Bab Bab 24 · BOOK II CHAPTER XIV

On the flats around the Whitehorse Rapids was a great largess of wild

flowers. The shooting stars gladdened the glade with gold; the bluebells

brimmed the woodland hollow with amethyst; the fire-weed splashed the

hills with the pink of coral. Daintily swinging, like clustered pearls,

were the petals of the orchid. In glorious profusion were begonias,

violets, and Iceland poppies, and all was in a setting of the keenest

emerald. But over the others dominated the wild rose, dancing everywhere

and flinging its perfume to the joyful breeze.

Boats and scows were lined up for miles along the river shore. On the

banks water-soaked outfits lay drying in the sun. We, too, had shipped

much water in our passage, and a few days would be needed to dry out

again. So it was that I found some hours of idleness and was able to see

a good deal of Berna.

Madam Winklestein I found surprisingly gracious. She smiled on me, and

in her teeth, like white quartz, the creviced gold gleamed. She had a

smooth, flattering way with her that disarmed enmity. Winklestein, too,

had conveniently forgotten our last interview, and extended to me the

paw of spurious friendship. I was free to see Berna as much as I chose.

Thus it came about that we rambled among the woods and hills, picking

wild flowers and glad almost with the joy of children. In these few days

I noted a vast change in the girl. Her cheeks, pale as the petals of the

wild orchid, seemed to steal the tints of the briar-rose, and her eyes

beaconed with the radiance of sun-waked skies. It was as if in the poor

child a long stifled capacity for joy was glowing into being.

One golden day, with her cheeks softly flushed, her eyes shining, she

turned to me.

"Oh, I could be so happy if I only had a chance, if I only had the

chance other girls have. It would take so little to make me the happiest

girl in the world--just to have a home, a plain, simple home where all

was sunshine and peace; just to have the commonest comforts, to be

care-free, to love and be loved. That would be enough." She sighed and

went on:

"Then if I might have books, a little music, flowers--oh, it seems like

a dream of heaven; as well might I sigh for a palace."

"No palace could be too fair for you, Berna, no prince too noble. Some

day, your prince will come, and you will give him that great love I told

you of once."

Swiftly a shadow came into the bright eyes, the sweet mouth curved

pathetically.

"Not even a beggar will seek me, a poor nameless girl travelling in the

train of dishonour ... and again, I will never love."

"Yes, you will indeed, girl--infinitely, supremely. I know you, Berna;

you'll love as few women do. Your dearest will be all your world, his

smile your heaven, his frown your death. Love was at the fashioning of

you, dear, and kissed your lips and sent you forth, saying, 'There goeth

my handmaiden.'"

I thought for a while ere I went on.

"You cared for your grandfather; you gave him your whole heart, a love

full of self-sacrifice, of renunciation. Now he is gone, you will love

again, but the next will be to the last as wine is to water. And the day

will come when you will love grandly. Yours will be a great, consuming

passion that knows no limit, no assuagement. It will be your glory and

your shame. For him will your friends be foes, your light darkness. You

will go through fire and water for your beloved's sake; your parched

lips will call his name, your frail hands cling to him in the shadow of

death. Oh, I know, I know. Love has set you apart. You will immolate

yourself on his altars. You will dare, defy and die for him. I'm sorry

for you, Berna."

Her face hung down, her lips quivered. As for me, I was surprised at my

words and scarce knew what I was saying.

At last she spoke.

"If ever I loved like that, the man I loved must be a king among men, a

hero, almost a god."

"Perhaps, Berna, perhaps; but not needfully. He may be a grim man with a

face of power and passion, a virile, dominant brute, but--well, I think

he will be more of a god. Let's change the subject."

I found she had all the sad sophistication of the lowly-born, yet with

it an invincible sense of purity, a delicate horror of the physical

phases of love. She was a finely motived creature with impossible

ideals, but out of her stark knowledge of life she was naively

outspoken.

Once I asked of her:

"Berna, if you had to choose between death and dishonour, which would

you prefer?"

"Death, of course," she answered promptly.

"Death's a pretty hard proposition," I commented.

"No, it's easy; physical death, compared with the other, compared with

moral death."

She was very emphatic and angry with me for my hazarded demur. In an

atmosphere of disillusionment and moral miasma she clung undauntedly to

her ideals. Never was such a brave spirit, so determined in goodness, so

upright in purity, and I blessed her for her unfaltering words. "May

such sentiments as yours," I prayed, "be ever mine. In doubt, despair,

defeat, oh Life, take not away from me my faith in the pure heart of

woman!"

Often I watched her thoughtfully, her slim, well-poised figure, her grey

eyes that were fuller of soul than any eyes I have ever seen, her brown

hair wherein the sunshine loved to pick out threads of gold, her

delicate features with their fine patrician quality. We were dreamers

twain, but while my outlook was gay with hope, hers was dark with

despair. Since the episode of the scow I had never ventured to kiss her,

but had treated her with a curious reserve, respect and courtesy.

Indeed, I was diagnosing my case, wondering if I loved her, affirming,

doubting on a very see-saw of indetermination. When with her I felt for

her an intense fondness and at times an almost irresponsible tenderness.

My eyes rested longingly on her, noting with tremulous joy the curves

and shading of her face, and finding in its very defects, beauties.

When I was away from her--oh, the easeless longing that was almost pain,

the fanciful elaboration of our last talk, the hint of her graces in

bird and flower and tree! I wanted her wildly, and the thought of a

world empty of her was monstrous. I wondered how in the past we had both

existed and how I had lived, carelessly, happy and serenely indifferent.

I tried to think of a time when she should no longer have power to make

my heart quicken with joy or contract with fear--and the thought of such

a state was insufferable pain. Was I in love? Poor, fatuous fool! I

wanted her more than everything else in all the world, yet I hesitated

and asked myself the question.

Hundreds of boats and scows were running the rapids, and we watched them

with an untiring fascination. That was the most exciting spectacle in

the whole world. The issue was life or death, ruin or salvation, and

from dawn till dark, and with every few minutes of the day, was the

breathless climax repeated. The faces of the actors were sick with

dread and anxiety. It was curious to study the various expressions of

the human countenance unmasked and confronted with gibbering fear. Yes,

it was a vivid drama, a drama of cheers and tears, always thrilling and

often tragic. Every day were bodies dragged ashore. The rapids demanded

their tribute. The men of the trail must pay the toll. Sullen and

bloated the river disgorged its prey, and the dead, without prayer or

pause, were thrown into nameless graves.

On our first day at the rapids we met the Halfbreed. He was on the point

of starting downstream. Where was the Bank clerk? Oh, yes; they had

upset coming through; when last he had seen little Pinklove he was

struggling in the water. However, they expected to get the body every

hour. He had paid two men to find and bury it. He had no time to wait.

We did not blame him. In those wild days of headstrong hurry and

gold-delirium human life meant little. "Another floater," one would say,

and carelessly turn away. A callousness to death that was almost

mediaeval was in the air, and the friends of the dead hurried on, the

richer by a partner's outfit. It was all new, strange, sinister to me,

this unveiling of life's naked selfishness and lust.

Next morning they found the body, a poor, shapeless, sodden thing with

such a crumpled skull. My thoughts went back to the sweet-faced girl who

had wept so bitterly at his going. Even then, maybe, she was thinking

of him, fondly dreaming of his return, seeing the glow of triumph in his

boyish eyes. She would wait and hope; then she would wait and despair;

then there would be another white-faced woman saying, "He went to the

Klondike, and never came back. We don't know what became of him."

Verily, the way of the gold-trail was cruel.

Berna was with me when they buried him.

"Poor boy, poor boy!" she repeated.

"Yes, poor little beggar! He was so quiet and gentle. He was no man for

the trail. It's a funny world."

The coffin was a box of unplaned boards loosely nailed together, and the

men were for putting him into a grave on top of another coffin. I

protested, so sullenly they proceeded to dig a new grave. Berna looked

very unhappy, and when she saw that crude, shapeless pine coffin she

broke down and cried bitterly.

At last she dried her tears and with a happier look in her eyes bade me

wait a little until she returned. Soon again she came back, carrying

some folds of black sateen over her arm. As she ripped at this with a

pair of scissors, I noticed there was a deep frilling to it. Also a

bright blush came into her cheek at the curious glance I gave to the

somewhat skimpy lines of her skirt. But the next instant she was busy

stretching and tacking the black material over the coffin.

The men had completed the new grave. It was only three feet deep, but

the water coming in had prevented them from digging further. As we laid

the coffin in the hole it looked quite decent now in its black covering.

It floated on the water, but after some clods had been thrown down, it

sank with many gurglings. It was as if the dead man protested against

his bitter burial. We watched the grave-diggers throw a few more

shovelsful of earth over the place, then go off whistling. Poor little

Berna! she cried steadily. At last she said:

"Let's get some flowers."

So out of briar-roses she fashioned a cross and a wreath, and we laid

them reverently on the muddy heap that marked the Bank clerk's grave.

Oh, the pitiful mockery of it!