Kabanata Kabanata 8 · 第8章

. Mr Pontifex had set his heart on his son’s becoming a fellow of a

college before he became a clergyman. This would provide for him at

once and would ensure his getting a living if none of his father’s

ecclesiastical friends gave him one. The boy had done just well enough

at school to render this possible, so he was sent to one of the smaller

colleges at Cambridge and was at once set to read with the best private

tutors that could be found. A system of examination had been adopted a

year or so before Theobald took his degree which had improved his

chances of a fellowship, for whatever ability he had was classical

rather than mathematical, and this system gave more encouragement to

classical studies than had been given hitherto.

Theobald had the sense to see that he had a chance of independence if

he worked hard, and he liked the notion of becoming a fellow. He

therefore applied himself, and in the end took a degree which made his

getting a fellowship in all probability a mere question of time. For a

while Mr Pontifex senior was really pleased, and told his son he would

present him with the works of any standard writer whom he might select.

The young man chose the works of Bacon, and Bacon accordingly made his

appearance in ten nicely bound volumes. A little inspection, however,

showed that the copy was a second hand one.

Now that he had taken his degree the next thing to look forward to was

ordination—about which Theobald had thought little hitherto beyond

acquiescing in it as something that would come as a matter of course

some day. Now, however, it had actually come and was asserting itself

as a thing which should be only a few months off, and this rather

frightened him inasmuch as there would be no way out of it when he was

once in it. He did not like the near view of ordination as well as the

distant one, and even made some feeble efforts to escape, as may be

perceived by the following correspondence which his son Ernest found

among his father’s papers written on gilt-edged paper, in faded ink and

tied neatly round with a piece of tape, but without any note or

comment. I have altered nothing. The letters are as follows:—

“My dear Father,—I do not like opening up a question which has been

considered settled, but as the time approaches I begin to be very

doubtful how far I am fitted to be a clergyman. Not, I am thankful to

say, that I have the faintest doubts about the Church of England, and I

could subscribe cordially to every one of the thirty-nine articles

which do indeed appear to me to be the _ne plus ultra_ of human wisdom,

and Paley, too, leaves no loop-hole for an opponent; but I am sure I

should be running counter to your wishes if I were to conceal from you

that I do not feel the inward call to be a minister of the gospel that

I shall have to say I have felt when the Bishop ordains me. I try to

get this feeling, I pray for it earnestly, and sometimes half think

that I have got it, but in a little time it wears off, and though I

have no absolute repugnance to being a clergyman and trust that if I am

one I shall endeavour to live to the Glory of God and to advance His

interests upon earth, yet I feel that something more than this is

wanted before I am fully justified in going into the Church. I am aware

that I have been a great expense to you in spite of my scholarships,

but you have ever taught me that I should obey my conscience, and my

conscience tells me I should do wrong if I became a clergyman. God may

yet give me the spirit for which I assure you I have been and am

continually praying, but He may not, and in that case would it not be

better for me to try and look out for something else? I know that

neither you nor John wish me to go into your business, nor do I

understand anything about money matters, but is there nothing else that

I can do? I do not like to ask you to maintain me while I go in for

medicine or the bar; but when I get my fellowship, which should not be

long first, I will endeavour to cost you nothing further, and I might

make a little money by writing or taking pupils. I trust you will not

think this letter improper; nothing is further from my wish than to

cause you any uneasiness. I hope you will make allowance for my present

feelings which, indeed, spring from nothing but from that respect for

my conscience which no one has so often instilled into me as yourself.

Pray let me have a few lines shortly. I hope your cold is better. With

love to Eliza and Maria, I am, your affectionate son,

“THEOBALD PONTIFEX.”

“Dear Theobald,—I can enter into your feelings and have no wish to

quarrel with your expression of them. It is quite right and natural

that you should feel as you do except as regards one passage, the

impropriety of which you will yourself doubtless feel upon reflection,

and to which I will not further allude than to say that it has wounded

me. You should not have said ‘in spite of my scholarships.’ It was only

proper that if you could do anything to assist me in bearing the heavy

burden of your education, the money should be, as it was, made over to

myself. Every line in your letter convinces me that you are under the

influence of a morbid sensitiveness which is one of the devil’s

favourite devices for luring people to their destruction. I have, as

you say, been at great expense with your education. Nothing has been

spared by me to give you the advantages, which, as an English

gentleman, I was anxious to afford my son, but I am not prepared to see

that expense thrown away and to have to begin again from the beginning,

merely because you have taken some foolish scruples into your head,

which you should resist as no less unjust to yourself than to me.

“Don’t give way to that restless desire for change which is the bane of

so many persons of both sexes at the present day.

“Of course you needn’t be ordained: nobody will compel you; you are

perfectly free; you are twenty-three years of age, and should know your

own mind; but why not have known it sooner, instead of never so much as

breathing a hint of opposition until I have had all the expense of

sending you to the University, which I should never have done unless I

had believed you to have made up your mind about taking orders? I have

letters from you in which you express the most perfect willingness to

be ordained, and your brother and sisters will bear me out in saying

that no pressure of any sort has been put upon you. You mistake your

own mind, and are suffering from a nervous timidity which may be very

natural but may not the less be pregnant with serious consequences to

yourself. I am not at all well, and the anxiety occasioned by your

letter is naturally preying upon me. May God guide you to a better

judgement.—Your affectionate father,

G. PONTIFEX.”

On the receipt of this letter Theobald plucked up his spirits. “My

father,” he said to himself, “tells me I need not be ordained if I do

not like. I do not like, and therefore I will not be ordained. But what

was the meaning of the words ‘pregnant with serious consequences to

yourself’? Did there lurk a threat under these words—though it was

impossible to lay hold of it or of them? Were they not intended to

produce all the effect of a threat without being actually threatening?”

Theobald knew his father well enough to be little likely to

misapprehend his meaning, but having ventured so far on the path of

opposition, and being really anxious to get out of being ordained if he

could, he determined to venture farther. He accordingly wrote the

following:

“My dear father,—You tell me—and I heartily thank you—that no one will

compel me to be ordained. I knew you would not press ordination upon me

if my conscience was seriously opposed to it; I have therefore resolved

on giving up the idea, and believe that if you will continue to allow

me what you do at present, until I get my fellowship, which should not

be long, I will then cease putting you to further expense. I will make

up my mind as soon as possible what profession I will adopt, and will

let you know at once.—Your affectionate son,

THEOBALD PONTIFEX.”

The remaining letter, written by return of post, must now be given. It

has the merit of brevity.

“Dear Theobald,—I have received yours. I am at a loss to conceive its

motive, but am very clear as to its effect. You shall not receive a

single sixpence from me till you come to your senses. Should you

persist in your folly and wickedness, I am happy to remember that I

have yet other children whose conduct I can depend upon to be a source

of credit and happiness to me.—Your affectionate but troubled father,

G. PONTIFEX.”

I do not know the immediate sequel to the foregoing correspondence, but

it all came perfectly right in the end. Either Theobald’s heart failed

him, or he interpreted the outward shove which his father gave him, as

the inward call for which I have no doubt he prayed with great

earnestness—for he was a firm believer in the efficacy of prayer. And

so am I under certain circumstances. Tennyson has said that more things

are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of, but he has wisely

refrained from saying whether they are good things or bad things. It

might perhaps be as well if the world were to dream of, or even become

wide awake to, some of the things that are being wrought by prayer. But

the question is avowedly difficult. In the end Theobald got his

fellowship by a stroke of luck very soon after taking his degree, and

was ordained in the autumn of the same year, 1825.