nurses that bred them

up. She answered, that she always took care of that, and had no nurses

in her business but what were very good, honest people, and such as

might be depended upon.

I could say nothing to the contrary, and so was obliged to say, “Madam,

I do not question you do your part honestly, but what those people do

afterwards is the main question”; and she stopped my mouth again with

saying that she took the utmost care about it.

The only thing I found in all her conversation on these subjects that

gave me any distaste, was, that one time in discouraging about my being

far gone with child, and the time I expected to come, she said

something that looked as if she could help me off with my burthen

sooner, if I was willing; or, in English, that she could give me

something to make me miscarry, if I had a desire to put an end to my

troubles that way; but I soon let her see that I abhorred the thoughts

of it; and, to do her justice, she put it off so cleverly, that I could

not say she really intended it, or whether she only mentioned the

practice as a horrible thing; for she couched her words so well, and

took my meaning so quickly, that she gave her negative before I could

explain myself.

To bring this part into as narrow a compass as possible, I quitted my

lodging at St. Jones’s and went to my new governess, for so they called

her in the house, and there I was indeed treated with so much courtesy,

so carefully looked to, so handsomely provided, and everything so well,

that I was surprised at it, and could not at first see what advantage

my governess made of it; but I found afterwards that she professed to

make no profit of lodgers’ diet, nor indeed could she get much by it,

but that her profit lay in the other articles of her management, and

she made enough that way, I assure you; for ’tis scarce credible what

practice she had, as well abroad as at home, and yet all upon the

private account, or, in plain English, the whoring account.

While I was in her house, which was near four months, she had no less

than twelve ladies of pleasure brought to bed within the doors, and I

think she had two-and-thirty, or thereabouts, under her conduct without

doors, whereof one, as nice as she was with me, was lodged with my old

landlady at St. Jones’s.

This was a strange testimony of the growing vice of the age, and such a

one, that as bad as I had been myself, it shocked my very senses. I

began to nauseate the place I was in and, about all, the wicked

practice; and yet I must say that I never saw, or do I believe there

was to be seen, the least indecency in the house the whole time I was

there.

Not a man was ever seen to come upstairs, except to visit the lying-in

ladies within their month, nor then without the old lady with them, who

made it a piece of honour of her management that no man should touch a

woman, no, not his own wife, within the month; nor would she permit any

man to lie in the house upon any pretence whatever, no, not though she

was sure it was with his own wife; and her general saying for it was,

that she cared not how many children were born in her house, but she

would have none got there if she could help it.

It might perhaps be carried further than was needful, but it was an

error of the right hand if it was an error, for by this she kept up the

reputation, such as it was, of her business, and obtained this

character, that though she did take care of the women when they were

debauched, yet she was not instrumental to their being debauched at

all; and yet it was a wicked trade she drove too.

While I was there, and before I was brought to bed, I received a letter

from my trustee at the bank, full of kind, obliging things, and

earnestly pressing me to return to London. It was near a fortnight old

when it came to me, because it had been first sent into Lancashire, and

then returned to me. He concludes with telling me that he had obtained

a decree, I think he called it, against his wife, and that he would be

ready to make good his engagement to me, if I would accept of him,

adding a great many protestations of kindness and affection, such as he

would have been far from offering if he had known the circumstances I

had been in, and which as it was I had been very far from deserving.

I returned an answer to his letter, and dated it at Liverpool, but sent

it by messenger, alleging that it came in cover to a friend in town. I

gave him joy of his deliverance, but raised some scruples at the

lawfulness of his marrying again, and told him I supposed he would

consider very seriously upon that point before he resolved on it, the

consequence being too great for a man of his judgment to venture rashly

upon a thing of that nature; so concluded, wishing him very well in

whatever he resolved, without letting him into anything of my own mind,

or giving any answer to his proposal of my coming to London to him, but

mentioned at a distance my intention to return the latter end of the

year, this being dated in April.

I was brought to bed about the middle of May and had another brave boy,

and myself in as good condition as usual on such occasions. My

governess did her part as a midwife with the greatest art and dexterity

imaginable, and far beyond all that ever I had had any experience of

before.

Her care of me in my travail, and after in my lying in, was such, that

if she had been my own mother it could not have been better. Let none

be encouraged in their loose practices from this dexterous lady’s

management, for she is gone to her place, and I dare say has left

nothing behind her that can or will come up on it.

I think I had been brought to bed about twenty-two days when I received

another letter from my friend at the bank, with the surprising news

that he had obtained a final sentence of divorce against his wife, and

had served her with it on such a day, and that he had such an answer to

give to all my scruples about his marrying again, as I could not

expect, and as he had no desire of; for that his wife, who had been

under some remorse before for her usage of him, as soon as she had the

account that he had gained his point, had very unhappily destroyed

herself that same evening.

He expressed himself very handsomely as to his being concerned at her

disaster, but cleared himself of having any hand in it, and that he had

only done himself justice in a case in which he was notoriously injured

and abused. However, he said that he was extremely afflicted at it, and

had no view of any satisfaction left in his world, but only in the hope

that I would come and relieve him by my company; and then he pressed me

violently indeed to give him some hopes that I would at least come up

to town and let him see me, when he would further enter into discourse

about it.

I was exceedingly surprised at the news, and began now seriously to

reflect on my present circumstances, and the inexpressible misfortune

it was to me to have a child upon my hands, and what to do in it I knew

not. At last I opened my case at a distance to my governess. I appeared

melancholy and uneasy for several days, and she lay at me continually

to know what trouble me. I could not for my life tell her that I had an

offer of marriage, after I had so often told her that I had a husband,

so that I really knew not what to say to her. I owned I had something

which very much troubled me, but at the same time told her I could not

speak of it to any one alive.

She continued importuning me several days, but it was impossible, I

told her, for me to commit the secret to anybody. This, instead of

being an answer to her, increased her importunities; she urged her

having been trusted with the greatest secrets of this nature, that it

was her business to conceal everything, and that to discover things of

that nature would be her ruin. She asked me if ever I had found her

tattling to me of other people’s affairs, and how could I suspect her?

She told me, to unfold myself to her was telling it to nobody; that she

was silent as death; that it must be a very strange case indeed that

she could not help me out of; but to conceal it was to deprive myself

of all possible help, or means of help, and to deprive her of the

opportunity of serving me. In short, she had such a bewitching

eloquence, and so great a power of persuasion that there was no

concealing anything from her.