บทที่ บทที่ 108 · CHAPTER LVI. OF THE PRODIGIOUS AND UNPARALLELED BATTLE THAT TOOK PLACE BETWEEN DON

. CHAPTER LVI. OF THE PRODIGIOUS AND UNPARALLELED BATTLE THAT TOOK PLACE BETWEEN DON

CHAPTER LVI.

OF THE PRODIGIOUS AND UNPARALLELED BATTLE THAT TOOK PLACE BETWEEN DON

QUIXOTE OF LA MANCHA AND THE LACQUEY TOSILOS IN DEFENCE OF THE DAUGHTER

OF DOÑA RODRIGUEZ

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The duke and duchess had no reason to regret the joke that had been

played upon Sancho Panza in giving him the government; especially as

their majordomo returned the same day, and gave them a minute account

of almost every word and deed that Sancho uttered or did during the

time; and to wind up with, eloquently described to them the attack upon

the island and Sancho’s fright and departure, with which they were not

a little amused. After this the history goes on to say that the day

fixed for the battle arrived, and that the duke, after having

repeatedly instructed his lacquey Tosilos how to deal with Don Quixote

so as to vanquish him without killing or wounding him, gave orders to

have the heads removed from the lances, telling Don Quixote that

Christian charity, on which he plumed himself, could not suffer the

battle to be fought with so much risk and danger to life; and that he

must be content with the offer of a battlefield on his territory

(though that was against the decree of the holy Council, which

prohibits all challenges of the sort) and not push such an arduous

venture to its extreme limits. Don Quixote bade his excellence arrange

all matters connected with the affair as he pleased, as on his part he

would obey him in everything. The dread day, then, having arrived, and

the duke having ordered a spacious stand to be erected facing the court

of the castle for the judges of the field and the appellant duennas,

mother and daughter, vast crowds flocked from all the villages and

hamlets of the neighbourhood to see the novel spectacle of the battle;

nobody, dead or alive, in those parts having ever seen or heard of such

a one.

The first person to enter the field and the lists was the master of the

ceremonies, who surveyed and paced the whole ground to see that there

was nothing unfair and nothing concealed to make the combatants stumble

or fall; then the duennas entered and seated themselves, enveloped in

mantles covering their eyes, nay even their bosoms, and displaying no

slight emotion as Don Quixote appeared in the lists. Shortly

afterwards, accompanied by several trumpets and mounted on a powerful

steed that threatened to crush the whole place, the great lacquey

Tosilos made his appearance on one side of the courtyard with his visor

down and stiffly cased in a suit of stout shining armour. The horse was

a manifest Frieslander, broad-backed and flea-bitten, and with half a

hundred of wool hanging to each of his fetlocks. The gallant combatant

came well primed by his master the duke as to how he was to bear

himself against the valiant Don Quixote of La Mancha; being warned that

he must on no account slay him, but strive to shirk the first encounter

so as to avoid the risk of killing him, as he was sure to do if he met

him full tilt. He crossed the courtyard at a walk, and coming to where

the duennas were placed stopped to look at her who demanded him for a

husband; the marshal of the field summoned Don Quixote, who had already

presented himself in the courtyard, and standing by the side of Tosilos

he addressed the duennas, and asked them if they consented that Don

Quixote of La Mancha should do battle for their right. They said they

did, and that whatever he should do in that behalf they declared

rightly done, final and valid. By this time the duke and duchess had

taken their places in a gallery commanding the enclosure, which was

filled to overflowing with a multitude of people eager to see this

perilous and unparalleled encounter. The conditions of the combat were

that if Don Quixote proved the victor his antagonist was to marry the

daughter of Doña Rodriguez; but if he should be vanquished his opponent

was released from the promise that was claimed against him and from all

obligations to give satisfaction. The master of the ceremonies

apportioned the sun to them, and stationed them, each on the spot where

he was to stand. The drums beat, the sound of the trumpets filled the

air, the earth trembled under foot, the hearts of the gazing crowd were

full of anxiety, some hoping for a happy issue, some apprehensive of an

untoward ending to the affair, and lastly, Don Quixote, commending

himself with all his heart to God our Lord and to the lady Dulcinea del

Toboso, stood waiting for them to give the necessary signal for the

onset. Our lacquey, however, was thinking of something very different;

he only thought of what I am now going to mention.

It seems that as he stood contemplating his enemy she struck him as the

most beautiful woman he had ever seen all his life; and the little

blind boy whom in our streets they commonly call Love had no mind to

let slip the chance of triumphing over a lacquey heart, and adding it

to the list of his trophies; and so, stealing gently upon him unseen,

he drove a dart two yards long into the poor lacquey’s left side and

pierced his heart through and through; which he was able to do quite at

his ease, for Love is invisible, and comes in and goes out as he likes,

without anyone calling him to account for what he does. Well then, when

they gave the signal for the onset our lacquey was in an ecstasy,

musing upon the beauty of her whom he had already made mistress of his

liberty, and so he paid no attention to the sound of the trumpet,

unlike Don Quixote, who was off the instant he heard it, and, at the

highest speed Rocinante was capable of, set out to meet his enemy, his

good squire Sancho shouting lustily as he saw him start, “God guide

thee, cream and flower of knights-errant! God give thee the victory,

for thou hast the right on thy side!” But though Tosilos saw Don

Quixote coming at him he never stirred a step from the spot where he

was posted; and instead of doing so called loudly to the marshal of the

field, to whom when he came up to see what he wanted he said, “Señor,

is not this battle to decide whether I marry or do not marry that

lady?” “Just so,” was the answer. “Well then,” said the lacquey, “I

feel qualms of conscience, and I should lay a heavy burden upon it if I

were to proceed any further with the combat; I therefore declare that I

yield myself vanquished, and that I am willing to marry the lady at

once.”

The marshal of the field was lost in astonishment at the words of

Tosilos; and as he was one of those who were privy to the arrangement

of the affair he knew not what to say in reply. Don Quixote pulled up

in mid career when he saw that his enemy was not coming on to the

attack. The duke could not make out the reason why the battle did not

go on; but the marshal of the field hastened to him to let him know

what Tosilos said, and he was amazed and extremely angry at it. In the

meantime Tosilos advanced to where Doña Rodriguez sat and said in a

loud voice, “Señora, I am willing to marry your daughter, and I have no

wish to obtain by strife and fighting what I can obtain in peace and

without any risk to my life.”

The valiant Don Quixote heard him, and said, “As that is the case I am

released and absolved from my promise; let them marry by all means, and

as ‘God our Lord has given her, may Saint Peter add his blessing.’”

The duke had now descended to the courtyard of the castle, and going up

to Tosilos he said to him, “Is it true, sir knight, that you yield

yourself vanquished, and that moved by scruples of conscience you wish

to marry this damsel?”

“It is, señor,” replied Tosilos.

“And he does well,” said Sancho, “for what thou hast to give to the

mouse, give to the cat, and it will save thee all trouble.”

Tosilos meanwhile was trying to unlace his helmet, and he begged them

to come to his help at once, as his power of breathing was failing him,

and he could not remain so long shut up in that confined space. They

removed it in all haste, and his lacquey features were revealed to

public gaze. At this sight Doña Rodriguez and her daughter raised a

mighty outcry, exclaiming, “This is a trick! This is a trick! They have

put Tosilos, my lord the duke’s lacquey, upon us in place of the real

husband. The justice of God and the king against such trickery, not to

say roguery!”

“Do not distress yourselves, ladies,” said Don Quixote; “for this is no

trickery or roguery; or if it is, it is not the duke who is at the

bottom of it, but those wicked enchanters who persecute me, and who,

jealous of my reaping the glory of this victory, have turned your

husband’s features into those of this person, who you say is a lacquey

of the duke’s; take my advice, and notwithstanding the malice of my

enemies marry him, for beyond a doubt he is the one you wish for a

husband.”

When the duke heard this all his anger was near vanishing in a fit of

laughter, and he said, “The things that happen to Señor Don Quixote are

so extraordinary that I am ready to believe this lacquey of mine is not

one; but let us adopt this plan and device; let us put off the marriage

for, say, a fortnight, and let us keep this person about whom we are

uncertain in close confinement, and perhaps in the course of that time

he may return to his original shape; for the spite which the enchanters

entertain against Señor Don Quixote cannot last so long, especially as

it is of so little advantage to them to practise these deceptions and

transformations.”

“Oh, señor,” said Sancho, “those scoundrels are well used to changing

whatever concerns my master from one thing into another. A knight that

he overcame some time back, called the Knight of the Mirrors, they

turned into the shape of the bachelor Samson Carrasco of our town and a

great friend of ours; and my lady Dulcinea del Toboso they have turned

into a common country wench; so I suspect this lacquey will have to

live and die a lacquey all the days of his life.”

Here the Rodriguez’s daughter exclaimed, “Let him be who he may, this

man that claims me for a wife; I am thankful to him for the same, for I

had rather be the lawful wife of a lacquey than the cheated mistress of

a gentleman; though he who played me false is nothing of the kind.”

To be brief, all the talk and all that had happened ended in Tosilos

being shut up until it was seen how his transformation turned out. All

hailed Don Quixote as victor, but the greater number were vexed and

disappointed at finding that the combatants they had been so anxiously

waiting for had not battered one another to pieces, just as the boys

are disappointed when the man they are waiting to see hanged does not

come out, because the prosecution or the court has pardoned him. The

people dispersed, the duke and Don Quixote returned to the castle, they

locked up Tosilos, Doña Rodriguez and her daughter remained perfectly

contented when they saw that any way the affair must end in marriage,

and Tosilos wanted nothing else.

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