Chương Chương 33 · BOOK III CHAPTER VII

Very softly I approached the cabin, for a fear of encountering her

guardians was in my heart. It was in rather a lonely place, perched at

the base of that vast mountain abrasion they call the Slide, a long, low

cabin, quiet and dark, and surrounded by rugged boulders. Carefully I

reconnoitered, and soon, to my infinite joy, I saw the Jewish couple

come forth and make their way townward. The girl was alone.

How madly beat my heart! It was a glooming kind of a night, and the

cabin looked woefully bleak and solitary. No light came through the

windows, no sound through the moss-chinked walls. I drew near.

Why this wild commotion of my being? What was it? Anxiety, joy, dread? I

was poised on the pinnacle of hope that overhangs the abyss of despair.

Fearfully I paused. I was racked with suspense, conscious of a longing

so poignant that the thought of disappointment became insufferable pain.

So violent was my emotion that a feeling almost of nausea overcame me.

I knew now that I cared for this girl more than I had ever thought to

care for woman. I knew that she was dearer to me than all the world

else; I knew that my love for her would live as long as life is long.

I knocked at the door. No answer.

"Berna," I cried in a faltering whisper.

Came the reply: "Who is there?"

"Love, love, dear; love is waiting."

Then, at my words, the door was opened, and the girl was before me. I

think she had been lying down, for her soft hair was a little ruffled,

but her eyes were far too bright for sleep. She stood gazing at me, and

a little fluttering hand went up to her heart as if to still its

beating.

"Oh, my dear, I knew you were coming."

A great radiance of joy seemed to descend on her.

"You knew?"

"I knew, yes, I knew. Something told me you were come at last. And I've

waited--how I've waited! I've dreamed, but it's not a dream now, is it,

dear; it's you?"

"Yes, it's me. I've tried so hard to find you. Oh, my dear, my dear!"

I seized the sweet, soft hand and covered it with kisses. At that moment

I could have kissed the shadow of that little hand; I could have fallen

before her in speechless adoration; I could have made my heart a

footstool for her feet; I could have given her, O, so gladly, my paltry

life to save her from a moment's sorrow--I loved her so, I loved her so!

"High and low I've sought you, beloved. Morning, noon and night you've

been in my brain, my heart, my soul. I've loved you every moment of my

life. It's been desire feeding despair, and, O, the agony of it! Thank

God, I've found you, dear! thank God! thank God!"

O Love, look down on us and choir your harmonies! Transported was I,

speaking with whirling words of sweetest madness, tremulous, uplifted

with rapture, scarce conscious of my wild, impassioned metaphors. It was

she, most precious of all creation; she, my beloved. And there, in the

doorway, she poised, white as a lily, lustrous-eyed, and with hair soft

as sunlit foam. O Divinity of Love, look down on us thy children; fold

us in thy dove-soft wings; illumine us in thy white radiance; touch us

with thy celestial hands. Bless us, Love!

How vastly alight were the grey eyes! How ineffably tender the sweet

lips! A faint glow had come into her cheeks.

"O, it's you, really, really you at last," she cried again, and there

was a tremor, the surface ripple of a sob in that clear voice. She

fetched a deep sigh: "And I thought I'd lost you forever. Wait a moment.

I'll come out."

Endlessly long the moment seemed, yet wondrously irradiate. The shadow

had lifted from the world; the skies were alight with gladness; my heart

was heaven-aspiring in its ecstasy. Then, at last, she came.

She had thrown a shawl around her shoulders, and coaxed her hair into

charming waves and ripples.

"Come, let us go up the trail a little distance. They won't be back for

nearly an hour."

She led the way along that narrow path, looking over her shoulder with a

glorious smile, sometimes extending her hand back to me as one would

with a child.

Along the brow of the bluff the way wound dizzily, while far below the

river swept in a giant eddy. For a long time we spoke no word. 'Twas as

if our hearts were too full for utterance, our happiness too vast for

expression. Yet, O, the sweetness of that silence! The darkling gloom

had silvered into lustrous light, the birds were beginning again their

mad midnight melodies. Then, suddenly turning a bend in the narrow

trail, a blaze of glory leapt upon our sight.

"Look, Berna," I cried.

The swelling river was a lake of saffron fire; the hills a throne of

rosy garnet; the sky a dazzling panoply of rubies, girdled with flames

of gold. We almost cringed, so gorgeous was its glow, so fierce its

splendour.

Then, when we had seated ourselves on the hillside, facing the

conflagration, she turned to me.

"And so you found me, dear. I knew you would, somehow. In my heart I

knew you would not fail me. So I waited and waited. The time seemed

pitilessly long. I only thought of you once, and that was always. It was

cruel we left so suddenly, not even time to say good-bye. I can't tell

you how bad I felt about it, but I could not help myself. They dragged

me away. They began to be afraid of you, and he bade them leave at once.

So in the early morning we started."

"I see, I see." I looked into the pools of her eyes; I sheathed her

white hands in my brown ones, thrilling greatly at the contact of them.

"Tell me about it, child. Has he bothered you?"

"Oh, not so much. He thinks he has me safe enough, trapped, awaiting his

pleasure. But he's taken up with some woman of the town just now.

By-and-bye he'll turn his attention to me."

"Terrible! Terrible! Berna, you wring my heart. How can you talk of such

things in that matter-of-fact way--it maddens me."

An odd, hard look ridged the corners of her mouth.

"I don't know. Sometimes I'm surprised at myself how philosophical I'm

getting."

"But, Berna, surely nothing in this world would ever make you yield? O,

it's horrible! horrible!"

She leaned to me tenderly. She put my arms around her neck; she looked

at me till I saw my face mirrored in her eyes.

"Nothing in the world, dear, so long as I have you to love me and help

me. If ever you fail me, well, then it wouldn't matter much what became

of me."

"Even then," I said, "it would be too awful for words. I would rather

drag your body from that river than see you yield to him. He's a

monster. His very touch is profanation. He could not look on a woman

without cynical lust in his heart."

"I know, my boy, I know. Believe me and trust me. I would rather throw

myself from the bluff here than let him put a hand on me. And so long as

I have your love, dear, I'm safe enough. Don't fear. O, it's been

terrible not seeing you! I've craved for you ceaselessly. I've never

been out since we came here. They wouldn't let me. They kept in

themselves. He bade them. He has them both under his thumb. But now, for

some reason, he has relaxed. They're going to open a restaurant

downtown, and I'm to wait on table."

"No, you're not!" I cried, "not if I have anything to say in the matter.

Berna, I can't bear to think of you in that garbage-heap of corruption

down there. You must marry me--now."

"Now," she echoed, her eyes wide with surprise.

"Yes, right away, dear. There's nothing to prevent us. Berna, I love

you, I want you, I need you. I'm just distracted, dear. I never know a

moment's peace. I cannot take an interest in anything. When I speak to

others I'm thinking of you, you all the time. O, I can't bear it,

dearest; have pity on me: marry me now."

In an agony of suspense I waited for her answer. For a long time she sat

there, thoughtful and quiet, her eyes cast down. At last she raised them

to me.

"You said one year."

"Yes, but I was sorry afterwards. I want you now. I can't wait."

She looked at me gravely. Her voice was very soft, very tender.

"I think it better we should wait, dear. This is a blind, sudden desire

on your part. I mustn't take advantage of it. You pity me, fear for me,

and you have known so few other girls. It's generosity, chivalry, not

love for poor little me. O, we mustn't, we mustn't. And then--you might

change."

"Change! I'll never, never change," I pleaded. "I'll always be yours,

absolutely, wholly yours, little girl; body and soul, to make or to mar,

for ever and ever and ever."

"Well, it seems so sudden, so burning, so intense, your love, dear. I'm

afraid, I'm afraid. Maybe it's not the kind that lasts. Maybe you'll

tire. I'm not worth it, indeed I'm not. I'm only a poor ignorant girl.

If there were others near, you would never think of me."

"Berna," I said, "if you were among a thousand, and they were the most

adorable in all the world, I would pass over them all and turn with joy

and gratitude to you. Then, if I were an Emperor on a throne, and you

the humblest in all that throng, I would raise you up beside me and call

you 'Queen.'"

"Ah, no," she said sadly, "you were wise once. I saw it afterwards.

Better wait one year."

"Oh, my dearest," I reproached her, "once you offered yourself to me

under any conditions. Why have you changed?"

"I don't know. I'm bitterly ashamed of that. Never speak of it again."

She went on very quietly, full of gentle patience.

"You know, I've been thinking a great deal since then. In the long, long

days and longer nights, when I waited here in misery, hoping always you

would come to me, I had time to reflect, to weight your words. I

remember them all: 'love that means life and death, that great dazzling

light, that passion that would raise to heaven or drag to hell.' You

have awakened the woman in me; I must have a love like that."

"You have, my precious; you have, indeed."

"Well, then, let me have time to test it. This is June. Next June, if

you have not made up your mind you were foolish, blind, hasty, I will

give myself to you with all the love in the world."

"Perhaps _you_ will change."

She smiled a peculiar little smile.

"Never, never fear that. I will be waiting for you, longing for you,

loving you more and more every day."

I was bitterly cast down, crestfallen, numbed with the blow of her

refusal.

"Just now," she said, "I would only be a drag on you. I believe in you.

I have faith in you. I want to see you go out and mix in the battle of

life. I know you will win. For my sake, dear, win. I would handicap you

just now. There are all kinds of chances. Let us wait, boy, just a

year."

I saw the pathetic wisdom of her words.

"I know you fear something will happen to me. No! I think I will be

quite safe. I can withstand him. After a while he will leave me alone.

And if it should come to the worst I can call on you. You mustn't go too

far away. I will die rather than let him lay a hand on me. Till next

June, dear, not a day longer. We will both be the better for the wait."

I bowed my head. "Very well," I said huskily; "and what will I do in the

meantime?"

"Do! Do what you would have done otherwise. Do not let a woman divert

the current of your life; let her swim with it. Go out on the creeks!

Work! It will be better for you to go away. It will make it easier for

me. Here we will both torture each other. I, too, will work and live

quietly, and long for you. The time will pass quickly. You will come and

see me sometimes?"

"Yes," I answered. My voice choked with emotion.

"Now we must go home," she said; "I'm afraid they will be back."

She rose, and I followed her down the narrow trail. Once or twice she

turned and gave me a bright, tender look. I worshipped her more than

ever. Was there ever maid more sweet, more gentle, more quick with

anxious love? "Bless her, O bless her," I sighed. "Whatever comes, may

she be happy." I adored her, but a great sadness filled my heart, and

never a word I spoke.

We reached the cabin, and on the threshold she paused. The others had

not yet returned. She held out both hands to me, and her eyes were

glittering with tears.

"Be brave, my dearest; it's all for my sake--if you love me."

"I love you, my darling; anything for your sake. I'll go to-morrow."

"We're betrothed now, aren't we, dearest?"

"We're betrothed, my love."

She swayed to me and seemed to fit into my arms as a sword fits into its

sheath. My lips lay on hers, and I kissed her with a passionate joy. She

took my face between her hands and gazed at me long and earnestly.

"I love you, I love you," she murmured; "next June, my darling, next

June."

Then she gently slipped away from me, and I was gazing blankly at the

closed door.

"Next June," I heard a voice echo; and there, looking at me with a

smile, was Locasto.