Bab Bab 45 · How the Monk carried along w

Chapter 1.XLV.

How the Monk carried along with him the Pilgrims, and of the good words

that Grangousier gave them.

This skirmish being ended, Gargantua retreated with his men, excepting the

monk, and about the dawning of the day they came unto Grangousier, who in

his bed was praying unto God for their safety and victory. And seeing them

all safe and sound, he embraced them lovingly, and asked what was become of

the monk. Gargantua answered him that without doubt the enemies had the

monk. Then have they mischief and ill luck, said Grangousier; which was

very true. Therefore is it a common proverb to this day, to give a man the

monk, or, as in French, lui bailler le moine, when they would express the

doing unto one a mischief. Then commanded he a good breakfast to be

provided for their refreshment. When all was ready, they called Gargantua,

but he was so aggrieved that the monk was not to be heard of that he would

neither eat nor drink. In the meanwhile the monk comes, and from the gate

of the outer court cries out aloud, Fresh wine, fresh wine, Gymnast my

friend! Gymnast went out and saw that it was Friar John, who brought along

with him five pilgrims and Touchfaucet prisoners; whereupon Gargantua

likewise went forth to meet him, and all of them made him the best welcome

that possibly they could, and brought him before Grangousier, who asked him

of all his adventures. The monk told him all, both how he was taken, how

he rid himself of his keepers, of the slaughter he had made by the way, and

how he had rescued the pilgrims and brought along with him Captain

Touchfaucet. Then did they altogether fall to banqueting most merrily. In

the meantime Grangousier asked the pilgrims what countrymen they were,

whence they came, and whither they went. Sweer-to-go in the name of the

rest answered, My sovereign lord, I am of Saint Genou in Berry, this man is

of Palvau, this other is of Onzay, this of Argy, this of St. Nazarand, and

this man of Villebrenin. We come from Saint Sebastian near Nantes, and are

now returning, as we best may, by easy journeys. Yea, but, said

Grangousier, what went you to do at Saint Sebastian? We went, said

Sweer-to-go, to offer up unto that sanct our vows against the plague. Ah,

poor men! said Grangousier, do you think that the plague comes from Saint

Sebastian? Yes, truly, answered Sweer-to-go, our preachers tell us so

indeed. But is it so, said Grangousier, do the false prophets teach you

such abuses? Do they thus blaspheme the sancts and holy men of God, as to

make them like unto the devils, who do nothing but hurt unto mankind,--as

Homer writeth, that the plague was sent into the camp of the Greeks by

Apollo, and as the poets feign a great rabble of Vejoves and mischievous

gods. So did a certain cafard or dissembling religionary preach at Sinay,

that Saint Anthony sent the fire into men’s legs, that Saint Eutropius made

men hydropic, Saint Clidas, fools, and that Saint Genou made them goutish.

But I punished him so exemplarily, though he called me heretic for it, that

since that time no such hypocritical rogue durst set his foot within my

territories. And truly I wonder that your king should suffer them in their

sermons to publish such scandalous doctrine in his dominions; for they

deserve to be chastised with greater severity than those who, by magical

art, or any other device, have brought the pestilence into a country. The

pest killeth but the bodies, but such abominable imposters empoison our

very souls. As he spake these words, in came the monk very resolute, and

asked them, Whence are you, you poor wretches? Of Saint Genou, said they.

And how, said the monk, does the Abbot Gulligut, the good drinker,--and the

monks, what cheer make they? By G-- body, they’ll have a fling at your

wives, and breast them to some purpose, whilst you are upon your roaming

rant and gadding pilgrimage. Hin, hen, said Sweer-to-go, I am not afraid

of mine, for he that shall see her by day will never break his neck to come

to her in the night-time. Yea, marry, said the monk, now you have hit it.

Let her be as ugly as ever was Proserpina, she will once, by the Lord G--,

be overturned, and get her skin-coat shaken, if there dwell any monks near

to her; for a good carpenter will make use of any kind of timber. Let me

be peppered with the pox, if you find not all your wives with child at your

return; for the very shadow of the steeple of an abbey is fruitful. It is,

said Gargantua, like the water of Nilus in Egypt, if you believe Strabo and

Pliny, Lib. 7, cap. 3. What virtue will there be then, said the monk, in

their bullets of concupiscence, their habits and their bodies?

Then, said Grangousier, go your ways, poor men, in the name of God the

Creator, to whom I pray to guide you perpetually, and henceforward be not

so ready to undertake these idle and unprofitable journeys. Look to your

families, labour every man in his vocation, instruct your children, and

live as the good apostle St. Paul directeth you; in doing whereof, God, his

angels and sancts, will guard and protect you, and no evil or plague at any

time shall befall you. Then Gargantua led them into the hall to take their

refection; but the pilgrims did nothing but sigh, and said to Gargantua, O

how happy is that land which hath such a man for their lord! We have been

more edified and instructed by the talk which he had with us, than by all

the sermons that ever were preached in our town. This is, said Gargantua,

that which Plato saith, Lib. 5 de Republ., that those commonwealths are

happy, whose rulers philosophate, and whose philosophers rule. Then caused

he their wallets to be filled with victuals and their bottles with wine,

and gave unto each of them a horse to ease them upon the way, together with

some pence to live by.