บทที่ บทที่ 47 · 第47章

My governess now began to come into the whole matter, and he opened

himself freely to her. First she said to him, in answer to what he had

said about me, “I am glad, sir, you are so just to the person that you

were with; I assure you she is a gentlewoman, and no woman of the town;

and however you prevailed with her so far as you did, I am sure ’tis

not her practice. You ran a great venture indeed, sir; but if that be

any part of your care, I am persuaded you may be perfectly easy, for I

dare assure you no man has touched her, before you, since her husband,

and he has been dead now almost eight years.”

It appeared that this was his grievance, and that he was in a very

great fright about it; however, when my governess said this to him, he

appeared very well pleased, and said, “Well, madam, to be plain with

you, if I was satisfied of that, I should not so much value what I

lost; for, as to that, the temptation was great, and perhaps she was

poor and wanted it.” “If she had not been poor, sir ——,” says my

governess, “I assure you she would never have yielded to you; and as

her poverty first prevailed with her to let you do as you did, so the

same poverty prevailed with her to pay herself at last, when she saw

you were in such a condition, that if she had not done it, perhaps the

next coachman might have done it.”

“Well,” says he, “much good may it do her. I say again, all the

gentlemen that do so ought to be used in the same manner, and then they

would be cautious of themselves. I have no more concern about it, but

on the score which you hinted at before, madam.” Here he entered into

some freedoms with her on the subject of what passed between us, which

are not so proper for a woman to write, and the great terror that was

upon his mind with relation to his wife, for fear he should have

received any injury from me, and should communicate it farther; and

asked her at last if she could not procure him an opportunity to speak

with me. My governess gave him further assurances of my being a woman

clear from any such thing, and that he was as entirely safe in that

respect as he was with his own lady; but as for seeing me, she said it

might be of dangerous consequence; but, however, that she would talk

with me, and let him know my answer, using at the same time some

arguments to persuade him not to desire it, and that it could be of no

service to him, seeing she hoped he had no desire to renew a

correspondence with me, and that on my account it was a kind of putting

my life in his hands.

He told her he had a great desire to see me, that he would give her any

assurances that were in his power, not to take any advantages of me,

and that in the first place he would give me a general release from all

demands of any kind. She insisted how it might tend to a further

divulging the secret, and might in the end be injurious to him,

entreating him not to press for it; so at length he desisted.

They had some discourse upon the subject of the things he had lost, and

he seemed to be very desirous of his gold watch, and told her if she

could procure that for him, he would willingly give as much for it as

it was worth. She told him she would endeavour to procure it for him,

and leave the valuing it to himself.

Accordingly the next day she carried the watch, and he gave her thirty

guineas for it, which was more than I should have been able to make of

it, though it seems it cost much more. He spoke something of his

periwig, which it seems cost him threescore guineas, and his snuff-box,

and in a few days more she carried them too; which obliged him very

much, and he gave her thirty more. The next day I sent him his fine

sword and cane gratis, and demanded nothing of him, but I had no mind

to see him, unless it had been so that he might be satisfied I knew who

he was, which he was not willing to.

Then he entered into a long talk with her of the manner how she came to

know all this matter. She formed a long tale of that part; how she had

it from one that I had told the whole story to, and that was to help me

dispose of the goods; and this confidante brought the things to her,

she being by profession a pawnbroker; and she hearing of his worship’s

disaster, guessed at the thing in general; that having gotten the

things into her hands, she had resolved to come and try as she had

done. She then gave him repeated assurances that it should never go out

of her mouth, and though she knew the woman very well, yet she had not

let her know, meaning me, anything of it; that is to say, who the

person was, which, by the way, was false; but, however, it was not to

his damage, for I never opened my mouth of it to anybody.

I had a great many thoughts in my head about my seeing him again, and

was often sorry that I had refused it. I was persuaded that if I had

seen him, and let him know that I knew him, I should have made some

advantage of him, and perhaps have had some maintenance from him; and

though it was a life wicked enough, yet it was not so full of danger as

this I was engaged in. However, those thoughts wore off, and I declined

seeing him again, for that time; but my governess saw him often, and he

was very kind to her, giving her something almost every time he saw

her. One time in particular she found him very merry, and as she

thought he had some wine in his head, and he pressed her again very

earnestly to let him see that woman that, as he said, had bewitched him

so that night, my governess, who was from the beginning for my seeing

him, told him he was so desirous of it that she could almost yield of

it, if she could prevail upon me; adding that if he would please to

come to her house in the evening, she would endeavour it, upon his

repeated assurances of forgetting what was past.

Accordingly she came to me, and told me all the discourse; in short,

she soon biassed me to consent, in a case which I had some regret in my

mind for declining before; so I prepared to see him. I dressed me to

all the advantage possible, I assure you, and for the first time used a

little art; I say for the first time, for I had never yielded to the

baseness of paint before, having always had vanity enough to believe I

had no need of it.

At the hour appointed he came; and as she observed before, so it was

plain still, that he had been drinking, though very far from what we

call being in drink. He appeared exceeding pleased to see me, and

entered into a long discourse with me upon the old affair. I begged his

pardon very often for my share of it, protested I had not any such

design when first I met him, that I had not gone out with him but that

I took him for a very civil gentleman, and that he made me so many

promises of offering no uncivility to me.

He alleged the wine he drank, and that he scarce knew what he did, and

that if it had not been so, I should never have let him take the

freedom with me that he had done. He protested to me that he never

touched any woman but me since he was married to his wife, and it was a

surprise upon him; complimented me upon being so particularly agreeable

to him, and the like; and talked so much of that kind, till I found he

had talked himself almost into a temper to do the same thing over

again. But I took him up short. I protested I had never suffered any

man to touch me since my husband died, which was near eight years. He

said he believed it to be so truly; and added that madam had intimated

as much to him, and that it was his opinion of that part which made his

desire to see me again; and that since he had once broke in upon his

virtue with me, and found no ill consequences, he could be safe in

venturing there again; and so, in short, it went on to what I expected,

and to what will not bear relating.

My old governess had foreseen it, as well as I, and therefore led him

into a room which had not a bed in it, and yet had a chamber within it

which had a bed, whither we withdrew for the rest of the night; and, in

short, after some time being together, he went to bed, and lay there

all night. I withdrew, but came again undressed in the morning, before

it was day, and lay with him the rest of the time.

Thus, you see, having committed a crime once is a sad handle to the

committing of it again; whereas all the regret and reflections wear off

when the temptation renews itself. Had I not yielded to see him again,

the corrupt desire in him had worn off, and ’tis very probable he had

never fallen into it with anybody else, as I really believe he had not

done before.

When he went away, I told him I hoped he was satisfied he had not been

robbed again. He told me he was satisfied in that point, and could

trust me again, and putting his hand in his pocket, gave me five

guineas, which was the first money I had gained that way for many

years.

I had several visits of the like kind from him, but he never came into

a settled way of maintenance, which was what I would have best pleased

with. Once, indeed, he asked me how I did to live. I answered him

pretty quick, that I assured him I had never taken that course that I

took with him, but that indeed I worked at my needle, and could just

maintain myself; that sometime it was as much as I was able to do, and

I shifted hard enough.

He seemed to reflect upon himself that he should be the first person to

lead me into that, which he assured me he never intended to do himself;

and it touched him a little, he said, that he should be the cause of

his own sin and mine too. He would often make just reflections also

upon the crime itself, and upon the particular circumstances of it with

respect to himself; how wine introduced the inclinations, how the devil

led him to the place, and found out an object to tempt him, and he made

the moral always himself.

When these thoughts were upon him he would go away, and perhaps not

come again in a month’s time or longer; but then as the serious part

wore off, the lewd part would wear in, and then he came prepared for

the wicked part. Thus we lived for some time; though he did not keep,

as they call it, yet he never failed doing things that were handsome,

and sufficient to maintain me without working, and, which was better,

without following my old trade.