บทที่ บทที่ 7 · Tom’s first royal dinner.

. Tom’s first royal dinner.

Somewhat after one in the afternoon, Tom resignedly underwent the ordeal

of being dressed for dinner.  He found himself as finely clothed as

before, but everything different, everything changed, from his ruff to

his stockings.  He was presently conducted with much state to a spacious

and ornate apartment, where a table was already set for one.  Its

furniture was all of massy gold, and beautified with designs which

well-nigh made it priceless, since they were the work of Benvenuto.  The

room was half-filled with noble servitors.  A chaplain said grace, and

Tom was about to fall to, for hunger had long been constitutional with

him, but was interrupted by my lord the Earl of Berkeley, who fastened a

napkin about his neck; for the great post of Diaperers to the Prince

of Wales was hereditary in this nobleman’s family.  Tom’s cupbearer was

present, and forestalled all his attempts to help himself to wine.  The

Taster to his highness the Prince of Wales was there also, prepared to

taste any suspicious dish upon requirement, and run the risk of being

poisoned.  He was only an ornamental appendage at this time, and was

seldom called upon to exercise his function; but there had been times,

not many generations past, when the office of taster had its perils,

and was not a grandeur to be desired.  Why they did not use a dog or a

plumber seems strange; but all the ways of royalty are strange.  My

Lord d’Arcy, First Groom of the Chamber, was there, to do goodness knows

what; but there he was--let that suffice.  The Lord Chief Butler was

there, and stood behind Tom’s chair, overseeing the solemnities, under

command of the Lord Great Steward and the Lord Head Cook, who stood

near.  Tom had three hundred and eighty-four servants beside these;

but they were not all in that room, of course, nor the quarter of them;

neither was Tom aware yet that they existed.

All those that were present had been well drilled within the hour to

remember that the prince was temporarily out of his head, and to be

careful to show no surprise at his vagaries.  These ‘vagaries’ were

soon on exhibition before them; but they only moved their compassion and

their sorrow, not their mirth.  It was a heavy affliction to them to see

the beloved prince so stricken.

Poor Tom ate with his fingers mainly; but no one smiled at it, or even

seemed to observe it.  He inspected his napkin curiously, and with deep

interest, for it was of a very dainty and beautiful fabric, then said

with simplicity--

“Prithee, take it away, lest in mine unheedfulness it be soiled.”

The Hereditary Diaperer took it away with reverent manner, and without

word or protest of any sort.

Tom examined the turnips and the lettuce with interest, and asked what

they were, and if they were to be eaten; for it was only recently that

men had begun to raise these things in England in place of importing

them as luxuries from Holland. {1}  His question was answered with grave

respect, and no surprise manifested.  When he had finished his dessert,

he filled his pockets with nuts; but nobody appeared to be aware of it,

or disturbed by it.  But the next moment he was himself disturbed by

it, and showed discomposure; for this was the only service he had been

permitted to do with his own hands during the meal, and he did not doubt

that he had done a most improper and unprincely thing.  At that moment

the muscles of his nose began to twitch, and the end of that organ to

lift and wrinkle.  This continued, and Tom began to evince a growing

distress.  He looked appealingly, first at one and then another of the

lords about him, and tears came into his eyes.  They sprang forward with

dismay in their faces, and begged to know his trouble.  Tom said with

genuine anguish--

“I crave your indulgence:  my nose itcheth cruelly.  What is the custom

and usage in this emergence?  Prithee, speed, for ’tis but a little time

that I can bear it.”

None smiled; but all were sore perplexed, and looked one to the other

in deep tribulation for counsel.  But behold, here was a dead wall, and

nothing in English history to tell how to get over it.  The Master of

Ceremonies was not present:  there was no one who felt safe to venture

upon this uncharted sea, or risk the attempt to solve this solemn

problem.  Alas! there was no Hereditary Scratcher.  Meantime the tears

had overflowed their banks, and begun to trickle down Tom’s cheeks.  His

twitching nose was pleading more urgently than ever for relief.  At last

nature broke down the barriers of etiquette:  Tom lifted up an inward

prayer for pardon if he was doing wrong, and brought relief to the

burdened hearts of his court by scratching his nose himself.

His meal being ended, a lord came and held before him a broad, shallow,

golden dish with fragrant rosewater in it, to cleanse his mouth and

fingers with; and my lord the Hereditary Diaperer stood by with a napkin

for his use.  Tom gazed at the dish a puzzled moment or two, then raised

it to his lips, and gravely took a draught.  Then he returned it to the

waiting lord, and said--

“Nay, it likes me not, my lord:  it hath a pretty flavour, but it

wanteth strength.”

This new eccentricity of the prince’s ruined mind made all the hearts

about him ache; but the sad sight moved none to merriment.

Tom’s next unconscious blunder was to get up and leave the table

just when the chaplain had taken his stand behind his chair, and with

uplifted hands, and closed, uplifted eyes, was in the act of beginning

the blessing.  Still nobody seemed to perceive that the prince had done

a thing unusual.

By his own request our small friend was now conducted to his private

cabinet, and left there alone to his own devices.  Hanging upon hooks in

the oaken wainscoting were the several pieces of a suit of shining steel

armour, covered all over with beautiful designs exquisitely inlaid

in gold.  This martial panoply belonged to the true prince--a recent

present from Madam Parr the Queen. Tom put on the greaves, the

gauntlets, the plumed helmet, and such other pieces as he could don

without assistance, and for a while was minded to call for help and

complete the matter, but bethought him of the nuts he had brought away

from dinner, and the joy it would be to eat them with no crowd to eye

him, and no Grand Hereditaries to pester him with undesired services;

so he restored the pretty things to their several places, and soon was

cracking nuts, and feeling almost naturally happy for the first time

since God for his sins had made him a prince.  When the nuts were all

gone, he stumbled upon some inviting books in a closet, among them one

about the etiquette of the English court.  This was a prize. He lay down

upon a sumptuous divan, and proceeded to instruct himself with honest

zeal.  Let us leave him there for the present.