Bab Bab 6 · I heartily despise Clown. It would be beneficial for Japan if su

llow were tied to a quernstone and dumped into the sea. As to Red

Shirt, his voice did not suit my fancy. I believe he suppresses his

natural tones to put on airs and assume genteel manner. He may put on

all kinds of airs, but nothing good will come of it with that type of

face. If anything falls in love with him, perhaps the Madonna will be

about the limit. As a head-teacher, however, he is more serious than

Clown. As he did not say definitely, I cannot get to the point, but it

appears that he warned me to look-out for Porcupine as he is crooked.

If that was the case, he should have declared it like a man. And if

Porcupine is so bad a teacher as that, it would be better to discharge

him. What a lack of backbone for a head teacher and a Bachelor of Arts!

As he is a fellow so cautious as to be unable to mention the name of

the other even in a whisper, he is surely a mollycoddle. All

mollycoddles are kind, and that Red Shirt may be as kind as a woman.

His kindness is one thing, and his voice quite another, and it would be

wrong to disregard his kindness on account of his voice. But then,

isn’t this world a funny place! The fellow I don’t like is kind to me,

and the friend whom I like is crooked,—how absurd! Probably everything

here goes in opposite directions as it is in the country, the contrary

holds in Tokyo. A dangerous place, this. By degrees, fires may get

frozen and custard pudding petrified. But it is hardly believable that

Porcupine would incite the students, although he might do most anything

he wishes as he is best liked among them. Instead of taking in so

roundabout a way, in the first place, it would have saved him a lot of

trouble if he came direct to me and got at me for a fight. If I am in

his way, he had better tell me so, and ask me to resign because I am in

his way. There is nothing that cannot be settled by talking it over. If

what he says sounds reasonable, I would resign even tomorrow. This is

not the only town where I can get bread and butter; I ought not to die

homeless wherever I go. I thought Porcupine was a better sport.

When I came here, Porcupine was the first to treat me to ice water. To

be treated by such a fellow, even if it is so trifling a thing as ice

water, affects my honor. I had only one glass then and had him pay only

one sen and a half. But one sen or half sen, I shall not die in peace

if I accept a favor from a swindler. I will pay it back tomorrow when I

go to the school. I borrowed three yen from Kiyo. That three yen is not

paid yet to-day, though it is five years since. Not that I could not

pay, but that I did not want to. Kiyo never looks to my pocket thinking

I shall pay it back by-the-bye. Not by any means. I myself do not

expect to fulfill cold obligation like a stranger by meditating on

returning it. The more I worry about paying it back, the more I may be

doubting the honest heart of Kiyo. It would be the same as traducing

her pure mind. I have not paid her back that three yen not because I

regard her lightly, but because I regard her as part of myself. Kiyo

and Porcupine cannot be compared, of course, but whether it be ice

water or tea, the fact that I accept another’s favor without saying

anything is an act of good-will, taking the other on his par value, as

a decent fellow. Instead of chipping in my share, and settling each

account, to receive munificence with grateful mind is an acknowledgment

which no amount of money can purchase. I have neither title nor

official position but I am an independent fellow, and to have an

independent fellow kowtow to you in acknowledgment of the favor you

extend him should be considered as far more than a return

acknowledgment with a million yen. I made Porcupine blow one sen and a

half, and gave him my gratitude which is more costly than a million

yen. He ought to have been thankful for that. And then what an

outrageous fellow to plan a cowardly action behind my back! I will give

him back that one sen and a half tomorrow, and all will be square. Then

I will land him one. When I thought thus far, I felt sleepy and slept

like a log. The next day, as I had something in my mind, I went to the

school earlier than usual and waited for Porcupine, but he did not

appear for a considerable time. “Confucius” was there, so was Clown,

and finally Red Shirt, but for Porcupine there was a piece of chalk on

his desk but the owner was not there. I had been thinking of paying

that one sen and a half as soon as I entered the room, and had brought

the coppers to the school grasped in my hand. My hands get easily

sweaty, and when I opened my hand, I found them wet. Thinking that

Porcupine might say something if wet coins were given him, I placed

them upon my desk, and cooled them by blowing in them. Then Red Shirt

came to me and said he was sorry to detain me yesterday, thought I have

been annoyed. I told him I was not annoyed at all, only I was hungry.

Thereupon Red Shirt put his elbows upon the desk, brought his

sauce-pan-like face close to my nose, and said; “Say, keep dark what I

told you yesterday in the boat. You haven’t told it anybody, have you?”

He seems quite a nervous fellow as becoming one who talks in a feminish

voice. It was certain that I had not told it to anybody, but as I was

in the mood to tell it and had already one sen and a half in my hand, I

would be a little rattled if a gag was put on me. To the devil with Red

Shirt! Although he had not mentioned the name “Porcupine,” he had given

me such pointers as to put me wise as to who the objective was, and now

he requested me not to blow the gaff!—it was an irresponsibility least

to be expected from a head teacher. In the ordinary run of things, he

should step into the thick of the fight between Porcupine and me, and

side with me with all his colors flying. By so doing, he might be

worthy the position of the head teacher, and vindicate the principle of

wearing red shirts.

I told the head teacher that I had not divulged the secret to anybody

but was going to fight it out with Porcupine. Red Shirt was greatly

perturbed, and stuttered out; “Say, don’t do anything so rash as that.

I don’t remember having stated anything plainly to you about Mr.

Hotta……. if you start a scrimmage here, I’ll be greatly embarrassed.”

And he asked the strangely outlandish question if I had come to the

school to start trouble? Of course not, I said, the school would not

stand for my making trouble and pay me salary for it. Red Shirt then,

perspiring, begged me to keep the secret as mere reference and never

mention it. “All right, then,” I assured him, “this robs me shy, but

since you’re so afraid of it, I’ll keep it all to myself.” “Are you

sure?” repeated Red Shirt. There was no limit to his womanishness. If

Red Shirt was typical of Bachelors of Arts, I did not see much in them.

He appeared composed after having requested me to do something

self-contradictory and wanting logic, and on top of that suspects my

sincerity.

“Don’t you mistake,” I said to myself, “I’m a man to the marrow, and

haven’t the idea of breaking my own promises; mark that!”

Meanwhile the occupants of the desks on both my sides came to the room,

and Red Shirt hastily withdrew to his own desk. Red Shirt shows some

air even in his walk. In stepping about the room, he places down his

shoes so as to make no sound. For the first time I came to know that

making no sound in one’s walk was something satisfactory to one’s

vanity. He was not training himself for a burglar, I suppose. He should

cut out such nonsense before it gets worse. Then the bugle for the

opening of classes was heard. Porcupine did not appear after all. There

was no other way but to leave the coins upon the desk and attend the

class.

When I returned to the room a little late after the first hour class,

all the teachers were there at their desks, and Porcupine too was

there. The moment Porcupine saw my face, he said that he was late on my

account, and I should pay him a fine. I took out that one sen and a

half, and saying it was the price of the ice water, shoved it on his

desk and told him to take it. “Don’t josh me,” he said, and began

laughing, but as I appeared unusually serious, he swept the coins back

to my desk, and flung back, “Quit fooling.” So he really meant to treat

me, eh?

“No fooling; I mean it,” I said. “I have no reason to accept your

treat, and that’s why I pay you back. Why don’t you take it?”

“If you’re so worried about that one sen and a half, I will take it,

but why do you pay it at this time so suddenly?”

“This time or any time, I want to pay it back. I pay it back because I

don’t like you treat me.”

Porcupine coldly gazed at me and ejaculated “H’m.” If I had not been

requested by Red Shirt, here was the chance to show up his cowardice

and make it hot for him. But since I had promised not to reveal the

secret, I could do nothing. What the deuce did he mean by “H’m” when I

was red with anger.

“I’ll take the price of the ice water, but I want you leave your

boarding house.”

“Take that coin; that’s all there is to it. To leave or not,—that’s my

pleasure.”

“But that is not your pleasure. The boss of your boarding house came to

me yesterday and wanted me to tell you leave the house, and when I

heard his explanation, what he said was reasonable. And I dropped there

on my way here this morning to hear more details and make sure of

everything.”

What Porcupine was trying to get at was all dark to me.

“I don’t care a snap what the boss was damn well pleased to tell you,”

I cried. “What do you mean by deciding everything by yourself! If there

is any reason, tell me first. What’s the matter with you, deciding what

the boss says is reasonable without hearing me.”

“Then you shall hear,” he said. “You’re too tough and been regarded a

nuisance over there. Say, the wife of a boarding house is a wife, not a

maid, and you’ve been such a four-flusher as to make her wipe your

feet.”

“When did I make her wipe my feet?” I asked.

“I don’t know whether you did or did not, but anyway they’re pretty

sore about you. He said he can make ten or fifteen yen easily if he

sell a roll of panel-picture.”

“Damn the chap! Why did he take me for a boarder then!”

“I don’t know why. They took you but they want you leave because they

got tired of you. So you’d better get out.”

“Sure, I will. Who’d stay in such a house even if they beg me on their

knees. You’re insolent to have induced me to go to such a false accuser

in the first place.”

“Might be either I’m insolent or you’re tough.” Porcupine is no less

hot-tempered than I am, and spoke with equally loud voice. All the

other teachers in the room, surprised, wondering what has happened,

looked in our direction and craned their necks. I was not conscious of

having done anything to be ashamed of, so I stood up and looked around.

Clown alone was laughing amused. The moment he met my glaring stare as

if to say “You too want to fight?” he suddenly assumed a grave face and

became serious. He seemed to be a little cowed. Meanwhile the bugle was

heard, and Porcupine and I stopped the quarrel and went to the class

rooms.

In the afternoon, a meeting of the teachers was going to be held to

discuss the question of punishment of those students in the dormitory

who offended me the other night. This meeting was a thing I had to

attend for the first time in my life, and I was totally ignorant about

it. Probably it was where the teachers gathered to blow about their own

opinions and the principal bring them to compromise somehow. To

compromise is a method used when no decision can be delivered as to the

right or wrong of either side. It seemed to me a waste of time to hold

a meeting over an affair in which the guilt of the other side was plain

as daylight. No matter who tried to twist it round, there was no ground

for doubting the facts. It would have been better if the principal had

decided at once on such a plain case; he is surely wanting in decision.

If all principals are like this, a principal is a synonym of a

“dilly-dally.”

The meeting hall was a long, narrow room next to that of the principal,

and was used for dining room. About twenty chairs, with black leather

seat, were lined around a narrow table, and the whole scene looked like

a restaurant in Kanda. At one end of the table the principal took his

seat, and next to him Red Shirt. All the rest shifted for themselves,

but the gymnasium teacher is said always to take the seat farthest down

out of modesty. The situation was new to me, so I sat down between the

teachers of natural history and of Confucius. Across the table sat

Porcupine and Clown. Think how I might, the face of Clown was a

degrading type. That of Porcupine was far more charming, even if I was

now on bad terms with him. The panel picture which hung in the alcove

of the reception hall of Yogen temple where I went to the funeral of my

father, looked exactly like this Porcupine. A priest told me the

picture was the face of a strange creature called Idaten. To-day he was

pretty sore, and frequently stared at me with his fiery eyes rolling.

“You can’t bulldoze me with that,” I thought, and rolled my own in

defiance and stared back at him. My eyes are not well-shaped but their

large size is seldom beaten by others. Kiyo even once suggested that I

should make a fine actor because I had big eyes.

“All now here?” asked the principal, and the clerk named Kawamura

counted one, two, three and one was short. “Just one more,” said the

clerk, and it ought to be; Hubbard Squash was not there. I don’t know

what affinity there is between Hubbard Squash and me, but I can never

forget his face. When I come to the teachers’ room, his face attracts

me first; while walking out in the street, his manners are recalled to

my mind. When I go to the hot springs, sometimes I meet him with a

pale-face in the bath, and if I hallooed to him, he would raise his

trembling head, making me feel sorry for him. In the school there is no

teacher so quiet as he. He seldom, if ever, laughs or talks. I knew the

word “gentleman” from books, and thought it was found only in the

dictionary, but not a thing alive. But since I met Hubbard Squash, I

was impressed for the first time that the word represented a real

substance.

As he is a man so attached to me, I had noticed his absence as soon as

I entered the meeting hall. To tell the truth, I came to the hall with

the intention of sitting next to him. The principal said that the

absentee may appear shortly, and untied a package he had before him,

taking out some hectograph sheets and began reading them. Red Shirt

began polishing his amber pipe with a silk handkerchief. This was his

hobby, which was probably becoming to him. Others whispered with their

neighbors. Still others were writing nothings upon the table with the

erasers at the end of their pencils. Clown talked to Porcupine once in

a while, but he was not responsive. He only said “Umh” or “Ahm,” and

stared at me with wrathful eyes. I stared back with equal ferocity.

Then the tardy Hubbard Squash apologetically entered, and politely

explained that he was unavoidably detained. “Well, then the meeting is

called to order,” said Badger. On these sheets was printed, first the

question of the punishment of the offending students, second that of

superintending the students, and two or three other matters. Badger,

putting on airs as usual, as if he was an incarnation of education,

spoke to the following effect.

“Any misdeeds or faults among the teachers or the students in this

school are due to the lack of virtues in my person, and whenever

anything happens, I inwardly feel ashamed that a man like me could hold

his position. Unfortunately such an affair has taken place again, and I

have to apologize from my heart. But since it has happened, it cannot

be helped; we must settle it one way or other. The facts are as you

already know, and I ask you gentlemen to state frankly the best means

by which the affair may be settled.”

When I heard the principal speak, I was impressed that indeed the

principal, or Badger, was saying something “grand.” If the principal

was willing to assume all responsibilities, saying it was his fault or

his lack of virtues, it would have been better stop punishing the

students and get himself fired first. Then there will be no need of

holding such thing as a meeting. In the first place, just consider it

by common sense. I was doing my night duty right, and the students

started trouble. The wrong doer is neither the principal nor I. If

Porcupine incited them, then it would be enough to get rid of the

students and Porcupine. Where in thunder would be a peach of damfool

who always swipes other people’s faults and says “these are mine?” It

was a stunt made possible only by Badger. Having made such an illogical

statement, he glanced at the teachers in a highly pleased manner. But

no one opened his mouth. The teacher of natural history was gazing at

the crow which had hopped on the roof of the nearby building. The

teacher of Confucius was folding and unfolding the hectograph sheet.

Porcupine was still staring at me. If a meeting was so nonsensical an

affair as this, I would have been better absent taking a nap at home.

I became irritated, and half raised myself, intending to make a

convincing speech, but just then Red Shirt began saying something and I

stopped. I saw him say something, having put away his pipe, and wiping

his face with a striped silk handkerchief. I’m sure he copped that

handkerchief from the Madonna; men should use white linen. He said:

“When I heard of the rough affairs in the dormitory, I was greatly

ashamed as the head teacher of my lack of discipline and influence.

When such an affair takes place there is underlying cause somewhere.

Looking at the affair itself, it may seem that the students were wrong,

but in a closer study of the facts, we may find the responsibility

resting with the School. Therefore, I’m afraid it might affect us badly

in the future if we administer too severe a punishment on the strength

of what has been shown on the surface. As they are youngsters, full of

life and vigor, they might half-consciously commit some youthful

pranks, without due regard as to their good or bad. As to the mode of

punishment itself, I have no right to suggest since it is a matter

entirely in the hand of the principal, but I should ask, considering

these points, that some leniency be shown toward the students.”

Well, as Badger, so was Red Shirt. He declares the “Rough Necks” among

the students is not their fault but the fault of the teachers. A crazy

person beats other people because the beaten are wrong. Very grateful,

indeed. If the students were so full of life and vigor, shovel them out

into the campus and let them wrestle their heads off. Who would have

grasshoppers put into his bed unconsciously! If things go on like this,

they may stab some one asleep, and get freed as having done the deed

unconsciously.

Having figured it out in this wise, I thought I would state my own

views on the matter, but I wanted to give them an eloquent speech and

fairly take away their breath. I have an affection of the windpipe

which clog after two or three words when I am excited. Badger and Red

Shirt are below my standing in their personality, but they were skilled

in speech-making, and it would not do to have them see my awkwardness.

I’ll make a rough note of composition first, I thought, and started

mentally making a sentence, when, to my surprise, Clown stood up

suddenly. It was unusual for Clown to state his opinion. He spoke in

his flippant tone:

“Really the grasshopper incident and the whoop-la affair are peculiar

happenings which are enough to make us doubt our own future. We

teachers at this time must strive to clear the atmosphere of the

school. And what the principal and the head teacher have said just now

are fit and proper. I entirely agree with their opinions. I wish the

punishment be moderate.”

In what Clown had said there were words but no meaning. It was a

juxtaposition of high-flown words making no sense. All that I

understood was the words, “I entirely agree with their opinions.”

Clown’s meaning was not clear to me, but as I was thoroughly angered, I

rose without completing my rough note.

“I am entirely opposed to…….” I said, but the rest did not come at

once. “…….I don’t like such a topsy-turvy settlement,” I added and the

fellows began laughing. “The students are absolutely wrong from the

beginning. It would set a bad precedent if we don’t make them apologize

……. What do we care if we kick them all out ……. darn the kids trying to

guy a new comer…….” and I sat down. Then the teacher of natural history

who sat on my right whined a weak opinion, saying “The students may be

wrong, but if we punish them too severely, they may start a reaction

and would make it rather bad. I am for the moderate side, as the head

teacher suggested.” The teacher of Confucius on my left expressed his

agreement with the moderate side, and so did the teacher of history

endorse the views of the head teacher. Dash those weak-knees! Most of

them belonged to the coterie of Red Shirt. It would make a dandy school

if such fellows run it. I had decided in my mind that it must be either

the students apologize to me or I resign, and if the opinion of Red

Shirt prevailed, I had determined to return home and pack up. I had no

ability of out-talking such fellows, or even if I had, I was in no

humor to keeping their company for long. Since I don’t expect to remain

in the school, the devil may take care of the rest. If I said anything,

they would only laugh; so I shut my mouth tight.

Porcupine, who up to this time had been listening to the others, stood

up with some show of spirit. Ha, the fellow was going to endorse the

views of Red Shirt, eh? You and I got to fight it out anyway, I

thought, so do any way you darn please. Porcupine spoke in a thunderous

voice:

“I entirely differ from the opinions of the head teacher and other

gentlemen. Because, viewed from whatever angle, this incident cannot be

other than an attempt by those fifty students in the dormitory to make

a fool of a new teacher. The head teacher seems to trace the cause of

the trouble to the personality of that teacher himself, but, begging

his pardon, I think he is mistaken. The night that new teacher was on

night duty was not long after his arrival, not more than twenty days

after he had come into contact with the students. During those short

twenty days, the students could have no reason to criticise his

knowledges or his person. If he was insulted for some cause which

deserved insult, there may be reasons in our considering the act of the

students, but if we show undue leniency toward the frivolous students

who would insult a new teacher without cause, it would affect the

dignity of this school. The spirit of education is not only in

imparting technical knowledges, but also in encouraging honest,

ennobling and samurai-like virtues, while eliminating the evil tendency

to vulgarity and roughness. If we are afraid of reaction or further

trouble, and satisfy ourselves with make-shifts, there is no telling

when we can ever get rid of this evil atmosphere[G]. We are here to

eradicate this very evil. If we mean to countenance it, we had better

not accepted our positions here. For these reasons, I believe it proper

to punish the students in the dormitory to the fullest extent and also

make them apologize to that teacher in the open.”

All were quiet. Red Shirt again began polishing his pipe. I was greatly

elated. He spoke almost what I had wanted to. I’m such a simple-hearted

fellow that I forgot all about the bickerings with Porcupine, and

looked at him with a grateful face, but he appeared to take no notice

of me.

After a while, Porcupine again stood up, and said. “I forgot to mention

just now, so I wish to add. The teacher on night duty that night seems

to have gone to the hot springs during his duty hours, and I think it a

blunder. It is a matter of serious misconduct to take the advantage of

being in sole charge of the school, to slip out to a hot springs. The

bad behavior of the students is one thing; this blunder is another, and

I wish the principal to call attention of the responsible person to

that matter.”

A strange fellow! No sooner had he backed me up than he began talking

me down. I knew the other night watch went out during his duty hours,

and thought it was a custom, so I went as far out as to the hot springs

without considering the situation seriously. But when it was pointed

out like this, I realised that I had been wrong. Thereupon I rose again

and said; “I really went to the hot springs. It was wrong and I

apologize.” Then all again laughed. Whatever I say, they laugh. What a

lot of boobs! See if you fellows can make a clean breast of your own

fault like this! You fellows laugh because you can’t talk straight.

After that the principal said that since it appeared that there will be

no more opinions, he will consider the matter well and administer what

he may deem a proper punishment. I may here add the result of the

meeting. The students in the dormitory were given one week’s

confinement, and in addition to that, apologized to me. If they had not

apologized, I intended to resign and go straight home, but as it was it

finally resulted in a bigger and still worse affair, of which more

later. The principal then at the meeting said something to the effect

that the manners of the students should be directed rightly by the

teachers’ influence, and as the first step, no teacher should

patronize, if possible, the shops where edibles and drinks were served,

excepting, however, in case of farewell party or such social

gatherings. He said he would like no teacher to go singly to eating

houses of lower kind—for instance, noodle-house or dango shop…. And

again all laughed. Clown looked at Porcupine, said “tempura” and winked

his eyes, but Porcupine regarded him in silence. Good!

My “think box” is not of superior quality, so things said by Badger

were not clear to me, but I thought if a fellow can’t hold the job of

teacher in a middle school because he patronizes a noodle-house or

dango shop, the fellow with bear-like appetite like me will never be

able to hold it. If it was the case, they ought to have specified when

calling for a teacher one who does not eat noodle and dango. To give an

appointment without reference to the matter at first, and then to

proclaim that noodle or dango should not be eaten was a blow to a

fellow like me who has no other petty hobby. Then Red Shirt again

opened his mouth.

“Teachers of the middle school belong to the upper class of society and

they should not be looking after material pleasures only, for it would

eventually have effect upon their personal character. But we are human,

and it would be intolerable in a small town like this to live without

any means of affording some pleasure to ourselves, such as fishing,

reading literary products, composing new style poems, or haiku

(17-syllable poem). We should seek mental consolation of higher order.”

There seemed no prospect that he would quit the hot air. If it was a

mental consolation to fish fertilisers on the sea, have goruki for

Russian literature, or to pose a favorite geisha beneath pine tree, it

would be quite as much a mental consolation to eat dempura noodle and

swallow dango. Instead of dwelling on such sham consolations, he would

find his time better spent by washing his red shirts. I became so

exasperated that I asked; “Is it also a mental consolation to meet the

Madonna?” No one laughed this time and looked at each other with queer

faces, and Red Shirt himself hung his head, apparently embarrassed.

Look at that! A good shot, eh? Only I was sorry for Hubbard Squash who,

having heard the remark, became still paler.

CHAPTER 7. That very night I left the boarding house. While I was packing up, the

boss came to me