第 三十九 章 · 第39章

All the while I was opening these things I was under such dreadful

impressions of fear, and I such terror of mind, though I was perfectly

safe, that I cannot express the manner of it. I sat me down, and cried

most vehemently. “Lord,” said I, “what am I now? a thief! Why, I shall

be taken next time, and be carried to Newgate and be tried for my

life!” And with that I cried again a long time, and I am sure, as poor

as I was, if I had durst for fear, I would certainly have carried the

things back again; but that went off after a while. Well, I went to bed

for that night, but slept little; the horror of the fact was upon my

mind, and I knew not what I said or did all night, and all the next

day. Then I was impatient to hear some news of the loss; and would fain

know how it was, whether they were a poor body’s goods, or a rich.

“Perhaps,” said I, “it may be some poor widow like me, that had packed

up these goods to go and sell them for a little bread for herself and a

poor child, and are now starving and breaking their hearts for want of

that little they would have fetched.” And this thought tormented me

worse than all the rest, for three or four days’ time.

But my own distresses silenced all these reflections, and the prospect

of my own starving, which grew every day more frightful to me, hardened

my heart by degrees. It was then particularly heavy upon my mind, that

I had been reformed, and had, as I hoped, repented of all my past

wickedness; that I had lived a sober, grave, retired life for several

years, but now I should be driven by the dreadful necessity of my

circumstances to the gates of destruction, soul and body; and two or

three times I fell upon my knees, praying to God, as well as I could,

for deliverance; but I cannot but say, my prayers had no hope in them.

I knew not what to do; it was all fear without, and dark within; and I

reflected on my past life as not sincerely repented of, that Heaven was

now beginning to punish me on this side of the grave, and would make me

as miserable as I had been wicked.

Had I gone on here I had perhaps been a true penitent; but I had an

evil counsellor within, and he was continually prompting me to relieve

myself by the worst means; so one evening he tempted me again, by the

same wicked impulse that had said “Take that bundle,” to go out again

and seek for what might happen.

I went out now by daylight, and wandered about I knew not whither, and

in search of I knew not what, when the devil put a snare in my way of a

dreadful nature indeed, and such a one as I have never had before or

since. Going through Aldersgate Street, there was a pretty little child

who had been at a dancing-school, and was going home, all alone; and my

prompter, like a true devil, set me upon this innocent creature. I

talked to it, and it prattled to me again, and I took it by the hand

and led it along till I came to a paved alley that goes into

Bartholomew Close, and I led it in there. The child said that was not

its way home. I said, “Yes, my dear, it is; I’ll show you the way

home.” The child had a little necklace on of gold beads, and I had my

eye upon that, and in the dark of the alley I stooped, pretending to

mend the child’s clog that was loose, and took off her necklace, and

the child never felt it, and so led the child on again. Here, I say,

the devil put me upon killing the child in the dark alley, that it

might not cry, but the very thought frighted me so that I was ready to

drop down; but I turned the child about and bade it go back again, for

that was not its way home. The child said, so she would, and I went

through into Bartholomew Close, and then turned round to another

passage that goes into St. John Street; then, crossing into Smithfield,

went down Chick Lane and into Field Lane to Holborn Bridge, when,

mixing with the crowd of people usually passing there, it was not

possible to have been found out; and thus I enterprised my second sally

into the world.

The thoughts of this booty put out all the thoughts of the first, and

the reflections I had made wore quickly off; poverty, as I have said,

hardened my heart, and my own necessities made me regardless of

anything. The last affair left no great concern upon me, for as I did

the poor child no harm, I only said to myself, I had given the parents

a just reproof for their negligence in leaving the poor little lamb to

come home by itself, and it would teach them to take more care of it

another time.

This string of beads was worth about twelve or fourteen pounds. I

suppose it might have been formerly the mother’s, for it was too big

for the child’s wear, but that perhaps the vanity of the mother, to

have her child look fine at the dancing-school, had made her let the

child wear it; and no doubt the child had a maid sent to take care of

it, but she, careless jade, was taken up perhaps with some fellow that

had met her by the way, and so the poor baby wandered till it fell into

my hands.

However, I did the child no harm; I did not so much as fright it, for I

had a great many tender thoughts about me yet, and did nothing but

what, as I may say, mere necessity drove me to.

I had a great many adventures after this, but I was young in the

business, and did not know how to manage, otherwise than as the devil

put things into my head; and indeed he was seldom backward to me. One

adventure I had which was very lucky to me. I was going through Lombard

Street in the dusk of the evening, just by the end of Three King court,

when on a sudden comes a fellow running by me as swift as lightning,

and throws a bundle that was in his hand, just behind me, as I stood up

against the corner of the house at the turning into the alley. Just as

he threw it in he said, “God bless you, mistress, let it lie there a

little,” and away he runs swift as the wind. After him comes two more,

and immediately a young fellow without his hat, crying “Stop thief!”

and after him two or three more. They pursued the two last fellows so

close, that they were forced to drop what they had got, and one of them

was taken into the bargain, and other got off free.

I stood stock-still all this while, till they came back, dragging the

poor fellow they had taken, and lugging the things they had found,

extremely well satisfied that they had recovered the booty and taken

the thief; and thus they passed by me, for I looked only like one who

stood up while the crowd was gone.

Once or twice I asked what was the matter, but the people neglected

answering me, and I was not very importunate; but after the crowd was

wholly past, I took my opportunity to turn about and take up what was

behind me and walk away. This, indeed, I did with less disturbance than

I had done formerly, for these things I did not steal, but they were

stolen to my hand. I got safe to my lodgings with this cargo, which was

a piece of fine black lustring silk, and a piece of velvet; the latter

was but part of a piece of about eleven yards; the former was a whole

piece of near fifty yards. It seems it was a mercer’s shop that they

had rifled. I say rifled, because the goods were so considerable that

they had lost; for the goods that they recovered were pretty many, and

I believe came to about six or seven several pieces of silk. How they

came to get so many I could not tell; but as I had only robbed the

thief, I made no scruple at taking these goods, and being very glad of

them too.

I had pretty good luck thus far, and I made several adventures more,

though with but small purchase, yet with good success, but I went in

daily dread that some mischief would befall me, and that I should

certainly come to be hanged at last. The impression this made on me was

too strong to be slighted, and it kept me from making attempts that,

for ought I knew, might have been very safely performed; but one thing

I cannot omit, which was a bait to me many a day. I walked frequently

out into the villages round the town, to see if nothing would fall in

my way there; and going by a house near Stepney, I saw on the

window-board two rings, one a small diamond ring, and the other a gold

ring, to be sure laid there by some thoughtless lady, that had more

money than forecast, perhaps only till she washed her hands.

I walked several times by the window to observe if I could see whether

there was anybody in the room or no, and I could see nobody, but still

I was not sure. It came presently into my thoughts to rap at the glass,

as if I wanted to speak with somebody, and if anybody was there they

would be sure to come to the window, and then I would tell them to

remove those rings, for that I had seen two suspicious fellows take

notice of them. This was a ready thought. I rapped once or twice and

nobody came, when, seeing the coast clear, I thrust hard against the

square of the glass, and broke it with very little noise, and took out

the two rings, and walked away with them very safe. The diamond ring

was worth about £3, and the other about 9s.

I was now at a loss for a market for my goods, and especially for my

two pieces of silk. I was very loth to dispose of them for a trifle, as

the poor unhappy thieves in general do, who, after they have ventured

their lives for perhaps a thing of value, are fain to sell it for a

song when they have done; but I was resolved I would not do thus,

whatever shift I made, unless I was driven to the last extremity.

However, I did not well know what course to take. At last I resolved to

go to my old governess, and acquaint myself with her again. I had

punctually supplied the £5 a year to her for my little boy as long as I

was able, but at last was obliged to put a stop to it. However, I had

written a letter to her, wherein I had told her that my circumstances

were reduced very low; that I had lost my husband, and that I was not

able to do it any longer, and so begged that the poor child might not

suffer too much for its mother’s misfortunes.

I now made her a visit, and I found that she drove something of the old

trade still, but that she was not in such flourishing circumstances as

before; for she had been sued by a certain gentleman who had had his

daughter stolen from him, and who, it seems, she had helped to convey

away; and it was very narrowly that she escaped the gallows. The

expense also had ravaged her, and she was become very poor; her house

was but meanly furnished, and she was not in such repute for her

practice as before; however, she stood upon her legs, as they say, and

as she was a stirring, bustling woman, and had some stock left, she was

turned pawnbroker, and lived pretty well.