Bab Bab 97 · CHAPTER XLV. OF HOW THE GREAT SANCHO PANZA TOOK POSSESSION OF HIS ISLAND, AND OF HOW

. CHAPTER XLV. OF HOW THE GREAT SANCHO PANZA TOOK POSSESSION OF HIS ISLAND, AND OF HOW

CHAPTER XLV.

OF HOW THE GREAT SANCHO PANZA TOOK POSSESSION OF HIS ISLAND, AND OF HOW

HE MADE A BEGINNING IN GOVERNING

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O perpetual discoverer of the antipodes, torch of the world, eye of

heaven, sweet stimulator of the water-coolers! Thimbraeus here, Phœbus

there, now archer, now physician, father of poetry, inventor of music;

thou that always risest and, notwithstanding appearances, never

settest! To thee, O Sun, by whose aid man begetteth man, to thee I

appeal to help me and lighten the darkness of my wit that I may be able

to proceed with scrupulous exactitude in giving an account of the great

Sancho Panza’s government; for without thee I feel myself weak, feeble,

and uncertain.

To come to the point, then—Sancho with all his attendants arrived at a

village of some thousand inhabitants, and one of the largest the duke

possessed. They informed him that it was called the island of

Barataria, either because the name of the village was Baratario, or

because of the joke by way of which the government had been conferred

upon him. On reaching the gates of the town, which was a walled one,

the municipality came forth to meet him, the bells rang out a peal, and

the inhabitants showed every sign of general satisfaction; and with

great pomp they conducted him to the principal church to give thanks to

God, and then with burlesque ceremonies they presented him with the

keys of the town, and acknowledged him as perpetual governor of the

island of Barataria. The costume, the beard, and the fat squat figure

of the new governor astonished all those who were not in on the secret,

and even all who were, and they were not a few. Finally, leading him

out of the church they carried him to the judgment seat and seated him

on it, and the duke’s majordomo said to him, “It is an ancient custom

in this island, señor governor, that he who comes to take possession of

this famous island is bound to answer a question which shall be put to

him, and which must be a somewhat knotty and difficult one; and by his

answer the people take the measure of their new governor’s wit, and

hail with joy or deplore his arrival accordingly.”

While the majordomo was making this speech Sancho was gazing at several

large letters inscribed on the wall opposite his seat, and as he could

not read he asked what that was that was painted on the wall. The

answer was, “Señor, there is written and recorded the day on which your

lordship took possession of this island, and the inscription says,

‘This day, the so-and-so of such-and-such a month and year, Señor Don

Sancho Panza took possession of this island; many years may he enjoy

it.’”

“And whom do they call Don Sancho Panza?” asked Sancho.

“Your lordship,” replied the majordomo; “for no other Panza but the one

who is now seated in that chair has ever entered this island.”

“Well then, let me tell you, brother,” said Sancho, “I haven’t got the

‘Don,’ nor has anyone of my family ever had it; my name is plain Sancho

Panza, and Sancho was my father’s name, and Sancho was my grandfather’s

and they were all Panzas, without any Dons or Doñas tacked on; I

suspect that in this island there are more Dons than stones; but never

mind; God knows what I mean, and maybe if my government lasts four days

I’ll weed out these Dons that no doubt are as great a nuisance as the

midges, they’re so plenty. Let the majordomo go on with his question,

and I’ll give the best answer I can, whether the people deplore or

not.”

At this instant there came into court two old men, one carrying a cane

by way of a walking-stick, and the one who had no stick said, “Señor,

some time ago I lent this good man ten gold-crowns in gold to gratify

him and do him a service, on the condition that he was to return them

to me whenever I should ask for them. A long time passed before I asked

for them, for I would not put him to any greater straits to return them

than he was in when I lent them to him; but thinking he was growing

careless about payment I asked for them once and several times; and not

only will he not give them back, but he denies that he owes them, and

says I never lent him any such crowns; or if I did, that he repaid

them; and I have no witnesses either of the loan, or the payment, for

he never paid me; I want your worship to put him to his oath, and if he

swears he returned them to me I forgive him the debt here and before

God.”

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“What say you to this, good old man, you with the stick?” said Sancho.

To which the old man replied, “I admit, señor, that he lent them to me;

but let your worship lower your staff, and as he leaves it to my oath,

I’ll swear that I gave them back, and paid him really and truly.”

The governor lowered the staff, and as he did so the old man who had

the stick handed it to the other old man to hold for him while he

swore, as if he found it in his way; and then laid his hand on the

cross of the staff, saying that it was true the ten crowns that were

demanded of him had been lent him; but that he had with his own hand

given them back into the hand of the other, and that he, not

recollecting it, was always asking for them.

Seeing this the great governor asked the creditor what answer he had to

make to what his opponent said. He said that no doubt his debtor had

told the truth, for he believed him to be an honest man and a good

Christian, and he himself must have forgotten when and how he had given

him back the crowns; and that from that time forth he would make no

further demand upon him.

The debtor took his stick again, and bowing his head left the court.

Observing this, and how, without another word, he made off, and

observing too the resignation of the plaintiff, Sancho buried his head

in his bosom and remained for a short space in deep thought, with the

forefinger of his right hand on his brow and nose; then he raised his

head and bade them call back the old man with the stick, for he had

already taken his departure. They brought him back, and as soon as

Sancho saw him he said, “Honest man, give me that stick, for I want

it.”

“Willingly,” said the old man; “here it is señor,” and he put it into

his hand.

Sancho took it and, handing it to the other old man, said to him, “Go,

and God be with you; for now you are paid.”

“I, señor!” returned the old man; “why, is this cane worth ten

gold-crowns?”

“Yes,” said the governor, “or if not I am the greatest dolt in the

world; now you will see whether I have got the headpiece to govern a

whole kingdom;” and he ordered the cane to be broken in two, there, in

the presence of all. It was done, and in the middle of it they found

ten gold-crowns. All were filled with amazement, and looked upon their

governor as another Solomon. They asked him how he had come to the

conclusion that the ten crowns were in the cane; he replied, that

observing how the old man who swore gave the stick to his opponent

while he was taking the oath, and swore that he had really and truly

given him the crowns, and how as soon as he had done swearing he asked

for the stick again, it came into his head that the sum demanded must

be inside it; and from this he said it might be seen that God sometimes

guides those who govern in their judgments, even though they may be

fools; besides he had himself heard the curate of his village mention

just such another case, and he had so good a memory, that if it was not

that he forgot everything he wished to remember, there would not be

such a memory in all the island. To conclude, the old men went off, one

crestfallen, and the other in high contentment, all who were present

were astonished, and he who was recording the words, deeds, and

movements of Sancho could not make up his mind whether he was to look

upon him and set him down as a fool or as a man of sense.

As soon as this case was disposed of, there came into court a woman

holding on with a tight grip to a man dressed like a well-to-do cattle

dealer, and she came forward making a great outcry and exclaiming,

“Justice, señor governor, justice! and if I don’t get it on earth I’ll

go look for it in heaven. Señor governor of my soul, this wicked man

caught me in the middle of the fields here and used my body as if it

was an ill-washed rag, and, woe is me! got from me what I had kept

these three-and-twenty years and more, defending it against Moors and

Christians, natives and strangers; and I always as hard as an oak, and

keeping myself as pure as a salamander in the fire, or wool among the

brambles, for this good fellow to come now with clean hands to handle

me!”

“It remains to be proved whether this gallant has clean hands or not,”

said Sancho; and turning to the man he asked him what he had to say in

answer to the woman’s charge.

He all in confusion made answer, “Sirs, I am a poor pig dealer, and

this morning I left the village to sell (saving your presence) four

pigs, and between dues and cribbings they got out of me little less

than the worth of them. As I was returning to my village I fell in on

the road with this good dame, and the devil who makes a coil and a mess

out of everything, yoked us together. I paid her fairly, but she not

contented laid hold of me and never let go until she brought me here;

she says I forced her, but she lies by the oath I swear or am ready to

swear; and this is the whole truth and every particle of it.”

The governor on this asked him if he had any money in silver about him;

he said he had about twenty ducats in a leather purse in his bosom. The

governor bade him take it out and hand it to the complainant; he obeyed

trembling; the woman took it, and making a thousand salaams to all and

praying to God for the long life and health of the señor governor who

had such regard for distressed orphans and virgins, she hurried out of

court with the purse grasped in both her hands, first looking, however,

to see if the money it contained was silver.

As soon as she was gone Sancho said to the cattle dealer, whose tears

were already starting and whose eyes and heart were following his

purse, “Good fellow, go after that woman and take the purse from her,

by force even, and come back with it here;” and he did not say it to

one who was a fool or deaf, for the man was off like a flash of

lightning, and ran to do as he was bid.

All the bystanders waited anxiously to see the end of the case, and

presently both man and woman came back at even closer grips than

before, she with her petticoat up and the purse in the lap of it, and

he struggling hard to take it from her, but all to no purpose, so stout

was the woman’s defence, she all the while crying out, “Justice from

God and the world! see here, señor governor, the shamelessness and

boldness of this villain, who in the middle of the town, in the middle

of the street, wanted to take from me the purse your worship bade him

give me.”

“And did he take it?” asked the governor.

“Take it!” said the woman; “I’d let my life be taken from me sooner

than the purse. A pretty child I’d be! It’s another sort of cat they

must throw in my face, and not that poor scurvy knave. Pincers and

hammers, mallets and chisels would not get it out of my grip; no, nor

lions’ claws; the soul from out of my body first!”

“She is right,” said the man; “I own myself beaten and powerless; I

confess I haven’t the strength to take it from her;” and he let go his

hold of her.

Upon this the governor said to the woman, “Let me see that purse, my

worthy and sturdy friend.” She handed it to him at once, and the

governor returned it to the man, and said to the unforced mistress of

force, “Sister, if you had shown as much, or only half as much, spirit

and vigour in defending your body as you have shown in defending that

purse, the strength of Hercules could not have forced you. Be off, and

God speed you, and bad luck to you, and don’t show your face in all

this island, or within six leagues of it on any side, under pain of two

hundred lashes; be off at once, I say, you shameless, cheating shrew.”

The woman was cowed and went off disconsolately, hanging her head; and

the governor said to the man, “Honest man, go home with your money, and

God speed you; and for the future, if you don’t want to lose it, see

that you don’t take it into your head to yoke with anybody.” The man

thanked him as clumsily as he could and went his way, and the

bystanders were again filled with admiration at their new governor’s

judgments and sentences.

Next, two men, one apparently a farm labourer, and the other a tailor,

for he had a pair of shears in his hand, presented themselves before

him, and the tailor said, “Señor governor, this labourer and I come

before your worship by reason of this honest man coming to my shop

yesterday (for saving everybody’s presence I’m a passed tailor, God be

thanked), and putting a piece of cloth into my hands and asking me,

‘Señor, will there be enough in this cloth to make me a cap?’ Measuring

the cloth I said there would. He probably suspected—as I supposed, and

I supposed right—that I wanted to steal some of the cloth, led to think

so by his own roguery and the bad opinion people have of tailors; and

he told me to see if there would be enough for two. I guessed what he

would be at, and I said ‘yes.’ He, still following up his original

unworthy notion, went on adding cap after cap, and I ‘yes’ after ‘yes,’

until we got as far as five. He has just this moment come for them; I

gave them to him, but he won’t pay me for the making; on the contrary,

he calls upon me to pay him, or else return his cloth.”

“Is all this true, brother?” said Sancho.

“Yes,” replied the man; “but will your worship make him show the five

caps he has made me?”

“With all my heart,” said the tailor; and drawing his hand from under

his cloak he showed five caps stuck upon the five fingers of it, and

said, “there are the caps this good man asks for; and by God and upon

my conscience I haven’t a scrap of cloth left, and I’ll let the work be

examined by the inspectors of the trade.”

All present laughed at the number of caps and the novelty of the suit;

Sancho set himself to think for a moment, and then said, “It seems to

me that in this case it is not necessary to deliver long-winded

arguments, but only to give off-hand the judgment of an honest man; and

so my decision is that the tailor lose the making and the labourer the

cloth, and that the caps go to the prisoners in the gaol, and let there

be no more about it.”

If the previous decision about the cattle dealer’s purse excited the

admiration of the bystanders, this provoked their laughter; however,

the governor’s orders were after all executed. All this, having been

taken down by his chronicler, was at once despatched to the duke, who

was looking out for it with great eagerness; and here let us leave the

good Sancho; for his master, sorely troubled in mind by Altisidora’s

music, has pressing claims upon us now.

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