Bab Bab 101 · CHAPTER XLIX. OF WHAT HAPPENED SANCHO IN MAKING THE ROUND OF HIS ISLAND

. CHAPTER XLIX. OF WHAT HAPPENED SANCHO IN MAKING THE ROUND OF HIS ISLAND

CHAPTER XLIX.

OF WHAT HAPPENED SANCHO IN MAKING THE ROUND OF HIS ISLAND

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We left the great governor angered and irritated by that

portrait-painting rogue of a farmer who, instructed by the majordomo,

as the majordomo was by the duke, tried to practise upon him; he

however, fool, boor, and clown as he was, held his own against them

all, saying to those round him and to Doctor Pedro Recio, who as soon

as the private business of the duke’s letter was disposed of had

returned to the room, “Now I see plainly enough that judges and

governors ought to be and must be made of brass not to feel the

importunities of the applicants that at all times and all seasons

insist on being heard, and having their business despatched, and their

own affairs and no others attended to, come what may; and if the poor

judge does not hear them and settle the matter—either because he cannot

or because that is not the time set apart for hearing them—forthwith

they abuse him, and run him down, and gnaw at his bones, and even pick

holes in his pedigree. You silly, stupid applicant, don’t be in a

hurry; wait for the proper time and season for doing business; don’t

come at dinner-hour, or at bed-time; for judges are only flesh and

blood, and must give to Nature what she naturally demands of them; all

except myself, for in my case I give her nothing to eat, thanks to

Señor Doctor Pedro Recio Tirteafuera here, who would have me die of

hunger, and declares that death to be life; and the same sort of life

may God give him and all his kind—I mean the bad doctors; for the good

ones deserve palms and laurels.”

All who knew Sancho Panza were astonished to hear him speak so

elegantly, and did not know what to attribute it to unless it were that

office and grave responsibility either smarten or stupefy men’s wits.

At last Doctor Pedro Recio Agilers of Tirteafuera promised to let him

have supper that night though it might be in contravention of all the

aphorisms of Hippocrates. With this the governor was satisfied and

looked forward to the approach of night and supper-time with great

anxiety; and though time, to his mind, stood still and made no

progress, nevertheless the hour he so longed for came, and they gave

him a beef salad with onions and some boiled calves’ feet rather far

gone. At this he fell to with greater relish than if they had given him

francolins from Milan, pheasants from Rome, veal from Sorrento,

partridges from Moron, or geese from Lavajos, and turning to the doctor

at supper he said to him, “Look here, señor doctor, for the future

don’t trouble yourself about giving me dainty things or choice dishes

to eat, for it will be only taking my stomach off its hinges; it is

accustomed to goat, cow, bacon, hung beef, turnips and onions; and if

by any chance it is given these palace dishes, it receives them

squeamishly, and sometimes with loathing. What the head-carver had best

do is to serve me with what they call ollas podridas (and the rottener

they are the better they smell); and he can put whatever he likes into

them, so long as it is good to eat, and I’ll be obliged to him, and

will requite him some day. But let nobody play pranks on me, for either

we are or we are not; let us live and eat in peace and good-fellowship,

for when God sends the dawn, he sends it for all. I mean to govern this

island without giving up a right or taking a bribe; let everyone keep

his eye open, and look out for the arrow; for I can tell them ‘the

devil’s in Cantillana,’ and if they drive me to it they’ll see

something that will astonish them. Nay! make yourself honey and the

flies eat you.”

“Of a truth, señor governor,” said the carver, “your worship is in the

right of it in everything you have said; and I promise you in the name

of all the inhabitants of this island that they will serve your worship

with all zeal, affection, and good-will, for the mild kind of

government you have given a sample of to begin with, leaves them no

ground for doing or thinking anything to your worship’s disadvantage.”

“That I believe,” said Sancho; “and they would be great fools if they

did or thought otherwise; once more I say, see to my feeding and my

Dapple’s for that is the great point and what is most to the purpose;

and when the hour comes let us go the rounds, for it is my intention to

purge this island of all manner of uncleanness and of all idle

good-for-nothing vagabonds; for I would have you know that lazy idlers

are the same thing in a State as the drones in a hive, that eat up the

honey the industrious bees make. I mean to protect the husbandman, to

preserve to the gentleman his privileges, to reward the virtuous, and

above all to respect religion and honour its ministers. What say you to

that, my friends? Is there anything in what I say, or am I talking to

no purpose?”

“There is so much in what your worship says, señor governor,” said the

majordomo, “that I am filled with wonder when I see a man like your

worship, entirely without learning (for I believe you have none at

all), say such things, and so full of sound maxims and sage remarks,

very different from what was expected of your worship’s intelligence by

those who sent us or by us who came here. Every day we see something

new in this world; jokes become realities, and the jokers find the

tables turned upon them.”

Night came, and with the permission of Doctor Pedro Recio, the governor

had supper. They then got ready to go the rounds, and he started with

the majordomo, the secretary, the head-carver, the chronicler charged

with recording his deeds, and alguacils and notaries enough to form a

fair-sized squadron. In the midst marched Sancho with his staff, as

fine a sight as one could wish to see, and but a few streets of the

town had been traversed when they heard a noise as of a clashing of

swords. They hastened to the spot, and found that the combatants were

but two, who seeing the authorities approaching stood still, and one of

them exclaimed, “Help, in the name of God and the king! Are men to be

allowed to rob in the middle of this town, and rush out and attack

people in the very streets?”

“Be calm, my good man,” said Sancho, “and tell me what the cause of

this quarrel is; for I am the governor.”

Said the other combatant, “Señor governor, I will tell you in a very

few words. Your worship must know that this gentleman has just now won

more than a thousand reals in that gambling house opposite, and God

knows how. I was there, and gave more than one doubtful point in his

favour, very much against what my conscience told me. He made off with

his winnings, and when I made sure he was going to give me a crown or

so at least by way of a present, as it is usual and customary to give

men of quality of my sort who stand by to see fair or foul play, and

back up swindles, and prevent quarrels, he pocketed his money and left

the house. Indignant at this I followed him, and speaking to him fairly

and civilly asked him to give me if it were only eight reals, for he

knows I am an honest man and that I have neither profession nor

property, for my parents never brought me up to any or left me any; but

the rogue, who is a greater thief than Cacus and a greater sharper than

Andradilla, would not give me more than four reals; so your worship may

see how little shame and conscience he has. But by my faith if you had

not come up I’d have made him disgorge his winnings, and he’d have

learned what the range of the steel-yard was.”

“What say you to this?” asked Sancho. The other replied that all his

antagonist said was true, and that he did not choose to give him more

than four reals because he very often gave him money; and that those

who expected presents ought to be civil and take what is given them

with a cheerful countenance, and not make any claim against winners

unless they know them for certain to be sharpers and their winnings to

be unfairly won; and that there could be no better proof that he

himself was an honest man than his having refused to give anything; for

sharpers always pay tribute to lookers-on who know them.

“That is true,” said the majordomo; “let your worship consider what is

to be done with these men.”

“What is to be done,” said Sancho, “is this; you, the winner, be you

good, bad, or indifferent, give this assailant of yours a hundred reals

at once, and you must disburse thirty more for the poor prisoners; and

you who have neither profession nor property, and hang about the island

in idleness, take these hundred reals now, and some time of the day

to-morrow quit the island under sentence of banishment for ten years,

and under pain of completing it in another life if you violate the

sentence, for I’ll hang you on a gibbet, or at least the hangman will

by my orders; not a word from either of you, or I’ll make him feel my

hand.”

The one paid down the money and the other took it, and the latter

quitted the island, while the other went home; and then the governor

said, “Either I am not good for much, or I’ll get rid of these gambling

houses, for it strikes me they are very mischievous.”

“This one at least,” said one of the notaries, “your worship will not

be able to get rid of, for a great man owns it, and what he loses every

year is beyond all comparison more than what he makes by the cards. On

the minor gambling houses your worship may exercise your power, and it

is they that do most harm and shelter the most barefaced practices; for

in the houses of lords and gentlemen of quality the notorious sharpers

dare not attempt to play their tricks; and as the vice of gambling has

become common, it is better that men should play in houses of repute

than in some tradesman’s, where they catch an unlucky fellow in the

small hours of the morning and skin him alive.”

“I know already, notary, that there is a good deal to be said on that

point,” said Sancho.

And now a tipstaff came up with a young man in his grasp, and said,

“Señor governor, this youth was coming towards us, and as soon as he

saw the officers of justice he turned about and ran like a deer, a sure

proof that he must be some evil-doer; I ran after him, and had it not

been that he stumbled and fell, I should never have caught him.”

“What did you run for, fellow?” said Sancho.

To which the young man replied, “Señor, it was to avoid answering all

the questions officers of justice put.”

“What are you by trade?”

“A weaver.”

“And what do you weave?”

“Lance heads, with your worship’s good leave.”

“You’re facetious with me! You plume yourself on being a wag? Very

good; and where were you going just now?”

“To take the air, señor.”

“And where does one take the air in this island?”

“Where it blows.”

“Good! your answers are very much to the point; you are a smart youth;

but take notice that I am the air, and that I blow upon you a-stern,

and send you to gaol. Ho there! lay hold of him and take him off; I’ll

make him sleep there to-night without air.”

“By God,” said the young man, “your worship will make me sleep in gaol

just as soon as make me king.”

“Why shan’t I make thee sleep in gaol?” said Sancho. “Have I not the

power to arrest thee and release thee whenever I like?”

“All the power your worship has,” said the young man, “won’t be able to

make me sleep in gaol.”

“How? not able!” said Sancho; “take him away at once where he’ll see

his mistake with his own eyes, even if the gaoler is willing to exert

his interested generosity on his behalf; for I’ll lay a penalty of two

thousand ducats on him if he allows him to stir a step from the

prison.”

“That’s ridiculous,” said the young man; “the fact is, all the men on

earth will not make me sleep in prison.”

“Tell me, you devil,” said Sancho, “have you got any angel that will

deliver you, and take off the irons I am going to order them to put

upon you?”

“Now, señor governor,” said the young man in a sprightly manner, “let

us be reasonable and come to the point. Granted your worship may order

me to be taken to prison, and to have irons and chains put on me, and

to be shut up in a cell, and may lay heavy penalties on the gaoler if

he lets me out, and that he obeys your orders; still, if I don’t choose

to sleep, and choose to remain awake all night without closing an eye,

will your worship with all your power be able to make me sleep if I

don’t choose?”

“No, truly,” said the secretary, “and the fellow has made his point.”

“So then,” said Sancho, “it would be entirely of your own choice you

would keep from sleeping; not in opposition to my will?”

“No, señor,” said the youth, “certainly not.”

“Well then, go, and God be with you,” said Sancho; “be off home to

sleep, and God give you sound sleep, for I don’t want to rob you of it;

but for the future, let me advise you don’t joke with the authorities,

because you may come across someone who will bring down the joke on

your own skull.”

The young man went his way, and the governor continued his round, and

shortly afterwards two tipstaffs came up with a man in custody, and

said, “Señor governor, this person, who seems to be a man, is not so,

but a woman, and not an ill-favoured one, in man’s clothes.” They

raised two or three lanterns to her face, and by their light they

distinguished the features of a woman to all appearance of the age of

sixteen or a little more, with her hair gathered into a gold and green

silk net, and fair as a thousand pearls. They scanned her from head to

foot, and observed that she had on red silk stockings with garters of

white taffety bordered with gold and pearl; her breeches were of green

and gold stuff, and under an open jacket or jerkin of the same she wore

a doublet of the finest white and gold cloth; her shoes were white and

such as men wear; she carried no sword at her belt, but only a richly

ornamented dagger, and on her fingers she had several handsome rings.

In short, the girl seemed fair to look at in the eyes of all, and none

of those who beheld her knew her, the people of the town said they

could not imagine who she was, and those who were in on the secret of

the jokes that were to be practised upon Sancho were the ones who were

most surprised, for this incident or discovery had not been arranged by

them; and they watched anxiously to see how the affair would end.

Sancho was fascinated by the girl’s beauty, and he asked her who she

was, where she was going, and what had induced her to dress herself in

that garb. She with her eyes fixed on the ground answered in modest

confusion, “I cannot tell you, señor, before so many people what it is

of such consequence to me to have kept secret; one thing I wish to be

known, that I am no thief or evildoer, but only an unhappy maiden whom

the power of jealousy has led to break through the respect that is due

to modesty.”

Hearing this the majordomo said to Sancho, “Make the people stand back,

señor governor, that this lady may say what she wishes with less

embarrassment.”

Sancho gave the order, and all except the majordomo, the head-carver,

and the secretary fell back. Finding herself then in the presence of no

more, the damsel went on to say, “I am the daughter, sirs, of Pedro

Perez Mazorca, the wool-farmer of this town, who is in the habit of

coming very often to my father’s house.”

“That won’t do, señora,” said the majordomo; “for I know Pedro Perez

very well, and I know he has no child at all, either son or daughter;

and besides, though you say he is your father, you add then that he

comes very often to your father’s house.”

“I had already noticed that,” said Sancho.

“I am confused just now, sirs,” said the damsel, “and I don’t know what

I am saying; but the truth is that I am the daughter of Diego de la

Llana, whom you must all know.”

“Ay, that will do,” said the majordomo; “for I know Diego de la Llana,

and know that he is a gentleman of position and a rich man, and that he

has a son and a daughter, and that since he was left a widower nobody

in all this town can speak of having seen his daughter’s face; for he

keeps her so closely shut up that he does not give even the sun a

chance of seeing her; and for all that report says she is extremely

beautiful.”

“It is true,” said the damsel, “and I am that daughter; whether report

lies or not as to my beauty, you, sirs, will have decided by this time,

as you have seen me;” and with this she began to weep bitterly.

On seeing this the secretary leant over to the head-carver’s ear, and

said to him in a low voice, “Something serious has no doubt happened

this poor maiden, that she goes wandering from home in such a dress and

at such an hour, and one of her rank too.” “There can be no doubt about

it,” returned the carver, “and moreover her tears confirm your

suspicion.” Sancho gave her the best comfort he could, and entreated

her to tell them without any fear what had happened her, as they would

all earnestly and by every means in their power endeavour to relieve

her.

“The fact is, sirs,” said she, “that my father has kept me shut up

these ten years, for so long is it since the earth received my mother.

Mass is said at home in a sumptuous chapel, and all this time I have

seen but the sun in the heaven by day, and the moon and the stars by

night; nor do I know what streets are like, or plazas, or churches, or

even men, except my father and a brother I have, and Pedro Perez the

wool-farmer; whom, because he came frequently to our house, I took it

into my head to call my father, to avoid naming my own. This seclusion

and the restrictions laid upon my going out, were it only to church,

have been keeping me unhappy for many a day and month past; I longed to

see the world, or at least the town where I was born, and it did not

seem to me that this wish was inconsistent with the respect maidens of

good quality should have for themselves. When I heard them talking of

bull-fights taking place, and of javelin games, and of acting plays, I

asked my brother, who is a year younger than myself, to tell me what

sort of things these were, and many more that I had never seen; he

explained them to me as well as he could, but the only effect was to

kindle in me a still stronger desire to see them. At last, to cut short

the story of my ruin, I begged and entreated my brother—O that I had

never made such an entreaty—” And once more she gave way to a burst of

weeping.

“Proceed, señora,” said the majordomo, “and finish your story of what

has happened to you, for your words and tears are keeping us all in

suspense.”

“I have but little more to say, though many a tear to shed,” said the

damsel; “for ill-placed desires can only be paid for in some such way.”

The maiden’s beauty had made a deep impression on the head-carver’s

heart, and he again raised his lantern for another look at her, and

thought they were not tears she was shedding, but seed-pearl or dew of

the meadow, nay, he exalted them still higher, and made Oriental pearls

of them, and fervently hoped her misfortune might not be so great a one

as her tears and sobs seemed to indicate. The governor was losing

patience at the length of time the girl was taking to tell her story,

and told her not to keep them waiting any longer; for it was late, and

there still remained a good deal of the town to be gone over.

She, with broken sobs and half-suppressed sighs, went on to say, “My

misfortune, my misadventure, is simply this, that I entreated my

brother to dress me up as a man in a suit of his clothes, and take me

some night, when our father was asleep, to see the whole town; he,

overcome by my entreaties, consented, and dressing me in this suit and

himself in clothes of mine that fitted him as if made for him (for he

has not a hair on his chin, and might pass for a very beautiful young

girl), to-night, about an hour ago, more or less, we left the house,

and guided by our youthful and foolish impulse we made the circuit of

the whole town, and then, as we were about to return home, we saw a

great troop of people coming, and my brother said to me, ‘Sister, this

must be the round, stir your feet and put wings to them, and follow me

as fast as you can, lest they recognise us, for that would be a bad

business for us;’ and so saying he turned about and began, I cannot say

to run but to fly; in less than six paces I fell from fright, and then

the officer of justice came up and carried me before your worships,

where I find myself put to shame before all these people as whimsical

and vicious.”

“So then, señora,” said Sancho, “no other mishap has befallen you, nor

was it jealousy that made you leave home, as you said at the beginning

of your story?”

“Nothing has happened me,” said she, “nor was it jealousy that brought

me out, but merely a longing to see the world, which did not go beyond

seeing the streets of this town.”

The appearance of the tipstaffs with her brother in custody, whom one

of them had overtaken as he ran away from his sister, now fully

confirmed the truth of what the damsel said. He had nothing on but a

rich petticoat and a short blue damask cloak with fine gold lace, and

his head was uncovered and adorned only with its own hair, which looked

like rings of gold, so bright and curly was it. The governor, the

majordomo, and the carver went aside with him, and, unheard by his

sister, asked him how he came to be in that dress, and he with no less

shame and embarrassment told exactly the same story as his sister, to

the great delight of the enamoured carver; the governor, however, said

to them, “In truth, young lady and gentleman, this has been a very

childish affair, and to explain your folly and rashness there was no

necessity for all this delay and all these tears and sighs; for if you

had said we are so-and-so, and we escaped from our father’s house in

this way in order to ramble about, out of mere curiosity and with no

other object, there would have been an end of the matter, and none of

these little sobs and tears and all the rest of it.”

“That is true,” said the damsel, “but you see the confusion I was in

was so great it did not let me behave as I ought.”

“No harm has been done,” said Sancho; “come, we will leave you at your

father’s house; perhaps they will not have missed you; and another time

don’t be so childish or eager to see the world; for a respectable

damsel should have a broken leg and keep at home; and the woman and the

hen by gadding about are soon lost; and she who is eager to see is also

eager to be seen; I say no more.”

The youth thanked the governor for his kind offer to take them home,

and they directed their steps towards the house, which was not far off.

On reaching it the youth threw a pebble up at a grating, and

immediately a woman-servant who was waiting for them came down and

opened the door to them, and they went in, leaving the party marvelling

as much at their grace and beauty as at the fancy they had for seeing

the world by night and without quitting the village; which, however,

they set down to their youth.

The head-carver was left with a heart pierced through and through, and

he made up his mind on the spot to demand the damsel in marriage of her

father on the morrow, making sure she would not be refused him as he

was a servant of the duke’s; and even to Sancho ideas and schemes of

marrying the youth to his daughter Sanchica suggested themselves, and

he resolved to open the negotiation at the proper season, persuading

himself that no husband could be refused to a governor’s daughter. And

so the night’s round came to an end, and a couple of days later the

government, whereby all his plans were overthrown and swept away, as

will be seen farther on.

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