บทที่ บทที่ 269 · 第269章

On reaching Moscow after her meeting with Rostóv, Princess Mary had

found her nephew there with his tutor, and a letter from Prince Andrew

giving her instructions how to get to her Aunt Malvíntseva at Vorónezh.

That feeling akin to temptation which had tormented her during her

father’s illness, since his death, and especially since her meeting with

Rostóv was smothered by arrangements for the journey, anxiety about her

brother, settling in a new house, meeting new people, and attending to

her nephew’s education. She was sad. Now, after a month passed in quiet

surroundings, she felt more and more deeply the loss of her father which

was associated in her mind with the ruin of Russia. She was agitated and

incessantly tortured by the thought of the dangers to which her brother,

the only intimate person now remaining to her, was exposed. She was

worried too about her nephew’s education for which she had always felt

herself incompetent, but in the depths of her soul she felt at peace—a

peace arising from consciousness of having stifled those personal dreams

and hopes that had been on the point of awakening within her and were

related to her meeting with Rostóv.

The day after her party the governor’s wife came to see Malvíntseva

and, after discussing her plan with the aunt, remarked that though

under present circumstances a formal betrothal was, of course, not to be

thought of, all the same the young people might be brought together and

could get to know one another. Malvíntseva expressed approval, and the

governor’s wife began to speak of Rostóv in Mary’s presence, praising

him and telling how he had blushed when Princess Mary’s name was

mentioned. But Princess Mary experienced a painful rather than a joyful

feeling—her mental tranquillity was destroyed, and desires, doubts,

self-reproach, and hopes reawoke.

During the two days that elapsed before Rostóv called, Princess Mary

continually thought of how she ought to behave to him. First she decided

not to come to the drawing room when he called to see her aunt—that it

would not be proper for her, in her deep mourning, to receive visitors;

then she thought this would be rude after what he had done for her; then

it occurred to her that her aunt and the governor’s wife had intentions

concerning herself and Rostóv—their looks and words at times seemed to

confirm this supposition—then she told herself that only she, with her

sinful nature, could think this of them: they could not forget that

situated as she was, while still wearing deep mourning, such matchmaking

would be an insult to her and to her father’s memory. Assuming that she

did go down to see him, Princess Mary imagined the words he would say

to her and what she would say to him, and these words sometimes seemed

undeservedly cold and then to mean too much. More than anything she

feared lest the confusion she felt might overwhelm her and betray her as

soon as she saw him.

But when on Sunday after church the footman announced in the drawing

room that Count Rostóv had called, the princess showed no confusion,

only a slight blush suffused her cheeks and her eyes lit up with a new

and radiant light.

“You have met him, Aunt?” said she in a calm voice, unable herself to

understand that she could be outwardly so calm and natural.

When Rostóv entered the room, the princess dropped her eyes for an

instant, as if to give the visitor time to greet her aunt, and then

just as Nicholas turned to her she raised her head and met his look with

shining eyes. With a movement full of dignity and grace she half rose

with a smile of pleasure, held out her slender, delicate hand to him,

and began to speak in a voice in which for the first time new deep

womanly notes vibrated. Mademoiselle Bourienne, who was in the drawing

room, looked at Princess Mary in bewildered surprise. Herself a

consummate coquette, she could not have maneuvered better on meeting a

man she wished to attract.

“Either black is particularly becoming to her or she really has greatly

improved without my having noticed it. And above all, what tact and

grace!” thought Mademoiselle Bourienne.

Had Princess Mary been capable of reflection at that moment, she would

have been more surprised than Mademoiselle Bourienne at the change that

had taken place in herself. From the moment she recognized that dear,

loved face, a new life force took possession of her and compelled her to

speak and act apart from her own will. From the time Rostóv entered, her

face became suddenly transformed. It was as if a light had been kindled

in a carved and painted lantern and the intricate, skillful, artistic

work on its sides, that previously seemed dark, coarse, and meaningless,

was suddenly shown up in unexpected and striking beauty. For the first

time all that pure, spiritual, inward travail through which she had

lived appeared on the surface. All her inward labor, her dissatisfaction

with herself, her sufferings, her strivings after goodness, her

meekness, love, and self-sacrifice—all this now shone in those radiant

eyes, in her delicate smile, and in every trait of her gentle face.

Rostóv saw all this as clearly as if he had known her whole life. He

felt that the being before him was quite different from, and better

than, anyone he had met before, and above all better than himself.

Their conversation was very simple and unimportant. They spoke of the

war, and like everyone else unconsciously exaggerated their sorrow

about it; they spoke of their last meeting—Nicholas trying to change the

subject—they talked of the governor’s kind wife, of Nicholas’ relations,

and of Princess Mary’s.

She did not talk about her brother, diverting the conversation as soon

as her aunt mentioned Andrew. Evidently she could speak of Russia’s

misfortunes with a certain artificiality, but her brother was too near

her heart and she neither could nor would speak lightly of him. Nicholas

noticed this, as he noticed every shade of Princess Mary’s character

with an observation unusual to him, and everything confirmed his

conviction that she was a quite unusual and extraordinary being.

Nicholas blushed and was confused when people spoke to him about the

princess (as she did when he was mentioned) and even when he thought of

her, but in her presence he felt quite at ease, and said not at all what

he had prepared, but what, quite appropriately, occurred to him at the

moment.

When a pause occurred during his short visit, Nicholas, as is usual when

there are children, turned to Prince Andrew’s little son, caressing him

and asking whether he would like to be an hussar. He took the boy on

his knee, played with him, and looked round at Princess Mary. With a

softened, happy, timid look she watched the boy she loved in the arms

of the man she loved. Nicholas also noticed that look and, as if

understanding it, flushed with pleasure and began to kiss the boy with

good natured playfulness.

As she was in mourning Princess Mary did not go out into society, and

Nicholas did not think it the proper thing to visit her again; but all

the same the governor’s wife went on with her matchmaking, passing on to

Nicholas the flattering things Princess Mary said of him and vice

versa, and insisting on his declaring himself to Princess Mary. For this

purpose she arranged a meeting between the young people at the bishop’s

house before Mass.

Though Rostóv told the governor’s wife that he would not make any

declaration to Princess Mary, he promised to go.

As at Tilsit Rostóv had not allowed himself to doubt that what everybody

considered right was right, so now, after a short but sincere struggle

between his effort to arrange his life by his own sense of justice, and

in obedient submission to circumstances, he chose the latter and yielded

to the power he felt irresistibly carrying him he knew not where. He

knew that after his promise to Sónya it would be what he deemed base to

declare his feelings to Princess Mary. And he knew that he would never

act basely. But he also knew (or rather felt at the bottom of his heart)

that by resigning himself now to the force of circumstances and to those

who were guiding him, he was not only doing nothing wrong, but was doing

something very important—more important than anything he had ever done

in his life.

After meeting Princess Mary, though the course of his life went on

externally as before, all his former amusements lost their charm for him

and he often thought about her. But he never thought about her as he

had thought of all the young ladies without exception whom he had met

in society, nor as he had for a long time, and at one time rapturously,

thought about Sónya. He had pictured each of those young ladies as

almost all honest-hearted young men do, that is, as a possible wife,

adapting her in his imagination to all the conditions of married life:

a white dressing gown, his wife at the tea table, his wife’s carriage,

little ones, Mamma and Papa, their relations to her, and so on—and these

pictures of the future had given him pleasure. But with Princess Mary,

to whom they were trying to get him engaged, he could never picture

anything of future married life. If he tried, his pictures seemed

incongruous and false. It made him afraid.