Kabanata Kabanata 41 · 第41章

I must say, that if such a prospect of work had presented itself at

first, when I began to feel the approach of my miserable

circumstances—I say, had such a prospect of getting my bread by working

presented itself then, I had never fallen into this wicked trade, or

into such a wicked gang as I was now embarked with; but practice had

hardened me, and I grew audacious to the last degree; and the more so

because I had carried it on so long, and had never been taken; for, in

a word, my new partner in wickedness and I went on together so long,

without being ever detected, that we not only grew bold, but we grew

rich, and we had at one time one-and-twenty gold watches in our hands.

I remember that one day being a little more serious than ordinary, and

finding I had so good a stock beforehand as I had, for I had near £200

in money for my share, it came strongly into my mind, no doubt from

some kind spirit, if such there be, that at first poverty excited me,

and my distresses drove me to these dreadful shifts; so seeing those

distresses were now relieved, and I could also get something towards a

maintenance by working, and had so good a bank to support me, why

should I now not leave off, as they say, while I was well? that I could

not expect to go always free; and if I was once surprised, and

miscarried, I was undone.

This was doubtless the happy minute, when, if I had hearkened to the

blessed hint, from whatsoever had it came, I had still a cast for an

easy life. But my fate was otherwise determined; the busy devil that so

industriously drew me in had too fast hold of me to let me go back; but

as poverty brought me into the mire, so avarice kept me in, till there

was no going back. As to the arguments which my reason dictated for

persuading me to lay down, avarice stepped in and said, “Go on, go on;

you have had very good luck; go on till you have gotten four or five

hundred pounds, and then you shall leave off, and then you may live

easy without working at all.”

Thus I, that was once in the devil’s clutches, was held fast there as

with a charm, and had no power to go without the circle, till I was

engulfed in labyrinths of trouble too great to get out at all.

However, these thoughts left some impression upon me, and made me act

with some more caution than before, and more than my directors used for

themselves. My comrade, as I called her, but rather she should have

been called my teacher, with another of her scholars, was the first in

the misfortune; for, happening to be upon the hunt for purchase, they

made an attempt upon a linen-draper in Cheapside, but were snapped by a

hawk’s-eyed journeyman, and seized with two pieces of cambric, which

were taken also upon them.

This was enough to lodge them both in Newgate, where they had the

misfortune to have some of their former sins brought to remembrance.

Two other indictments being brought against them, and the facts being

proved upon them, they were both condemned to die. They both pleaded

their bellies, and were both voted quick with child; though my tutoress

was no more with child than I was.

I went frequently to see them, and condole with them, expecting that it

would be my turn next; but the place gave me so much horror, reflecting

that it was the place of my unhappy birth, and of my mother’s

misfortunes, and that I could not bear it, so I was forced to leave off

going to see them.

And oh! could I have but taken warning by their disasters, I had been

happy still, for I was yet free, and had nothing brought against me;

but it could not be, my measure was not yet filled up.

My comrade, having the brand of an old offender, was executed; the

young offender was spared, having obtained a reprieve, but lay starving

a long while in prison, till at last she got her name into what they

call a circuit pardon, and so came off.

This terrible example of my comrade frighted me heartily, and for a

good while I made no excursions; but one night, in the neighbourhood of

my governess’s house, they cried “Fire.” My governess looked out, for

we were all up, and cried immediately that such a gentlewoman’s house

was all of a light fire atop, and so indeed it was. Here she gives me a

job. “Now, child,” says she, “there is a rare opportunity, for the fire

being so near that you may go to it before the street is blocked up

with the crowd.” She presently gave me my cue. “Go, child,” says she,

“to the house, and run in and tell the lady, or anybody you see, that

you come to help them, and that you came from such a gentlewoman (that

is, one of her acquaintance farther up the street).” She gave me the

like cue to the next house, naming another name that was also an

acquaintance of the gentlewoman of the house.

Away I went, and, coming to the house, I found them all in confusion,

you may be sure. I ran in, and finding one of the maids, “Lord!

sweetheart,” says I, “how came this dismal accident? Where is your

mistress? Any how does she do? Is she safe? And where are the children?

I come from Madam —— to help you.” Away runs the maid. “Madam, madam,”

says she, screaming as loud as she could yell, “here is a gentlewoman

come from Madam —— to help us.” The poor woman, half out of her wits,

with a bundle under her arm, an two little children, comes toward me.

“Lord! madam,” says I, “let me carry the poor children to Madam ——,”

she desires you to send them; she’ll take care of the poor lambs;’ and

immediately I takes one of them out of her hand, and she lifts the

other up into my arms. “Ay, do, for God’s sake,” says she, “carry them

to her. Oh! thank her for her kindness.” “Have you anything else to

secure, madam?” says I; “she will take care of it.” “Oh dear! ay,” says

she, “God bless her, and thank her. Take this bundle of plate and carry

it to her too. Oh, she is a good woman. Oh Lord! we are utterly ruined,

utterly undone!” And away she runs from me out of her wits, and the

maids after her; and away comes I with the two children and the bundle.

I was no sooner got into the street but I saw another woman come to me.

“Oh!” says she, “mistress,” in a piteous tone, “you will let fall the

child. Come, this is a sad time; let me help you”; and immediately lays

hold of my bundle to carry it for me. “No,” says I; “if you will help

me, take the child by the hand, and lead it for me but to the upper end

of the street; I’ll go with you and satisfy you for your pains.”

She could not avoid going, after what I said; but the creature, in

short, was one of the same business with me, and wanted nothing but the

bundle; however, she went with me to the door, for she could not help

it. When we were come there I whispered her, “Go, child,” said I, “I

understand your trade; you may meet with purchase enough.”

She understood me and walked off. I thundered at the door with the

children, and as the people were raised before by the noise of the

fire, I was soon let in, and I said, “Is madam awake? Pray tell her

Mrs. —— desires the favour of her to take the two children in; poor

lady, she will be undone, their house is all of a flame,” They took the

children in very civilly, pitied the family in distress, and away came

I with my bundle. One of the maids asked me if I was not to leave the

bundle too. I said, “No, sweetheart, ’tis to go to another place; it

does not belong to them.”

I was a great way out of the hurry now, and so I went on, clear of

anybody’s inquiry, and brought the bundle of plate, which was very

considerable, straight home, and gave it to my old governess. She told

me she would not look into it, but bade me go out again to look for

more.

She gave me the like cue to the gentlewoman of the next house to that

which was on fire, and I did my endeavour to go, but by this time the

alarm of fire was so great, and so many engines playing, and the street

so thronged with people, that I could not get near the house whatever I

would do; so I came back again to my governess’s, and taking the bundle

up into my chamber, I began to examine it. It is with horror that I

tell what a treasure I found there; ’tis enough to say, that besides

most of the family plate, which was considerable, I found a gold chain,

an old-fashioned thing, the locket of which was broken, so that I

suppose it had not been used some years, but the gold was not the worse

for that; also a little box of burying-rings, the lady’s wedding-ring,

and some broken bits of old lockets of gold, a gold watch, and a purse

with about £24 value in old pieces of gold coin, and several other

things of value.

This was the greatest and the worst prize that ever I was concerned in;

for indeed, though, as I have said above, I was hardened now beyond the

power of all reflection in other cases, yet it really touched me to the

very soul when I looked into this treasure, to think of the poor

disconsolate gentlewoman who had lost so much by the fire besides; and

who would think, to be sure, that she had saved her plate and best

things; how she would be surprised and afflicted when she should find

that she had been deceived, and should find that the person that took

her children and her goods, had not come, as was pretended, from the

gentlewoman in the next street, but that the children had been put upon

her without her own knowledge.

I say, I confess the inhumanity of this action moved me very much, and

made me relent exceedingly, and tears stood in my eyes upon that

subject; but with all my sense of its being cruel and inhuman, I could

never find in my heart to make any restitution. The reflection wore

off, and I began quickly to forget the circumstances that attended the

taking them.

Nor was this all; for though by this job I was become considerably

richer than before, yet the resolution I had formerly taken, of leaving

off this horrid trade when I had gotten a little more, did not return,

but I must still get farther, and more; and the avarice joined so with

the success, that I had no more thought of coming to a timely

alteration of life, though without it I could expect no safety, no

tranquillity in the possession of what I had so wickedly gained; but a

little more, and a little more, was the case still.