Chapter Chapter 76 · How a great scholar of Engla

Chapter 2.XVIII.

How a great scholar of England would have argued against Pantagruel, and

was overcome by Panurge.

In that same time a certain learned man named Thaumast, hearing the fame

and renown of Pantagruel’s incomparable knowledge, came out of his own

country of England with an intent only to see him, to try thereby and prove

whether his knowledge in effect was so great as it was reported to be. In

this resolution being arrived at Paris, he went forthwith unto the house of

the said Pantagruel, who was lodged in the palace of St. Denis, and was

then walking in the garden thereof with Panurge, philosophizing after the

fashion of the Peripatetics. At his first entrance he startled, and was

almost out of his wits for fear, seeing him so great and so tall. Then did

he salute him courteously as the manner is, and said unto him, Very true it

is, saith Plato the prince of philosophers, that if the image and knowledge

of wisdom were corporeal and visible to the eyes of mortals, it would stir

up all the world to admire her. Which we may the rather believe that the

very bare report thereof, scattered in the air, if it happen to be received

into the ears of men, who, for being studious and lovers of virtuous things

are called philosophers, doth not suffer them to sleep nor rest in quiet,

but so pricketh them up and sets them on fire to run unto the place where

the person is, in whom the said knowledge is said to have built her temple

and uttered her oracles. As it was manifestly shown unto us in the Queen

of Sheba, who came from the utmost borders of the East and Persian Sea, to

see the order of Solomon’s house and to hear his wisdom; in Anacharsis, who

came out of Scythia, even unto Athens, to see Solon; in Pythagoras, who

travelled far to visit the memphitical vaticinators; in Plato, who went a

great way off to see the magicians of Egypt, and Architus of Tarentum; in

Apollonius Tyaneus, who went as far as unto Mount Caucasus, passed along

the Scythians, the Massagetes, the Indians, and sailed over the great river

Phison, even to the Brachmans to see Hiarchus; as likewise unto Babylon,

Chaldea, Media, Assyria, Parthia, Syria, Phoenicia, Arabia, Palestina, and

Alexandria, even unto Aethiopia, to see the Gymnosophists. The like

example have we of Titus Livius, whom to see and hear divers studious

persons came to Rome from the confines of France and Spain. I dare not

reckon myself in the number of those so excellent persons, but well would

be called studious, and a lover, not only of learning, but of learned men

also. And indeed, having heard the report of your so inestimable

knowledge, I have left my country, my friends, my kindred, and my house,

and am come thus far, valuing at nothing the length of the way, the

tediousness of the sea, nor strangeness of the land, and that only to see

you and to confer with you about some passages in philosophy, of geomancy,

and of the cabalistic art, whereof I am doubtful and cannot satisfy my

mind; which if you can resolve, I yield myself unto you for a slave

henceforward, together with all my posterity, for other gift have I none

that I can esteem a recompense sufficient for so great a favour. I will

reduce them into writing, and to-morrow publish them to all the learned men

in the city, that we may dispute publicly before them.

But see in what manner I mean that we shall dispute. I will not argue pro

et contra, as do the sottish sophisters of this town and other places.

Likewise I will not dispute after the manner of the Academics by

declamation; nor yet by numbers, as Pythagoras was wont to do, and as Picus

de la Mirandula did of late at Rome. But I will dispute by signs only

without speaking, for the matters are so abstruse, hard, and arduous, that

words proceeding from the mouth of man will never be sufficient for

unfolding of them to my liking. May it, therefore, please your

magnificence to be there; it shall be at the great hall of Navarre at seven

o’clock in the morning. When he had spoken these words, Pantagruel very

honourably said unto him: Sir, of the graces that God hath bestowed upon

me, I would not deny to communicate unto any man to my power. For whatever

comes from him is good, and his pleasure is that it should be increased

when we come amongst men worthy and fit to receive this celestial manna of

honest literature. In which number, because that in this time, as I do

already very plainly perceive, thou holdest the first rank, I give thee

notice that at all hours thou shalt find me ready to condescend to every

one of thy requests according to my poor ability; although I ought rather

to learn of thee than thou of me. But, as thou hast protested, we will

confer of these doubts together, and will seek out the resolution, even

unto the bottom of that undrainable well where Heraclitus says the truth

lies hidden. And I do highly commend the manner of arguing which thou hast

proposed, to wit, by signs without speaking; for by this means thou and I

shall understand one another well enough, and yet shall be free from this

clapping of hands which these blockish sophisters make when any of the

arguers hath gotten the better of the argument. Now to-morrow I will not

fail to meet thee at the place and hour that thou hast appointed, but let

me entreat thee that there be not any strife or uproar between us, and that

we seek not the honour and applause of men, but the truth only. To which

Thaumast answered: The Lord God maintain you in his favour and grace, and,

instead of my thankfulness to you, pour down his blessings upon you, for

that your highness and magnificent greatness hath not disdained to descend

to the grant of the request of my poor baseness. So farewell till

to-morrow! Farewell, said Pantagruel.

Gentlemen, you that read this present discourse, think not that ever men

were more elevated and transported in their thoughts than all this night

were both Thaumast and Pantagruel; for the said Thaumast said to the keeper

of the house of Cluny, where he was lodged, that in all his life he had

never known himself so dry as he was that night. I think, said he, that

Pantagruel held me by the throat. Give order, I pray you, that we may have

some drink, and see that some fresh water be brought to us, to gargle my

palate. On the other side, Pantagruel stretched his wits as high as he

could, entering into very deep and serious meditations, and did nothing all

that night but dote upon and turn over the book of Beda, De numeris et

signis; Plotin’s book, De inenarrabilibus; the book of Proclus, De magia;

the book of Artemidorus peri Oneirokritikon; of Anaxagoras, peri Zemeion;

Dinarius, peri Aphaton; the books of Philiston; Hipponax, peri

Anekphoneton, and a rabble of others, so long, that Panurge said unto him:

My lord, leave all these thoughts and go to bed; for I perceive your

spirits to be so troubled by a too intensive bending of them, that you may

easily fall into some quotidian fever with this so excessive thinking and

plodding. But, having first drunk five and twenty or thirty good draughts,

retire yourself and sleep your fill, for in the morning I will argue

against and answer my master the Englishman, and if I drive him not ad

metam non loqui, then call me knave. Yea but, said he, my friend Panurge,

he is marvellously learned; how wilt thou be able to answer him? Very

well, answered Panurge; I pray you talk no more of it, but let me alone.

Is any man so learned as the devils are? No, indeed, said Pantagruel,

without God’s especial grace. Yet for all that, said Panurge, I have

argued against them, gravelled and blanked them in disputation, and laid

them so squat upon their tails that I have made them look like monkeys.

Therefore be assured that to-morrow I will make this vain-glorious

Englishman to skite vinegar before all the world. So Panurge spent the

night with tippling amongst the pages, and played away all the points of

his breeches at primus secundus and at peck point, in French called La

Vergette. Yet, when the condescended on time was come, he failed not to

conduct his master Pantagruel to the appointed place, unto which, believe

me, there was neither great nor small in Paris but came, thinking with

themselves that this devilish Pantagruel, who had overthrown and vanquished

in dispute all these doting fresh-water sophisters, would now get full

payment and be tickled to some purpose. For this Englishman is a terrible

bustler and horrible coil-keeper. We will see who will be conqueror, for

he never met with his match before.

Thus all being assembled, Thaumast stayed for them, and then, when

Pantagruel and Panurge came into the hall, all the schoolboys, professors

of arts, senior sophisters, and bachelors began to clap their hands, as

their scurvy custom is. But Pantagruel cried out with a loud voice, as if

it had been the sound of a double cannon, saying, Peace, with a devil to

you, peace! By G--, you rogues, if you trouble me here, I will cut off the

heads of everyone of you. At which words they remained all daunted and

astonished like so many ducks, and durst not do so much as cough, although

they had swallowed fifteen pounds of feathers. Withal they grew so dry

with this only voice, that they laid out their tongues a full half foot

beyond their mouths, as if Pantagruel had salted all their throats. Then

began Panurge to speak, saying to the Englishman, Sir, are you come hither

to dispute contentiously in those propositions you have set down, or,

otherwise, but to learn and know the truth? To which answered Thaumast,

Sir, no other thing brought me hither but the great desire I had to learn

and to know that of which I have doubted all my life long, and have neither

found book nor man able to content me in the resolution of those doubts

which I have proposed. And, as for disputing contentiously, I will not do

it, for it is too base a thing, and therefore leave it to those sottish

sophisters who in their disputes do not search for the truth, but for

contradiction only and debate. Then said Panurge, If I, who am but a mean

and inconsiderable disciple of my master my lord Pantagruel, content and

satisfy you in all and everything, it were a thing below my said master

wherewith to trouble him. Therefore is it fitter that he be chairman, and

sit as a judge and moderator of our discourse and purpose, and give you

satisfaction in many things wherein perhaps I shall be wanting to your

expectation. Truly, said Thaumast, it is very well said; begin then. Now

you must note that Panurge had set at the end of his long codpiece a pretty

tuft of red silk, as also of white, green, and blue, and within it had put

a fair orange.