Chapter Chapter 93 · How Pantagruel transported a

Chapter 3.I.

How Pantagruel transported a colony of Utopians into Dipsody.

Pantagruel, having wholly subdued the land of Dipsody, transported

thereunto a colony of Utopians, to the number of 9,876,543,210 men, besides

the women and little children, artificers of all trades, and professors of

all sciences, to people, cultivate, and improve that country, which

otherwise was ill inhabited, and in the greatest part thereof but a mere

desert and wilderness; and did transport them (not) so much for the

excessive multitude of men and women, which were in Utopia multiplied, for

number, like grasshoppers upon the face of the land. You understand well

enough, nor is it needful further to explain it to you, that the Utopian

men had so rank and fruitful genitories, and that the Utopian women carried

matrixes so ample, so gluttonous, so tenaciously retentive, and so

architectonically cellulated, that at the end of every ninth month seven

children at the least, what male what female, were brought forth by every

married woman, in imitation of the people of Israel in Egypt, if Anthony

(Nicholas) de Lyra be to be trusted. Nor yet was this transplantation made

so much for the fertility of the soil, the wholesomeness of the air, or

commodity of the country of Dipsody, as to retain that rebellious people

within the bounds of their duty and obedience, by this new transport of his

ancient and most faithful subjects, who, from all time out of mind, never

knew, acknowledged, owned, or served any other sovereign lord but him; and

who likewise, from the very instant of their birth, as soon as they were

entered into this world, had, with the milk of their mothers and nurses,

sucked in the sweetness, humanity, and mildness of his government, to which

they were all of them so nourished and habituated, that there was nothing

surer than that they would sooner abandon their lives than swerve from this

singular and primitive obedience naturally due to their prince,

whithersoever they should be dispersed or removed.

And not only should they, and their children successively descending from

their blood, be such, but also would keep and maintain in this same fealty

and obsequious observance all the nations lately annexed to his empire;

which so truly came to pass that therein he was not disappointed of his

intent. For if the Utopians were before their transplantation thither

dutiful and faithful subjects, the Dipsodes, after some few days conversing

with them, were every whit as, if not more, loyal than they; and that by

virtue of I know not what natural fervency incident to all human creatures

at the beginning of any labour wherein they take delight: solemnly

attesting the heavens and supreme intelligences of their being only sorry

that no sooner unto their knowledge had arrived the great renown of the

good Pantagruel.

Remark therefore here, honest drinkers, that the manner of preserving and

retaining countries newly conquered in obedience is not, as hath been the

erroneous opinion of some tyrannical spirits to their own detriment and

dishonour, to pillage, plunder, force, spoil, trouble, oppress, vex,

disquiet, ruin and destroy the people, ruling, governing and keeping them

in awe with rods of iron; and, in a word, eating and devouring them, after

the fashion that Homer calls an unjust and wicked king, Demoboron, that is

to say, a devourer of his people.

I will not bring you to this purpose the testimony of ancient writers. It

shall suffice to put you in mind of what your fathers have seen thereof,

and yourselves too, if you be not very babes. Newborn, they must be given

suck to, rocked in a cradle, and dandled. Trees newly planted must be

supported, underpropped, strengthened and defended against all tempests,

mischiefs, injuries, and calamities. And one lately saved from a long and

dangerous sickness, and new upon his recovery, must be forborn, spared, and

cherished, in such sort that they may harbour in their own breasts this

opinion, that there is not in the world a king or a prince who does not

desire fewer enemies and more friends. Thus Osiris, the great king of the

Egyptians, conquered almost the whole earth, not so much by force of arms

as by easing the people of their troubles, teaching them how to live well,

and honestly giving them good laws, and using them with all possible

affability, courtesy, gentleness, and liberality. Therefore was he by all

men deservedly entitled the Great King Euergetes, that is to say,

Benefactor, which style he obtained by virtue of the command of Jupiter to

(one) Pamyla.

And in effect, Hesiod, in his Hierarchy, placed the good demons (call them

angels if you will, or geniuses,) as intercessors and mediators betwixt the

gods and men, they being of a degree inferior to the gods, but superior to

men. And for that through their hands the riches and benefits we get from

heaven are dealt to us, and that they are continually doing us good and

still protecting us from evil, he saith that they exercise the offices of

kings; because to do always good, and never ill, is an act most singularly

royal.

Just such another was the emperor of the universe, Alexander the

Macedonian. After this manner was Hercules sovereign possessor of the

whole continent, relieving men from monstrous oppressions, exactions, and

tyrannies; governing them with discretion, maintaining them in equity and

justice, instructing them with seasonable policies and wholesome laws,

convenient for and suitable to the soil, climate, and disposition of the

country, supplying what was wanting, abating what was superfluous, and

pardoning all that was past, with a sempiternal forgetfulness of all

preceding offences, as was the amnesty of the Athenians, when by the

prowess, valour, and industry of Thrasybulus the tyrants were

exterminated; afterwards at Rome by Cicero exposed, and renewed under the

Emperor Aurelian. These are the philtres, allurements, iynges,

inveiglements, baits, and enticements of love, by the means whereof that

may be peaceably revived which was painfully acquired. Nor can a

conqueror reign more happily, whether he be a monarch, emperor, king,

prince, or philosopher, than by making his justice to second his valour.

His valour shows itself in victory and conquest; his justice will appear

in the goodwill and affection of the people, when he maketh laws,

publisheth ordinances, establisheth religion, and doth what is right to

everyone, as the noble poet Virgil writes of Octavian Augustus:

Victorque volentes

Per populos dat jura.

Therefore is it that Homer in his Iliads calleth a good prince and great

king Kosmetora laon, that is, the ornament of the people.

Such was the consideration of Numa Pompilius, the second king of the

Romans, a just politician and wise philosopher, when he ordained that to

god Terminus, on the day of his festival called Terminales, nothing should

be sacrificed that had died; teaching us thereby that the bounds, limits,

and frontiers of kingdoms should be guarded, and preserved in peace, amity,

and meekness, without polluting our hands with blood and robbery. Who doth

otherwise, shall not only lose what he hath gained, but also be loaded with

this scandal and reproach, that he is an unjust and wicked purchaser, and

his acquests perish with him; Juxta illud, male parta, male dilabuntur.

And although during his whole lifetime he should have peaceable possession

thereof, yet if what hath been so acquired moulder away in the hands of his

heirs, the same opprobry, scandal, and imputation will be charged upon the

defunct, and his memory remain accursed for his unjust and unwarrantable

conquest; Juxta illud, de male quaesitis vix gaudet tertius haeres.

Remark, likewise, gentlemen, you gouty feoffees, in this main point worthy

of your observation, how by these means Pantagruel of one angel made two,

which was a contingency opposite to the counsel of Charlemagne, who made

two devils of one when he transplanted the Saxons into Flanders and the

Flemings into Saxony. For, not being able to keep in such subjection the

Saxons, whose dominion he had joined to the empire, but that ever and anon

they would break forth into open rebellion if he should casually be drawn

into Spain or other remote kingdoms, he caused them to be brought unto his

own country of Flanders, the inhabitants whereof did naturally obey him,

and transported the Hainaults and Flemings, his ancient loving subjects,

into Saxony, not mistrusting their loyalty now that they were transplanted

into a strange land. But it happened that the Saxons persisted in their

rebellion and primitive obstinacy, and the Flemings dwelling in Saxony did

imbibe the stubborn manners and conditions of the Saxons.