Kabanata Kabanata 38 · How Gargantua did eat up six

Chapter 1.XXXVIII.

How Gargantua did eat up six pilgrims in a salad.

The story requireth that we relate that which happened unto six pilgrims

who came from Sebastian near to Nantes, and who for shelter that night,

being afraid of the enemy, had hid themselves in the garden upon the

chichling peas, among the cabbages and lettuces. Gargantua finding himself

somewhat dry, asked whether they could get any lettuce to make him a salad;

and hearing that there were the greatest and fairest in the country, for

they were as great as plum-trees or as walnut-trees, he would go thither

himself, and brought thence in his hand what he thought good, and withal

carried away the six pilgrims, who were in so great fear that they did not

dare to speak nor cough.

Washing them, therefore, first at the fountain, the pilgrims said one to

another softly, What shall we do? We are almost drowned here amongst these

lettuce, shall we speak? But if we speak, he will kill us for spies. And,

as they were thus deliberating what to do, Gargantua put them with the

lettuce into a platter of the house, as large as the huge tun of the White

Friars of the Cistercian order; which done, with oil, vinegar, and salt, he

ate them up, to refresh himself a little before supper, and had already

swallowed up five of the pilgrims, the sixth being in the platter, totally

hid under a lettuce, except his bourdon or staff that appeared, and nothing

else. Which Grangousier seeing, said to Gargantua, I think that is the

horn of a shell-snail, do not eat it. Why not? said Gargantua, they are

good all this month: which he no sooner said, but, drawing up the staff,

and therewith taking up the pilgrim, he ate him very well, then drank a

terrible draught of excellent white wine. The pilgrims, thus devoured,

made shift to save themselves as well as they could, by withdrawing their

bodies out of the reach of the grinders of his teeth, but could not escape

from thinking they had been put in the lowest dungeon of a prison. And

when Gargantua whiffed the great draught, they thought to have been drowned

in his mouth, and the flood of wine had almost carried them away into the

gulf of his stomach. Nevertheless, skipping with their bourdons, as St.

Michael’s palmers use to do, they sheltered themselves from the danger of

that inundation under the banks of his teeth. But one of them by chance,

groping or sounding the country with his staff, to try whether they were in

safety or no, struck hard against the cleft of a hollow tooth, and hit the

mandibulary sinew or nerve of the jaw, which put Gargantua to very great

pain, so that he began to cry for the rage that he felt. To ease himself

therefore of his smarting ache, he called for his toothpicker, and rubbing

towards a young walnut-tree, where they lay skulking, unnestled you my

gentlemen pilgrims.

For he caught one by the legs, another by the scrip, another by the pocket,

another by the scarf, another by the band of the breeches, and the poor

fellow that had hurt him with the bourdon, him he hooked to him by the

codpiece, which snatch nevertheless did him a great deal of good, for it

pierced unto him a pocky botch he had in the groin, which grievously

tormented him ever since they were past Ancenis. The pilgrims, thus

dislodged, ran away athwart the plain a pretty fast pace, and the pain

ceased, even just at the time when by Eudemon he was called to supper, for

all was ready. I will go then, said he, and piss away my misfortune; which

he did do in such a copious measure, that the urine taking away the feet

from the pilgrims, they were carried along with the stream unto the bank of

a tuft of trees. Upon which, as soon as they had taken footing, and that

for their self-preservation they had run a little out of the road, they on

a sudden fell all six, except Fourniller, into a trap that had been made to

take wolves by a train, out of which, nevertheless, they escaped by the

industry of the said Fourniller, who broke all the snares and ropes. Being

gone from thence, they lay all the rest of that night in a lodge near unto

Coudray, where they were comforted in their miseries by the gracious words

of one of their company, called Sweer-to-go, who showed them that this

adventure had been foretold by the prophet David, Psalm. Quum exsurgerent

homines in nos, forte vivos deglutissent nos; when we were eaten in the

salad, with salt, oil, and vinegar. Quum irasceretur furor eorum in nos,

forsitan aqua absorbuisset nos; when he drank the great draught. Torrentem

pertransivit anima nostra; when the stream of his water carried us to the

thicket. Forsitan pertransisset anima nostra aquam intolerabilem; that is,

the water of his urine, the flood whereof, cutting our way, took our feet

from us. Benedictus Dominus qui non dedit nos in captionem dentibus eorum.

Anima nostra sicut passer erepta est de laqueo venantium; when we fell in

the trap. Laqueus contritus est, by Fourniller, et nos liberati sumus.

Adjutorium nostrum, &c.