Kabanata Kabanata 60 · Of the nativity of the most

Chapter 2.II.

Of the nativity of the most dread and redoubted Pantagruel.

Gargantua at the age of four hundred fourscore forty and four years begat

his son Pantagruel, upon his wife named Badebec, daughter to the king of

the Amaurots in Utopia, who died in childbirth; for he was so wonderfully

great and lumpish that he could not possibly come forth into the light of

the world without thus suffocating his mother. But that we may fully

understand the cause and reason of the name of Pantagruel which at his

baptism was given him, you are to remark that in that year there was so

great drought over all the country of Africa that there passed thirty and

six months, three weeks, four days, thirteen hours and a little more

without rain, but with a heat so vehement that the whole earth was parched

and withered by it. Neither was it more scorched and dried up with heat in

the days of Elijah than it was at that time; for there was not a tree to be

seen that had either leaf or bloom upon it. The grass was without verdure

or greenness, the rivers were drained, the fountains dried up, the poor

fishes, abandoned and forsaken by their proper element, wandering and

crying upon the ground most horribly. The birds did fall down from the air

for want of moisture and dew wherewith to refresh them. The wolves, foxes,

harts, wild boars, fallow deer, hares, coneys, weasels, brocks, badgers,

and other such beasts, were found dead in the fields with their mouths

open. In respect of men, there was the pity, you should have seen them lay

out their tongues like hares that have been run six hours. Many did throw

themselves into the wells. Others entered within a cow’s belly to be in

the shade; those Homer calls Alibants. All the country was idle, and could

do no virtue. It was a most lamentable case to have seen the labour of

mortals in defending themselves from the vehemency of this horrific

drought; for they had work enough to do to save the holy water in the

churches from being wasted; but there was such order taken by the counsel

of my lords the cardinals and of our holy Father, that none did dare to

take above one lick. Yet when anyone came into the church, you should have

seen above twenty poor thirsty fellows hang upon him that was the

distributor of the water, and that with a wide open throat, gaping for some

little drop, like the rich glutton in Luke, that might fall by, lest

anything should be lost. O how happy was he in that year who had a cool

cellar under ground, well plenished with fresh wine!

The philosopher reports, in moving the question, Wherefore it is that the

sea-water is salt, that at the time when Phoebus gave the government of his

resplendent chariot to his son Phaeton, the said Phaeton, unskilful in the

art, and not knowing how to keep the ecliptic line betwixt the two tropics

of the latitude of the sun’s course, strayed out of his way, and came so

near the earth that he dried up all the countries that were under it,

burning a great part of the heavens which the philosophers call Via lactea,

and the huffsnuffs St. James’s way; although the most coped, lofty, and

high-crested poets affirm that to be the place where Juno’s milk fell when

she gave suck to Hercules. The earth at that time was so excessively

heated that it fell into an enormous sweat, yea, such a one as made it

sweat out the sea, which is therefore salt, because all sweat is salt; and

this you cannot but confess to be true if you will taste of your own, or of

those that have the pox, when they are put into sweating, it is all one to

me.

Just such another case fell out this same year: for on a certain Friday,

when the whole people were bent upon their devotions, and had made goodly

processions, with store of litanies, and fair preachings, and beseechings

of God Almighty to look down with his eye of mercy upon their miserable and

disconsolate condition, there was even then visibly seen issue out of the

ground great drops of water, such as fall from a puff-bagged man in a top

sweat, and the poor hoidens began to rejoice as if it had been a thing very

profitable unto them; for some said that there was not one drop of moisture

in the air whence they might have any rain, and that the earth did supply

the default of that. Other learned men said that it was a shower of the

antipodes, as Seneca saith in his fourth book Quaestionum naturalium,

speaking of the source and spring of Nilus. But they were deceived, for,

the procession being ended, when everyone went about to gather of this dew,

and to drink of it with full bowls, they found that it was nothing but

pickle and the very brine of salt, more brackish in taste than the saltest

water of the sea. And because in that very day Pantagruel was born, his

father gave him that name; for Panta in Greek is as much to say as all, and

Gruel in the Hagarene language doth signify thirsty, inferring hereby that

at his birth the whole world was a-dry and thirsty, as likewise foreseeing

that he would be some day supreme lord and sovereign of the thirsty

Ethrappels, which was shown to him at that very same hour by a more evident

sign. For when his mother Badebec was in the bringing of him forth, and

that the midwives did wait to receive him, there came first out of her

belly three score and eight tregeneers, that is, salt-sellers, every one of

them leading in a halter a mule heavy laden with salt; after whom issued

forth nine dromedaries, with great loads of gammons of bacon and dried

neat’s tongues on their backs. Then followed seven camels loaded with

links and chitterlings, hogs’ puddings, and sausages. After them came out

five great wains, full of leeks, garlic, onions, and chibots, drawn with

five-and-thirty strong cart-horses, which was six for every one, besides

the thiller. At the sight hereof the said midwives were much amazed, yet

some of them said, Lo, here is good provision, and indeed we need it; for

we drink but lazily, as if our tongues walked on crutches, and not lustily

like Lansman Dutches. Truly this is a good sign; there is nothing here but

what is fit for us; these are the spurs of wine, that set it a-going. As

they were tattling thus together after their own manner of chat, behold!

out comes Pantagruel all hairy like a bear, whereupon one of them, inspired

with a prophetical spirit, said, This will be a terrible fellow; he is born

with all his hair; he is undoubtedly to do wonderful things, and if he live

he shall have age.