Kabanata Kabanata 89 · CHAPTER XXXVII. WHEREIN IS CONTINUED THE NOTABLE ADVENTURE OF THE DISTRESSED DUENNA

. CHAPTER XXXVII. WHEREIN IS CONTINUED THE NOTABLE ADVENTURE OF THE DISTRESSED DUENNA

CHAPTER XXXVII.

WHEREIN IS CONTINUED THE NOTABLE ADVENTURE OF THE DISTRESSED DUENNA

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The duke and duchess were extremely glad to see how readily Don Quixote

fell in with their scheme; but at this moment Sancho observed, “I hope

this señora duenna won’t be putting any difficulties in the way of the

promise of my government; for I have heard a Toledo apothecary, who

talked like a goldfinch, say that where duennas were mixed up nothing

good could happen. God bless me, how he hated them, that same

apothecary! And so what I’m thinking is, if all duennas, of whatever

sort or condition they may be, are plagues and busybodies, what must

they be that are distressed, like this Countess Three-skirts or

Three-tails!—for in my country skirts or tails, tails or skirts, it’s

all one.”

“Hush, friend Sancho,” said Don Quixote; “since this lady duenna comes

in quest of me from such a distant land she cannot be one of those the

apothecary meant; moreover this is a countess, and when countesses

serve as duennas it is in the service of queens and empresses, for in

their own houses they are mistresses paramount and have other duennas

to wait on them.”

To this Doña Rodriguez, who was present, made answer, “My lady the

duchess has duennas in her service that might be countesses if it was

the will of fortune; ‘but laws go as kings like;’ let nobody speak ill

of duennas, above all of ancient maiden ones; for though I am not one

myself, I know and am aware of the advantage a maiden duenna has over

one that is a widow; but ‘he who clipped us has kept the scissors.’”

“For all that,” said Sancho, “there’s so much to be clipped about

duennas, so my barber said, that ‘it will be better not to stir the

rice even though it sticks.’”

“These squires,” returned Doña Rodriguez, “are always our enemies; and

as they are the haunting spirits of the antechambers and watch us at

every step, whenever they are not saying their prayers (and that’s

often enough) they spend their time in tattling about us, digging up

our bones and burying our good name. But I can tell these walking

blocks that we will live in spite of them, and in great houses too,

though we die of hunger and cover our flesh, be it delicate or not,

with widow’s weeds, as one covers or hides a dunghill on a procession

day. By my faith, if it were permitted me and time allowed, I could

prove, not only to those here present, but to all the world, that there

is no virtue that is not to be found in a duenna.”

“I have no doubt,” said the duchess, “that my good Doña Rodriguez is

right, and very much so; but she had better bide her time for fighting

her own battle and that of the rest of the duennas, so as to crush the

calumny of that vile apothecary, and root out the prejudice in the

great Sancho Panza’s mind.”

To which Sancho replied, “Ever since I have sniffed the governorship I

have got rid of the humours of a squire, and I don’t care a wild fig

for all the duennas in the world.”

They would have carried on this duenna dispute further had they not

heard the notes of the fife and drums once more, from which they

concluded that the Distressed Duenna was making her entrance. The

duchess asked the duke if it would be proper to go out to receive her,

as she was a countess and a person of rank.

“In respect of her being a countess,” said Sancho, before the duke

could reply, “I am for your highnesses going out to receive her; but in

respect of her being a duenna, it is my opinion you should not stir a

step.”

“Who bade thee meddle in this, Sancho?” said Don Quixote.

“Who, señor?” said Sancho; “I meddle for I have a right to meddle, as a

squire who has learned the rules of courtesy in the school of your

worship, the most courteous and best-bred knight in the whole world of

courtliness; and in these things, as I have heard your worship say, as

much is lost by a card too many as by a card too few, and to one who

has his ears open, few words.”

“Sancho is right,” said the duke; “we’ll see what the countess is like,

and by that measure the courtesy that is due to her.”

And now the drums and fife made their entrance as before; and here the

author brought this short chapter to an end and began the next,

following up the same adventure, which is one of the most notable in

the history.

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