Kabanata Kabanata 37 · How Gargantua, in combing hi

Chapter 1.XXXVII.

How Gargantua, in combing his head, made the great cannon-balls fall out of

his hair.

Being come out of the river of Vede, they came very shortly after to

Grangousier’s castle, who waited for them with great longing. At their

coming they were entertained with many congees, and cherished with

embraces. Never was seen a more joyful company, for Supplementum

Supplementi Chronicorum saith that Gargamelle died there with joy; for my

part, truly I cannot tell, neither do I care very much for her, nor for

anybody else. The truth was, that Gargantua, in shifting his clothes, and

combing his head with a comb, which was nine hundred foot long of the

Jewish cane measure, and whereof the teeth were great tusks of elephants,

whole and entire, he made fall at every rake above seven balls of bullets,

at a dozen the ball, that stuck in his hair at the razing of the castle of

the wood of Vede. Which his father Grangousier seeing, thought they had

been lice, and said unto him, What, my dear son, hast thou brought us this

far some short-winged hawks of the college of Montague? I did not mean

that thou shouldst reside there. Then answered Ponocrates, My sovereign

lord, think not that I have placed him in that lousy college which they

call Montague; I had rather have put him amongst the grave-diggers of Sanct

Innocent, so enormous is the cruelty and villainy that I have known there:

for the galley-slaves are far better used amongst the Moors and Tartars,

the murderers in the criminal dungeons, yea, the very dogs in your house,

than are the poor wretched students in the aforesaid college. And if I

were King of Paris, the devil take me if I would not set it on fire, and

burn both principal and regents, for suffering this inhumanity to be

exercised before their eyes. Then, taking up one of these bullets, he

said, These are cannon-shot, which your son Gargantua hath lately received

by the treachery of your enemies, as he was passing before the wood of

Vede.

But they have been so rewarded, that they are all destroyed in the ruin of

the castle, as were the Philistines by the policy of Samson, and those whom

the tower of Silohim slew, as it is written in the thirteenth of Luke. My

opinion is, that we pursue them whilst the luck is on our side; for

occasion hath all her hair on her forehead; when she is passed, you may not

recall her,--she hath no tuft whereby you can lay hold on her, for she is

bald in the hind-part of her head, and never returneth again. Truly, said

Grangousier, it shall not be at this time; for I will make you a feast

this night, and bid you welcome.

This said, they made ready supper, and, of extraordinary besides his daily

fare, were roasted sixteen oxen, three heifers, two and thirty calves,

three score and three fat kids, four score and fifteen wethers, three

hundred farrow pigs or sheats soused in sweet wine or must, eleven score

partridges, seven hundred snipes and woodcocks, four hundred Loudun and

Cornwall capons, six thousand pullets, and as many pigeons, six hundred

crammed hens, fourteen hundred leverets, or young hares and rabbits, three

hundred and three buzzards, and one thousand and seven hundred cockerels.

For venison, they could not so suddenly come by it, only eleven wild boars,

which the Abbot of Turpenay sent, and eighteen fallow deer which the Lord

of Gramount bestowed; together with seven score pheasants, which were sent

by the Lord of Essars; and some dozens of queests, coushats, ringdoves, and

woodculvers; river-fowl, teals and awteals, bitterns, courtes, plovers,

francolins, briganders, tyrasons, young lapwings, tame ducks, shovellers,

woodlanders, herons, moorhens, criels, storks, canepetiers, oranges,

flamans, which are phaenicopters, or crimson-winged sea-fowls, terrigoles,

turkeys, arbens, coots, solan-geese, curlews, termagants, and

water-wagtails, with a great deal of cream, curds, and fresh cheese, and

store of soup, pottages, and brewis with great variety. Without doubt there

was meat enough, and it was handsomely dressed by Snapsauce, Hotchpot, and

Brayverjuice, Grangousier’s cooks. Jenkin Trudgeapace and Cleanglass were

very careful to fill them drink.