Bab Bab 30 · THE CONCLUSION.

At the bottom of his heart Candide had no wish to marry Cunegonde. But

the extreme impertinence of the Baron determined him to conclude the

match, and Cunegonde pressed him so strongly that he could not go from

his word. He consulted Pangloss, Martin, and the faithful Cacambo.

Pangloss drew up an excellent memorial, wherein he proved that the Baron

had no right over his sister, and that according to all the laws of the

empire, she might marry Candide with her left hand. Martin was for

throwing the Baron into the sea; Cacambo decided that it would be better

to deliver him up again to the captain of the galley, after which they

thought to send him back to the General Father of the Order at Rome by

the first ship. This advice was well received, the old woman approved

it; they said not a word to his sister; the thing was executed for a

little money, and they had the double pleasure of entrapping a Jesuit,

and punishing the pride of a German baron.

It is natural to imagine that after so many disasters Candide married,

and living with the philosopher Pangloss, the philosopher Martin, the

prudent Cacambo, and the old woman, having besides brought so many

diamonds from the country of the ancient Incas, must have led a very

happy life. But he was so much imposed upon by the Jews that he had

nothing left except his small farm; his wife became uglier every day,

more peevish and unsupportable; the old woman was infirm and even more

fretful than Cunegonde. Cacambo, who worked in the garden, and took

vegetables for sale to Constantinople, was fatigued with hard work, and

cursed his destiny. Pangloss was in despair at not shining in some

German university. For Martin, he was firmly persuaded that he would be

as badly off elsewhere, and therefore bore things patiently. Candide,

Martin, and Pangloss sometimes disputed about morals and metaphysics.

They often saw passing under the windows of their farm boats full of

Effendis, Pashas, and Cadis, who were going into banishment to Lemnos,

Mitylene, or Erzeroum. And they saw other Cadis, Pashas, and Effendis

coming to supply the place of the exiles, and afterwards exiled in their

turn. They saw heads decently impaled for presentation to the Sublime

Porte. Such spectacles as these increased the number of their

dissertations; and when they did not dispute time hung so heavily upon

their hands, that one day the old woman ventured to say to them:

"I want to know which is worse, to be ravished a hundred times by negro

pirates, to have a buttock cut off, to run the gauntlet among the

Bulgarians, to be whipped and hanged at an _auto-da-fe_, to be

dissected, to row in the galleys--in short, to go through all the

miseries we have undergone, or to stay here and have nothing to do?"

"It is a great question," said Candide.

This discourse gave rise to new reflections, and Martin especially

concluded that man was born to live either in a state of distracting

inquietude or of lethargic disgust. Candide did not quite agree to that,

but he affirmed nothing. Pangloss owned that he had always suffered

horribly, but as he had once asserted that everything went wonderfully

well, he asserted it still, though he no longer believed it.

What helped to confirm Martin in his detestable principles, to stagger

Candide more than ever, and to puzzle Pangloss, was that one day they

saw Paquette and Friar Giroflee land at the farm in extreme misery. They

had soon squandered their three thousand piastres, parted, were

reconciled, quarrelled again, were thrown into gaol, had escaped, and

Friar Giroflee had at length become Turk. Paquette continued her trade

wherever she went, but made nothing of it.

"I foresaw," said Martin to Candide, "that your presents would soon be

dissipated, and only make them the more miserable. You have rolled in

millions of money, you and Cacambo; and yet you are not happier than

Friar Giroflee and Paquette."

"Ha!" said Pangloss to Paquette, "Providence has then brought you

amongst us again, my poor child! Do you know that you cost me the tip of

my nose, an eye, and an ear, as you may see? What a world is this!"

And now this new adventure set them philosophising more than ever.

In the neighbourhood there lived a very famous Dervish who was esteemed

the best philosopher in all Turkey, and they went to consult him.

Pangloss was the speaker.

"Master," said he, "we come to beg you to tell why so strange an animal

as man was made."

"With what meddlest thou?" said the Dervish; "is it thy business?"

"But, reverend father," said Candide, "there is horrible evil in this

world."

"What signifies it," said the Dervish, "whether there be evil or good?

When his highness sends a ship to Egypt, does he trouble his head

whether the mice on board are at their ease or not?"

"What, then, must we do?" said Pangloss.

"Hold your tongue," answered the Dervish.

"I was in hopes," said Pangloss, "that I should reason with you a little

about causes and effects, about the best of possible worlds, the origin

of evil, the nature of the soul, and the pre-established harmony."

At these words, the Dervish shut the door in their faces.

During this conversation, the news was spread that two Viziers and the

Mufti had been strangled at Constantinople, and that several of their

friends had been impaled. This catastrophe made a great noise for some

hours. Pangloss, Candide, and Martin, returning to the little farm, saw

a good old man taking the fresh air at his door under an orange bower.

Pangloss, who was as inquisitive as he was argumentative, asked the old

man what was the name of the strangled Mufti.

"I do not know," answered the worthy man, "and I have not known the name

of any Mufti, nor of any Vizier. I am entirely ignorant of the event you

mention; I presume in general that they who meddle with the

administration of public affairs die sometimes miserably, and that they

deserve it; but I never trouble my head about what is transacting at

Constantinople; I content myself with sending there for sale the fruits

of the garden which I cultivate."

Having said these words, he invited the strangers into his house; his

two sons and two daughters presented them with several sorts of sherbet,

which they made themselves, with Kaimak enriched with the candied-peel

of citrons, with oranges, lemons, pine-apples, pistachio-nuts, and Mocha

coffee unadulterated with the bad coffee of Batavia or the American

islands. After which the two daughters of the honest Mussulman perfumed

the strangers' beards.

"You must have a vast and magnificent estate," said Candide to the Turk.

"I have only twenty acres," replied the old man; "I and my children

cultivate them; our labour preserves us from three great

evils--weariness, vice, and want."

Candide, on his way home, made profound reflections on the old man's

conversation.

"This honest Turk," said he to Pangloss and Martin, "seems to be in a

situation far preferable to that of the six kings with whom we had the

honour of supping."

"Grandeur," said Pangloss, "is extremely dangerous according to the

testimony of philosophers. For, in short, Eglon, King of Moab, was

assassinated by Ehud; Absalom was hung by his hair, and pierced with

three darts; King Nadab, the son of Jeroboam, was killed by Baasa; King

Ela by Zimri; Ahaziah by Jehu; Athaliah by Jehoiada; the Kings

Jehoiakim, Jeconiah, and Zedekiah, were led into captivity. You know how

perished Croesus, Astyages, Darius, Dionysius of Syracuse, Pyrrhus,

Perseus, Hannibal, Jugurtha, Ariovistus, Caesar, Pompey, Nero, Otho,

Vitellius, Domitian, Richard II. of England, Edward II., Henry VI.,

Richard III., Mary Stuart, Charles I., the three Henrys of France, the

Emperor Henry IV.! You know----"

"I know also," said Candide, "that we must cultivate our garden."

"You are right," said Pangloss, "for when man was first placed in the

Garden of Eden, he was put there _ut operaretur eum_, that he might

cultivate it; which shows that man was not born to be idle."

"Let us work," said Martin, "without disputing; it is the only way to

render life tolerable."

The whole little society entered into this laudable design, according to

their different abilities. Their little plot of land produced plentiful

crops. Cunegonde was, indeed, very ugly, but she became an excellent

pastry cook; Paquette worked at embroidery; the old woman looked after

the linen. They were all, not excepting Friar Giroflee, of some service

or other; for he made a good joiner, and became a very honest man.

Pangloss sometimes said to Candide:

"There is a concatenation of events in this best of all possible worlds:

for if you had not been kicked out of a magnificent castle for love of

Miss Cunegonde: if you had not been put into the Inquisition: if you had

not walked over America: if you had not stabbed the Baron: if you had

not lost all your sheep from the fine country of El Dorado: you would

not be here eating preserved citrons and pistachio-nuts."

"All that is very well," answered Candide, "but let us cultivate our

garden."

FOOTNOTES:

[1] P. 2. The name Pangloss is derived from two Greek words signifying

"all" and "language."

[2] P. 8. The Abares were a tribe of Tartars settled on the shores of

the Danube, who later dwelt in part of Circassia.

[3] P. 15. Venereal disease was said to have been first brought from

Hispaniola, in the West Indies, by some followers of Columbus who were

later employed in the siege of Naples. From this latter circumstance it

was at one time known as the Neapolitan disease.

[4] P. 19. The great earthquake of Lisbon happened on the first of

November, 1755.

[5] P. 20. Such was the aversion of the Japanese to the Christian faith

that they compelled Europeans trading with their islands to trample on

the cross, renounce all marks of Christianity, and swear that it was not

their religion. See chap. xi. of the voyage to Laputa in Swift's

_Gulliver's Travels_.

[6] P. 23. This _auto-da-fe_ actually took place, some months after the

earthquake, on June 20, 1756.

[7] P. 23. The rejection of bacon convicting them, of course, of being

Jews, and therefore fitting victims for an _auto-da-fe_.

[8] P. 24. The _San-benito_ was a kind of loose over-garment painted

with flames, figures of devils, the victim's own portrait, etc., worn by

persons condemned to death by the Inquisition when going to the stake on

the occasion of an _auto-da-fe_. Those who expressed repentance for

their errors wore a garment of the same kind covered with flames

directed downwards, while that worn by Jews, sorcerers, and renegades

bore a St. Andrew's cross before and behind.

[9] P. 26. "This Notre-Dame is of wood; every year she weeps on the day

of her _fete_, and the people weep also. One day the preacher, seeing a

carpenter with dry eyes, asked him how it was that he did not dissolve

in tears when the Holy Virgin wept. 'Ah, my reverend father,' replied

he, 'it is I who refastened her in her niche yesterday. I drove three

great nails through her behind; it is then she would have wept if she

had been able.'"--Voltaire, _Melanges_.

[10] P. 42. The following posthumous note of Voltaire's was first added

to M. Beuchot's edition of his works issued in 1829; "See the extreme

discretion of the author; there has not been up to the present any Pope

named Urban X.; he feared to give a bastard to a known Pope. What

circumspection! What delicacy of conscience!" The last Pope Urban was

the eighth, and he died in 1644.

[11] P. 45. Muley-Ismael was Emperor of Morocco from 1672 to 1727, and

was a notoriously cruel tyrant.

[12] P. 47. "Oh, what a misfortune to be an eunuch!"

[13] P. 48. Carlo Broschi, called Farinelli, an Italian singer, born at

Naples in 1705, without being exactly Minister, governed Spain under

Ferdinand VI.; he died in 1782. He has been made one of the chief

persons in one of the comic operas of MM. Auber and Scribe.

[14] P. 53. Jean Robeck, a Swede, who was born in 1672, will be found

mentioned in Rousseau's _Nouvelle Heloise_. He drowned himself in the

Weser at Bremen in 1729, and was the author of a Latin treatise on

voluntary death, first printed in 1735.

[15] P. 60. A spontoon was a kind of half-pike, a military weapon

carried by officers of infantry and used as a medium for signalling

orders to the regiment.

[16] P. 64. Later Voltaire substituted the name of the Father Croust for

that of Didrie. Of Croust he said in the _Dictionnaire Philosophique_

that he was "the most brutal of the Society."

[17] P. 68. By the _Journal of Trevoux_ Voltaire meant a critical

periodical printed by the Jesuits at Trevoux under the title of

_Memoires pour servir a l'Historie des Sciences et des Beaux-Arts_. It

existed from 1701 until 1767, during which period its title underwent

many changes.

[18] P. 76. It has been suggested that Voltaire, in speaking of red

sheep, referred to the llama, a South American ruminant allied to the

camel. These animals are sometimes of a reddish colour, and were notable

as pack-carriers and for their fleetness.

[19] P. 78. The first English translator curiously gives "a tourene of

bouilli that weighed two hundred pounds," as the equivalent of "_un

contour bouilli qui pesait deux cent livres_." The French editor of the

1869 reprint points out that the South American vulture, or condor, is

meant; the name of this bird, it may be added, is taken from "_cuntur_,"

that given it by the aborigines.

[20] P. 90. Spanish half-crowns.

[21] P. 99. _Socinians_; followers of the teaching of Lalius and Faustus

Socinus (16th century), which denied the doctrine of the Trinity, the

deity of Christ, the personality of the devil, the native and total

depravity of man, the vicarious atonement and eternal punishment. The

Socinians are now represented by the Unitarians. _Manicheans_; followers

of Manes or Manichaeus (3rd century), a Persian who maintained that there

are two principles, the one good and the other evil, each equally

powerful in the government of the world.

[22] P. 107. In the 1759 editions, in place of the long passage in

brackets from here to page 215, there was only the following: "'Sir,'

said the Perigordian Abbe to him, 'have you noticed that young person

who has so roguish a face and so fine a figure? You may have her for ten

thousand francs a month, and fifty thousand crowns in diamonds.' 'I have

only a day or two to give her,' answered Candide, 'because I have a

rendezvous at Venice.' In the evening after supper the insinuating

Perigordian redoubled his politeness and attentions."

[23] P. 108. The play referred to is supposed to be "Le Comte d'Essex,"

by Thomas Corneille.

[24] P. 108. In France actors were at one time looked upon as

excommunicated persons, not worthy of burial in holy ground or with

Christian rites. In 1730 the "honours of sepulture" were refused to

Mademoiselle Lecouvreur (doubtless the Miss Monime of this passage).

Voltaire's miscellaneous works contain a paper on the matter.

[25] P. 109. Elie-Catherine Freron was a French critic (1719-1776) who

incurred the enmity of Voltaire. In 1752 Freron, in _Lettres sur

quelques ecrits du temps_, wrote pointedly of Voltaire as one who chose

to be all things to all men, and Voltaire retaliated by references such

as these in _Candide_.

[26] P. 111. Gabriel Gauchat (1709-1779), French ecclesiastical writer,

was author of a number of works on religious subjects.

[27] P. 112. Nicholas Charles Joseph Trublet (1697-1770) was a French

writer whose criticism of Voltaire was revenged in passages such as this

one in _Candide_, and one in the _Pauvre Diable_ beginning:

L'abbe Trublet avait alors le rage

D'etre a Paris un petit personage.

[28] P. 120. Damiens, who attempted the life of Louis XV. in 1757, was

born at Arras, capital of Artois (Atrebatie).

[29] P. 120. On May 14, 1610, Ravaillac assassinated Henry VI.

[30] P. 120. On December 27, 1594, Jean Chatel attempted to assassinate

Henry IV.

[31] P. 122. This same curiously inept criticism of the war which cost

France her American provinces occurs in Voltaire's _Memoirs_, wherein he

says, "In 1756 England made a piratical war upon France for some acres

of snow." See also his _Precis du Siecle de Louis_ XV.

[32] P. 123. Admiral Byng was shot on March 14, 1757.

[33] P. 129. Commenting upon this passage, M. Sarcey says admirably:

"All is there! In those ten lines Voltaire has gathered all the griefs

and all the terrors of these creatures; the picture is admirable for its

truth and power! But do you not feel the pity and sympathy of the

painter? Here irony becomes sad, and in a way an avenger. Voltaire cries

out with horror against the society which throws some of its members

into such an abyss. He has his 'Bartholomew' fever; we tremble with him

through contagion."

[34] P. 142. The following particulars of the six monarchs may prove not

uninteresting. Achmet III. (_b._ 1673, _d._ 1739) was dethroned in 1730.

Ivan VI. (_b._ 1740, _d._ 1762) was dethroned in 1741. Charles Edward

Stuart, the Pretender (_b._ 1720, _d._ 1788). Auguste III. (_b._ 1696,

_d._ 1763). Stanislaus (_b._ 1682, _d._ 1766). Theodore (_b._ 1690, _d._

1755). It will be observed that, although quite impossible for the six

kings ever to have met, five of them might have been made to do so

without any anachronism.

[35] P. 149. Francois Leopold Ragotsky (1676-1735).

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| Page 158: Liebnitz amended to Leibnitz. |

| Page 168: perserved amended to preserved. |

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| Where there is an equal number of instances of a word |

| being hyphenated and unhyphenated, both versions |

| of the word have been retained: dung-hill/dunghill; |

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| A single footnote on page 90 has been moved |

| to the endnotes, and the notes numbers re-indexed. A |

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| Modern Library blurb: "mail complete list of titles" left |

| as is. |

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| There are two instances of Massa Carara (pp. 43 and 45) |

| and one instance of Massa-Carrara (page ix). As this |

| latter is in the Introduction, i.e. distinct from the book |

| proper, it has been retained. |

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| The different spellings of Cunegonde (which occurs only |

| in the Introduction) and Robeck (which occurs in the |

| Notes [p. 170]; spelt Robek in the text [p. 53]) have |

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