Chương Chương 12 · Of Gargantua’s wooden horses

Chapter 1.XII.

Of Gargantua’s wooden horses.

Afterwards, that he might be all his lifetime a good rider, they made to

him a fair great horse of wood, which he did make leap, curvet, jerk out

behind, and skip forward, all at a time: to pace, trot, rack, gallop,

amble, to play the hobby, the hackney-gelding: go the gait of the camel,

and of the wild ass. He made him also change his colour of hair, as the

monks of Coultibo (according to the variety of their holidays) use to do

their clothes, from bay brown, to sorrel, dapple-grey, mouse-dun,

deer-colour, roan, cow-colour, gingioline, skewed colour, piebald, and the

colour of the savage elk.

Himself of a huge big post made a hunting nag, and another for daily

service of the beam of a vinepress: and of a great oak made up a mule,

with a footcloth, for his chamber. Besides this, he had ten or twelve

spare horses, and seven horses for post; and all these were lodged in his

own chamber, close by his bedside. One day the Lord of Breadinbag

(Painensac.) came to visit his father in great bravery, and with a gallant

train: and, at the same time, to see him came likewise the Duke of

Freemeal (Francrepas.) and the Earl of Wetgullet (Mouillevent.). The house

truly for so many guests at once was somewhat narrow, but especially the

stables; whereupon the steward and harbinger of the said Lord Breadinbag,

to know if there were any other empty stable in the house, came to

Gargantua, a little young lad, and secretly asked him where the stables of

the great horses were, thinking that children would be ready to tell all.

Then he led them up along the stairs of the castle, passing by the second

hall unto a broad great gallery, by which they entered into a large tower,

and as they were going up at another pair of stairs, said the harbinger to

the steward, This child deceives us, for the stables are never on the top

of the house. You may be mistaken, said the steward, for I know some

places at Lyons, at the Basmette, at Chaisnon, and elsewhere, which have

their stables at the very tops of the houses: so it may be that behind the

house there is a way to come to this ascent. But I will question with him

further. Then said he to Gargantua, My pretty little boy, whither do you

lead us? To the stable, said he, of my great horses. We are almost come

to it; we have but these stairs to go up at. Then leading them alongst

another great hall, he brought them into his chamber, and, opening the

door, said unto them, This is the stable you ask for; this is my jennet;

this is my gelding; this is my courser, and this is my hackney, and laid on

them with a great lever. I will bestow upon you, said he, this Friesland

horse; I had him from Frankfort, yet will I give him you; for he is a

pretty little nag, and will go very well, with a tessel of goshawks, half a

dozen of spaniels, and a brace of greyhounds: thus are you king of the

hares and partridges for all this winter. By St. John, said they, now we

are paid, he hath gleeked us to some purpose, bobbed we are now for ever.

I deny it, said he,--he was not here above three days. Judge you now,

whether they had most cause, either to hide their heads for shame, or to

laugh at the jest. As they were going down again thus amazed, he asked

them, Will you have a whimwham (Aubeliere.)? What is that, said they? It

is, said he, five turds to make you a muzzle. To-day, said the steward,

though we happen to be roasted, we shall not be burnt, for we are pretty

well quipped and larded, in my opinion. O my jolly dapper boy, thou hast

given us a gudgeon; I hope to see thee Pope before I die. I think so, said

he, myself; and then shall you be a puppy, and this gentle popinjay a

perfect papelard, that is, dissembler. Well, well, said the harbinger.

But, said Gargantua, guess how many stitches there are in my mother’s

smock. Sixteen, quoth the harbinger. You do not speak gospel, said

Gargantua, for there is cent before, and cent behind, and you did not

reckon them ill, considering the two under holes. When? said the

harbinger. Even then, said Gargantua, when they made a shovel of your nose

to take up a quarter of dirt, and of your throat a funnel, wherewith to put

it into another vessel, because the bottom of the old one was out.

Cocksbod, said the steward, we have met with a prater. Farewell, master

tattler, God keep you, so goodly are the words which you come out with, and

so fresh in your mouth, that it had need to be salted.

Thus going down in great haste, under the arch of the stairs they let fall

the great lever, which he had put upon their backs; whereupon Gargantua

said, What a devil! you are, it seems, but bad horsemen, that suffer your

bilder to fail you when you need him most. If you were to go from hence to

Cahusac, whether had you rather, ride on a gosling or lead a sow in a

leash? I had rather drink, said the harbinger. With this they entered

into the lower hall, where the company was, and relating to them this new

story, they made them laugh like a swarm of flies.