Chương Chương 6 · HOW THE PORTUGUESE MADE A BEAUTIFUL AUTO-DA-FE, TO PREVENT ANY FURTHER

EARTHQUAKES; AND HOW CANDIDE WAS PUBLICLY WHIPPED.

After the earthquake had destroyed three-fourths of Lisbon, the sages of

that country could think of no means more effectual to prevent utter

ruin than to give the people a beautiful _auto-da-fe_[6]; for it had

been decided by the University of Coimbra, that the burning of a few

people alive by a slow fire, and with great ceremony, is an infallible

secret to hinder the earth from quaking.

In consequence hereof, they had seized on a Biscayner, convicted of

having married his godmother, and on two Portuguese, for rejecting the

bacon which larded a chicken they were eating[7]; after dinner, they

came and secured Dr. Pangloss, and his disciple Candide, the one for

speaking his mind, the other for having listened with an air of

approbation. They were conducted to separate apartments, extremely cold,

as they were never incommoded by the sun. Eight days after they were

dressed in _san-benitos_[8] and their heads ornamented with paper

mitres. The mitre and _san-benito_ belonging to Candide were painted

with reversed flames and with devils that had neither tails nor claws;

but Pangloss's devils had claws and tails and the flames were upright.

They marched in procession thus habited and heard a very pathetic

sermon, followed by fine church music. Candide was whipped in cadence

while they were singing; the Biscayner, and the two men who had refused

to eat bacon, were burnt; and Pangloss was hanged, though that was not

the custom. The same day the earth sustained a most violent concussion.

Candide, terrified, amazed, desperate, all bloody, all palpitating, said

to himself:

"If this is the best of possible worlds, what then are the others? Well,

if I had been only whipped I could put up with it, for I experienced

that among the Bulgarians; but oh, my dear Pangloss! thou greatest of

philosophers, that I should have seen you hanged, without knowing for

what! Oh, my dear Anabaptist, thou best of men, that thou should'st have

been drowned in the very harbour! Oh, Miss Cunegonde, thou pearl of

girls! that thou should'st have had thy belly ripped open!"

Thus he was musing, scarce able to stand, preached at, whipped,

absolved, and blessed, when an old woman accosted him saying:

"My son, take courage and follow me."

VII