Chương Chương 66 · 第66章

These were therefore difficulties insurmountable, and such as I knew

not what to do in. I had such strong impressions on my mind about

discovering myself to my brother, formerly my husband, that I could not

withstand them; and the rather, because it ran constantly in my

thoughts, that if I did not do it while he lived, I might in vain

endeavour to convince my son afterward that I was really the same

person, and that I was his mother, and so might both lose the

assistance and comfort of the relation, and the benefit of whatever it

was my mother had left me; and yet, on the other hand, I could never

think it proper to discover myself to them in the circumstances I was

in, as well relating to the having a husband with me as to my being

brought over by a legal transportation as a criminal; on both which

accounts it was absolutely necessary to me to remove from the place

where I was, and come again to him, as from another place and in

another figure.

Upon those considerations, I went on with telling my husband the

absolute necessity there was of our not settling in Potomac River, at

least that we should be presently made public there; whereas if we went

to any other place in the world, we should come in with as much

reputation as any family that came to plant; that, as it was always

agreeable to the inhabitants to have families come among them to plant,

who brought substance with them, either to purchase plantations or

begin new ones, so we should be sure of a kind, agreeable reception,

and that without any possibility of a discovery of our circumstances.

I told him in general, too, that as I had several relations in the

place where we were, and that I durst not now let myself be known to

them, because they would soon come into a knowledge of the occasion and

reason of my coming over, which would be to expose myself to the last

degree, so I had reason to believe that my mother, who died here, had

left me something, and perhaps considerable, which it might be very

well worth my while to inquire after; but that this too could not be

done without exposing us publicly, unless we went from hence; and then,

wherever we settled, I might come, as it were, to visit and to see my

brother and nephews, make myself known to them, claim and inquire after

what was my due, be received with respect, and at the same time have

justice done me with cheerfulness and good will; whereas, if I did it

now, I could expect nothing but with trouble, such as exacting it by

force, receiving it with curses and reluctance, and with all kinds of

affronts, which he would not perhaps bear to see; that in case of being

obliged to legal proofs of being really her daughter, I might be at

loss, be obliged to have recourse to England, and it may be to fail at

last, and so lose it, whatever it might be. With these arguments, and

having thus acquainted my husband with the whole secret so far as was

needful of him, we resolved to go and seek a settlement in some other

colony, and at first thoughts, Carolina was the place we pitched upon.

In order to this we began to make inquiry for vessels going to

Carolina, and in a very little while got information, that on the other

side the bay, as they call it, namely, in Maryland, there was a ship

which came from Carolina, laden with rice and other goods, and was

going back again thither, and from thence to Jamaica, with provisions.

On this news we hired a sloop to take in our goods, and taking, as it

were, a final farewell of Potomac River, we went with all our cargo

over to Maryland.

This was a long and unpleasant voyage, and my spouse said it was worse

to him than all the voyage from England, because the weather was but

indifferent, the water rough, and the vessel small and inconvenient. In

the next place, we were full a hundred miles up Potomac River, in a

part which they call Westmoreland County, and as that river is by far

the greatest in Virginia, and I have heard say it is the greatest river

in the world that falls into another river, and not directly into the

sea, so we had base weather in it, and were frequently in great danger;

for though we were in the middle, we could not see land on either side

for many leagues together. Then we had the great river or bay of

Chesapeake to cross, which is where the river Potomac falls into it,

near thirty miles broad, and we entered more great vast waters whose

names I know not, so that our voyage was full two hundred miles, in a

poor, sorry sloop, with all our treasure, and if any accident had

happened to us, we might at last have been very miserable; supposing we

had lost our goods and saved our lives only, and had then been left

naked and destitute, and in a wild, strange place not having one friend

or acquaintance in all that part of the world. The very thought of it

gives me some horror, even since the danger is past.

Well, we came to the place in five days’ sailing; I think they call it

Philip’s Point; and behold, when we came thither, the ship bound to

Carolina was loaded and gone away but three days before. This was a

disappointment; but, however, I, that was to be discouraged with

nothing, told my husband that since we could not get passage to

Carolina, and that the country we was in was very fertile and good, we

would, if he liked of it, see if we could find out anything for our

tune where we was, and that if he liked things we would settle here.

We immediately went on shore, but found no conveniences just at that

place, either for our being on shore or preserving our goods on shore,

but was directed by a very honest Quaker, whom we found there, to go to

a place about sixty miles east; that is to say, nearer the mouth of the

bay, where he said he lived, and where we should be accommodated,

either to plant, or to wait for any other place to plant in that might

be more convenient; and he invited us with so much kindness and simple

honesty, that we agreed to go, and the Quaker himself went with us.

Here we bought us two servants, viz. an English woman-servant just come

on shore from a ship of Liverpool, and a Negro man-servant, things

absolutely necessary for all people that pretended to settle in that

country. This honest Quaker was very helpful to us, and when we came to

the place that he proposed to us, found us out a convenient storehouse

for our goods, and lodging for ourselves and our servants; and about

two months or thereabouts afterwards, by his direction, we took up a

large piece of land from the governor of that country, in order to form

our plantation, and so we laid the thoughts of going to Carolina wholly

aside, having been very well received here, and accommodated with a

convenient lodging till we could prepare things, and have land enough

cleared, and timber and materials provided for building us a house, all

which we managed by the direction of the Quaker; so that in one year’s

time we had nearly fifty acres of land cleared, part of it enclosed,

and some of it planted with tabacco, though not much; besides, we had

garden ground and corn sufficient to help supply our servants with

roots and herbs and bread.

And now I persuaded my husband to let me go over the bay again, and

inquire after my friends. He was the willinger to consent to it now,

because he had business upon his hands sufficient to employ him,

besides his gun to divert him, which they call hunting there, and which

he greatly delighted in; and indeed we used to look at one another,

sometimes with a great deal of pleasure, reflecting how much better

that was, not than Newgate only, but than the most prosperous of our

circumstances in the wicked trade that we had been both carrying on.

Our affair was in a very good posture; we purchased of the proprietors

of the colony as much land for £35, paid in ready money, as would make

a sufficient plantation to employ between fifty and sixty servants, and

which, being well improved, would be sufficient to us as long as we

could either of us live; and as for children, I was past the prospect

of anything of that kind.

But out good fortune did not end here. I went, as I have said, over the

bay, to the place where my brother, once a husband, lived; but I did

not go to the same village where I was before, but went up another

great river, on the east side of the river Potomac, called Rappahannock

River, and by this means came on the back of his plantation, which was

large, and by the help of a navigable creek, or little river, that ran

into the Rappahannock, I came very near it.

I was now fully resolved to go up point-blank to my brother (husband),

and to tell him who I was; but not knowing what temper I might find him

in, or how much out of temper rather, I might make him by such a rash

visit, I resolved to write a letter to him first, to let him know who I

was, and that I was come not to give him any trouble upon the old

relation, which I hoped was entirely forgot, but that I applied to him

as a sister to a brother, desiring his assistance in the case of that

provision which our mother, at her decease, had left for my support,

and which I did not doubt but he would do me justice in, especially

considering that I was come thus far to look after it.

I said some very tender, kind things in the letter about his son, which

I told him he knew to be my own child, and that as I was guilty of

nothing in marrying him, any more than he was in marrying me, neither

of us having then known our being at all related to one another, so I

hoped he would allow me the most passionate desire of once seeing my

one and only child, and of showing something of the infirmities of a

mother in preserving a violent affect for him, who had never been able

to retain any thought of me one way or other.

I did believe that, having received this letter, he would immediately

give it to his son to read, I having understood his eyes being so dim,

that he could not see to read it; but it fell out better than so, for

as his sight was dim, so he had allowed his son to open all letters

that came to his hand for him, and the old gentleman being from home,

or out of the way when my messenger came, my letter came directly to my

son’s hand, and he opened and read it.